


After Image

by Kahnah



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Dark God Ryan, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Freewood - Freeform, I can't believe I am using that tag, M/M, Solar queen gavin, but it's true
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-08 11:37:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 56,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17385761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahnah/pseuds/Kahnah
Summary: Solar Queen Gavin was raised to fight against the omnious Dark God, who keeps on terrorizing the world he himself created. But once Gavin finally meets the other God, he finds that maybe they shouldn't be fighting each other but rather work together.





	1. The Sun

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hella_Queer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hella_Queer/gifts).



> The Freewood AU that came right out of Riley's wicked mind, so you know it's gonna be good~

After Image

 

Chapter 1

The Sun

 

“And the Mad King ruled over all the lands of the round, round earth, leaving the humans desperate and fearful. The King ruled with an iron fist and everyone had to obey his command. As a man of great knowledge but small heart he wanted to control all that happened around him, and so even laughter and happiness was forbidden by law!”

“You can’t forbid laughing.”

“Well, the Mad King did.”

“But how would that be possible? He can’t be everywhere at once and hear people laughing!”

“He had his spies of course.”

“What if someone told a joke and made people laugh then? Would the one telling the joke get punished or everyone else? That seems pretty unfair.”

Geoff chuckled. “And at what point in this story did you think that the Mad King was fair?”

Gavin rolled his eyes. “That’s not the point, Geoffrey! It just doesn’t make any sense! Like, how would he even know when people were happy? Sometimes you can’t see that!”

“You’re interpreting way too much into an old fairytale, bud.”

“Fine,” Gavin sighed and then made a rolling motion with his hand. “Go on then.”

“A little more appreciation please!”

“Please go on, Geoff?”

Geoff huffed but turned his eyes back the the book in his lap.

“Alright, where were we?”

“Mad King bad, could’ve figured by the name.”

Geoff threw him a look and with a big sigh Gavin lifted his arms just to let them fall again. “Okay, I’ll be quiet.”

“Thank you very much because otherwise I am sure I could spend my time more wisely than reading to you.” It was an empty threat and they both knew it. They both loved this time of the day when they settled on Gavin’s bed, Geoff with a new fairytale in his hand and Gavin with his head in his lap. It was a ritual that went as far back as Gavin could remember.

“So the bad Mad King terrorized the lands and it took decades until one brave soul dared to face him. A brave fool, not a warrior by profession but by heart. He stepped in front of the all-powerful Mad King with nothing but a bow and a single arrow!”

“Well someone was sure of himsel-”

“Gavin.”

“Sorry, sorry.”

Geoff cleared his throat and went on, “The fool managed to pierce the Mad King’s heart, vanquishing his evil, but not without paying the ultimate price himself, his own wounds painful and fatal. Thankfully the Goddess of the Sun found his courage inspiring and decided to save the poor fool, breathing life and light into his heart.”

Geoff closed the book and lifted it up to look at Gavin. “So?”

“That story was stupid,” Gavin said.

“How so?”

Gavin sighed and sat up. “Well, this was obviously prop-propo-”

“Propaganda?”

“Yes, that. It was against the Dark God. They only called him Mad King in this! Also he’s not that bad, right? We’re allowed to be happy and laugh!”

“That’s true.” Geoff brushed the golden hair back.

“It’s not really fair, is it? Everyone says how bad the Dark God is but nobody tells me why!”

“Because you’re not yet old enough to know.”

“I’m nearly ten years old!” Gavin protested. “I can take it!”

“You know what you can take? A nice long nap,” Geoff told him and bopped him on the nose. “Because it’s getting late and little boys need their sleep.”

Gavin pouted up to him but didn’t protest. Unfortunately Geoff was right, even though he would never admit that. One look out of his window showed the sun sinking in the west and with each passing second, he felt more tired.

Geoff could tell and pushed him gently to lay down, so that he could tug him in.

“Geoff, is the Dark God really as bad as the Mad King in the story?”

“I don’t know. I never met him, I only know the stories.”

“I only know the stories as well but I don’t think he’s all bad,” Gavin pointed out and turned onto his side to watch as Geoff got up to put the book away.

“And that might be good thing, buddy.”

“I will meet the Dark God one day, right?” he asked and watched as Geoff froze. That wasn’t a topic that he liked to think about, but Gavin didn’t quite understand why. It was natural, right? The Dark God wouldn’t hurt him!

Finally Geoff put the book in the ever growing shelf and turned back around to him.

“Only when you’re older and strong enough,” Geoff assured him and smoothed his hair down. It felt nice, and Gavin’s eyelids grew heavy. “It’s still time until then.”

 

~+~

 

Gavin was born as the Solar Queen on Geoff's farm. Even years later Jack loved to recall the day he had found him. As one of the farm hands he had been the first outside, the first who heard the cries in the early morning, right after the sun had peeked over the horizon.

Jack was the one who found him, wrapped securely in a sunflower. Golden hair and golden skin but curious eyes.

So Jack had brought him in, and even though there wasn't much doubt in their minds, an Elder assured them that yes, another God had been sent to this world. A hope born against the Dark God, and both Jack and Geoff were chosen to raise him.

Raising a God-child was a huge honor and Gavin couldn't wish for anything more.

Jack was calm, a safe haven for Gavin to rest his head.

Geoff was fun and ran with him through the endless fields, playing catch.

Both were warm and kind, and that was the most important thing of it all.

Gavin learned to love and then loved them dearly and it was the other way around as well.

He was hidden away on the farm and the village it was attached to. Strong magic was all around to keep him safe and unnoticed from the Dark God until he was older, strong enough to face the other God in this world.

“The Dark God brings the night and all the dangers in it,” Jack explained to him. They were sitting behind the farm in the field of sunflowers Gavin had been born in. He loved it here, and probably because of that the flowers grew far higher than usual. They were covering him and Jack in a canopy of yellow to please the small Solar Queen. A perfect spot to hide away and doze off.

“He’s the God of knowledge and wisdom as well. That makes him so powerful.”

“Knowledge and wisdom doesn’t sound too bad. Why is it evil?” Gavin asked.

“It’s what you do with it,” Jack went on. He worked with swift fingers, piecing the flowers Gavin had brought him together. “As it is true that we are very thankful for the gifts and lessons the Dark God has provided us, he fell into disarray in the past decades. The machines he build poison the very earth they stand on, the weapons are the most deadly for our own kind and there are too many people out there who use them for evil.”

Gavin frowned, but kept his mouth shut. He didn’t yet know how to articulate his thoughts and feelings he had about that topic. It was a complicated subject and everyone was bombarding him with it.

How evil the Dark God was and how glad they were that Gavin was now here to stop him. After all light always defeated the dark, right?

The people of the village would always cheer and cover him in little gifts when he came around. Some dropped to their knees in front of him, calling him their savior ,and that felt weird. It left him with a strange feeling of guilt because as much as he wanted to help them, he also yearned for the other God. He was the only one out there who Gavin could truly talk to, who could teach him.

If they both were chosen to rule over this world, why was the other such a tyrant?

More than once Gavin had sat at the edge of the village, watching the protective spells and wondered what would happen if he stepped over the boundary. Then the Dark God would know that he existed, would know exactly where he was - if he didn’t already. If the Dark God was so powerful and intelligent as people said, surely the Elders at the village couldn’t outsmart him, right?

Gavin didn’t quite know, but if he stepped out there he was sure that the Dark God would just appear. In the books he was always depicted as a scary, hunched over black figure, but Gavin also doubted that. No, sometimes when he dreamed about the other God, when his mind tried to reach out to the other he saw another form, a silhouette that wasn’t quite there yet.

Gavin could nearly pretend to feel him even here in this field where he was hidden away and where he was at home. He even reached out, sent out his soul to touch the other’s but before he could, Jack snapped him out of it.

“There you go,” he mumbled and sat a crown of flowers onto Gavin’s head. It didn’t feel heavy at all, not like the crowns Gavin had been offered before, but he loved it mostly because Jack had done it.

Jack’s hands were always rough from working so hard but things like this he did with such a patience and gentleness that Gavin found admirable.

“Thanks Jack, I will wear it forever!”

“The flowers will wilt, Gav, but I’m glad you like it.”

The flowers didn’t wither, not with being so close to him. They wanted to please their God and so they bloomed even brighter than before. Every plant did, and Gavin loved to run through the different fields Geoff kept and spread his arms wide. On his first steps the plants might just reach his ankles, but by the end when his breath was heavy and his skin sweaty, they brushed against his knees.

But the animals he loved even more, and they were naturally drawn to him. The biggest birds would await him in the morning when he awoke at sunrise and even the rarest of wildlife would travel to the farm to see him. The first time a huge wolf laid at his feet he was barely four years old and Geoff nearly died from the shock. But the wolf had been old and tired and Gavin had just snuggled up in the fluffy side until its aches faded.

His talents were soon well known in the village, and as he grew older, it meant more responsibilities. He would wake early to make his rounds through Geoff's farms before heading towards the village. There he would visit the different households, making sure that their plants were growing and banishing any sickness that dared to fester there.

By the evening he would reach the edge of the village to be picked up and brought back home again. Once the sun set his powers did so as well and he slept deep through the night. The only time of the day he wasn't comfortable with.

During those times he was showered with presents and sometimes he sat back and watched how the village prospered under his influence.

"You are doing an incredible job, buddy," Geoff would sometimes tell him before bringing him to bed, a book in hand already. "Everybody loves you so."

"But you love me the most."

"Well of course." A hand ran through his golden hair and Gavin closed his eyes at the feeling. This was home, this was his family, and the warmth of it all nearly let his heart burst.

"After all Jack and I were sent into this world for this very reason."

Yeah, they had been.

 

~+~

 

Gavin's birthdays were always celebrated by the whole village. On that day when the sun didn't appear to set at all the borders were closed to protect him from strangers and people with ill will. Gavin didn't understand why anyone would harm him, but he was still young and didn't really mind.

After all he was showered in even more presents than usual, and whatever he wanted would be provided. The people would celebrate in their finest clothes and everyone was allowed to dance with him.

He himself wasn't the biggest fan of it.

"Why do I have to wear a dress?" he groaned but held still as one of the elders worked on him.

"It's a gown, not a dress."

Only that it looked exactly like a pure white dress that went a little over his knees. Why couldn't he just wear his usual clothes? They were more comfortable after all!

Also he wanted to spent this day with Geoff and Jack, not with the whole village. At the end of the day his feet always hurt from dancing the whole time.

But that wasn't something he could bring up because the people were looking forward to it all year. So he endured the gold paint on his face, drawing runes onto his skin, and the carefully crafted shoulder armor in the form of flowers. The handiwork was beautiful and he knew that it took a long time to work on something for just one day, so he played along for his people.

It was the right thing to do after all.

He began to sneak away when he became fourteen. That time, after he had danced with everyone and the sun was beginning its descent, everyone was busy with cleaning up and he slipped right through the crowd.

Sitting at the edge of the village he watched the sun sink for the day. The calm and quiet after the hecticness was his own little gift to himself, and maybe it was selfish, but it felt right.

Geoff and Jack both knew where he was and more than once Gavin fell asleep and had to be carried home.

Shortly after this first little rebellion he began his training.

The elders would whisk him away at the farm and teach him about the world and about the Dark God. About the destruction he brought and the misery the humans had to endure under his hands. How Gavin was sent to their world to put a stop on it and lead this world into a prosperous time.

So Gavin trained to use his powers as a weapon. He learned to bring out light that wasn't meant to beckon life but that was bright enough to scald and hurt.

He didn't like it because it was against his nature, but it wasn't for him to decide. He was sent here to defeat the Dark God and once he would, things would be better. Then he could rest at Geoff's farm for a while like back when things had been easier.

Until then he worked hard under the tutelage of the Elders, worked for hours and days and years until there was blinding white lightning jumping in between his fingers and sparks coming from his hair when he ran his hand through it.

He wasn’t yet ready to face the Dark God, but he was on the way to it.

 

~+~

 

The sun was just about to dip beneath the treeline and Gavin was watching it. It had something peaceful to it, letting him know that the day was soon over. He had enjoyed his birthday in the same way he enjoyed it every year. As something to celebrate, something for the people of the village but not necessary for himself. For him it was exhausting, the constant smiling and dancing and attention he was receiving. It was even worse this year because it was his 18th birthday and he was coming of age.

Up here on the hill beyond the village it was quieter and the sunrays reached him the longest. They felt like a gentle embrace, like Geoff and Jack and he dared to bask in the feeling for a while.

Back at the village there were more people waiting for him, people who hadn‘t had the chance to greet him yet, but he didn‘t want to go back. Maybe that was selfish, but right now he needed this moment, this chance to take a deep breath.

How long he sat there, enjoying the sun and the wind on his skin, he didn‘t know but it took him a while to notice the second person up on the hill.

Turning around, he tried to not be annoyed. Were they already following him up here? All he wanted was a few minutes to himself on his birthday!

But the man wasn‘t someone from the village, he was a stranger, and Gavin‘s eyes darted to the protective circle. The man stood on the other side.

„Good evening, Solar Queen,“ he was greeted, and instantly he felt the first tingle of... something. A feeling he couldn‘t quite place.

„Who are you?“

„A simple traveler. I was around this area and heard of the festival but wasn‘t allowed entry.“

„Only the villagers are allowed during the festival,“ Gavin explained. „We can‘t trust strangers.“

„Why? Are there people out there who would harm a God?“

„Rumour has it.“

He could feel the eyes of the stranger travel over him and the tingle returned. Fear, that was it. He was scared of this person, but couldn‘t yet tell why.

„I wouldn‘t know why someone would harm someone like you, but I know that humans are known for hurting beautiful things,“ the stranger said easily. He didn‘t appear nervous like most people around Gavin. He also hadn‘t bowed his head or dropped to his knees. It was hard to read him in general, because his face laid in shadows and he was keeping his distance.

Gavin should as well but he found himself getting to his feet and stepping closer. It had been a long time since he had been this curious over something. The village was beautiful and he loved it dearly, but after all these years there wasn‘t much more to explore.

But this right here? This was new and exciting and dangerous.

Yes, this man was dangerous. Gavin could sense it with each new step he took. That was also something unusual, he hadn‘t sensed it before, and couldn‘t tell why that was. Was the man here with any ill intentions? Had he commited a horrendous sin before?

No... that wasn‘t it.  _ Powerful. _ This stranger was powerful, a power that rivaled his own if it didn‘t exceed it already.

There weren‘t many who could, and so he tensed.

Was that the Dark God standing in front of him? He didn‘t look like in the books he had read and he may be dressed in dark colors but not all in black. His hair was long but silky and pulled back into a simple braid. It wasn‘t black either but of a dark blonde, nearly brown.

Gavin wanted to touch it, the urge was nearly irresistible but he didn‘t. To touch it meant to step out of the protective circle, and he wasn‘t ready to do that yet.

So not the Dark God then? One of his disciples? A mortal vessel that the Dark God chose to appear here?

Gavin could just ask, open his mouth and demand an answer but he didn‘t. A part of him didn‘t want to know. It was the curious part of him, the part that had made him climb the highest trees around the farm and discover new depths in every cave he found.

A part that liked the risk of it all.

„It‘s a shame, truly,“ the stranger went on, and now with Gavin stepping closer, he could see his face more clearly. The eyes not of the blood color, but a bright blue, just like the sky.

„I was looking forward to dancing with you, Solar Queen. I even brought a present.“

Gavin stopped in front of him now, aware of the protective circle between them, and this close all his hairs stood on edge by the power the other was emitting. It came from the stranger in waves and he fought hard not to shiver. Right now he shouldn‘t show any weakness to the other.

No, this was a test from the Dark God and maybe... maybe Gavin was testing him as well. He wanted to see where this was going.

„Would you dance with me, Solar Queen?“

„I dance with everyone who comes to the festival,“ he said, and a shadow crossed the face of the man.

„Those lucky people out there. I hope they appreciate the gesture from you.“

Did they? Gavin didn‘t know and thinking about it confused him so he let it go.

The stranger however had stretched his hand, pushing against the barrier between them.

„I don‘t want to dance like they do however. Would you allow me that honor?“

His mouth felt dry but his hand stayed at his side. He was curious, yes, but not stupid. Never before had he left the village, and he wasn‘t going to step outside when every fibre of his being was vibrating, was warning him of the other’s power.

But the stranger was still waiting for an answer and Gavin had been raised to be polite. So he did nod, and the smile that stretched over the other‘s face made him shiver.

Neither of them moved, both well aware of the barrier between and Gavin wouldn‘t take a single step closer. A part of him wanted to, knew that technically nothing could happen to him because he was a God and evil couldn‘t harm him.

The stranger’s hand fell back down but he didn‘t turn away. No, he was the one taking the first step, straight through the barrier as if it wasn‘t even there. All that magic coming from the greatest elders in this area just blown away, non existent in that moment.

By the ease the other stepped over it, it might as well been just a line in the sand to be freely ignored, only that Gavin knew it was working. There had been times when the spell had stopped bandits and burglars with ease, sending them away to try their luck somewhere else.

That didn’t happen with this guy here, and as he stopped in front of Gavin now, he couldn‘t do much but stare at him. He should act, right? This person was dangerous, he had been able to sense that immediately and even if they might not be able to harm him but what about the village? The village might be in danger and that should throw him into a full blown panic.

Only that it didn‘t. This person that had broke through the barrier that had protected the village for nearly two decades like it was nothing had only eyes for him, and that sent an unknown thrill through Gavin.

Danger, yes but not aimed towards him. Maybe not aimed towards anyone, not right now at least.

The stranger took his hand and the thrill flared up until it was blinding hot, like a lightning strike. It grew nearly unbearable as a kiss was pressed to the inside of his wrist, right above his pulse point.

A mocking caricature of the more daring men and women who would dance with him. But oh, they wouldn‘t dare to kiss him there, least of all on his left hand! The one closest to his heart.

Still, he didn‘t protest, his thoughts barely brushed that topic. This was all too new, too exciting and he wanted to see where it would go. How this stranger would surprise him next.

„Your skin is very warm, Solar Queen,“ the other murmured. „So it‘s true. You are a human with the sun itself trapped inside your body.“

It was true and he could feel the sun soar in his chest right now. An attraction that was new and foreign but delighted him to no end. This in front of him was the Dark God or someone close to him. A projection maybe, someone possessed by their godly powers.

Again Gavin didn‘t dare to answer, and it amused the stranger. He offered his other hand like before and this time Gavin took it without any hesitation. Freeing his left hand, he laid it on the other‘s shoulder. The skin where he had been kissed was still burning, flaring up when an arm wrapped around his middle, pulling him closer.

Not close enough to touch, even though Gavin was sure the stranger wanted to. He was just allowing him that little distance between them, not bold enough to just assume and Gavin appreciated it.

This wasn‘t the usual dance he would share with the villagers, no, their dance was always lively and shared with laughter and many eyes.

This right here was a secret between them, slower and more intimate, just like the kiss before. But Gavin wasn‘t a stranger to slow dances and he stepped forward to close the distance.

It was hard for him to feel another body‘s warmth because everyone just felt so much colder, but this was the first time he truly regretted it. He was however close enough to feel the other‘s breath against his hair, could feel the little surprise at his own boldness, and Gavin had to fight not to smirk.

The village wasn‘t far enough away to not hear the music, but it was too upbeat, too childish and festive.

It didn‘t fit this kind of dance, and so they swayed to the tune of the wind through the trees and fields, to birds and the sun and shadows. A song composed by nature itself just for them.

They watched each other like before, both too curious to lower their gaze even for a second. There was a connection Gavin couldn‘t place because he had never experienced something like that before, but he wanted it all to himself.

Greed was something foreign to him, but right now he felt it taint his soul. For the first time he experienced something different than the secured haven he had spent his life in until now and he was already addicted to the danger of it all.

The hand of the stranger stayed were it belonged, in the dip of Gavin‘s waist, but his fingers dug a little deeper, his thumb brushing nearly absentmindedly over his gown. It felt like the other could barely restrain himself from pressing marks into him, from gripping too tight and tearing at him.

Gavin was more bold, his hand traveled over the broad shoulder up to his neck until his fingers pressed against bare skin. Right at the point where he could feel the pulse jump underneath his touch.

It made Gavin‘s lips part, the knowledge that the other was as excited, maybe even as nervous as him. Before he could figure it out and delve further into this new found knowledge, the stranger let him go and raised their entwined hands.

As expected from him, Gavin spun out from their closeness until their only point of contact was their hands again. It made his gown fly out and for the first time he didn‘t resent it‘s loose fit.

He came to a stop and found the stranger again, bowing his head towards him and Gavin‘s heart skipped a beat. He followed suit even if he didn‘t want to avert his eyes for a second but by the time he rose again, his hand was empty and the other back to a more accepted distance.

Gavin already missed the closeness, there was still a phantom pulse beneath his fingers that he couldn‘t get enough of.

“Thank you very much for that opportunity, Solar Queen,” the stranger said and maybe it was a play of his mind, but Gavin could swear he sounded a little out of breath. “Your presence sweetened my day, or even my whole life.”

“Who are you?” Gavin asked again and could already tell that he wouldn’t get a satisfying answer.

“Just a lonely traveler that you made very fortunate.” But there was a mischievous glint in those blue eyes. “And one hopeless fellow who nearly forgot your gift.”

“I am in no need of a gift from you, traveler.” Oh, but he wanted one. A memento of this very moment.

Sure enough, the stranger ignored his half hearted protests and reached for his hair. It cascaded down his back as he pulled it loose. 

Gavin hadn’t noticed the clip before but now his eyes widened. It was small but masterfully crafted out of dark crystal. A lily, and as the light hit it, it shimmered in a dozen different colors.

“May I?”

As an answer Gavin just turned around. His hair wasn’t as long as that of the other man, but during his training he wasn’t meant to cut it and so it was longer than ever before. Fitting to his outfit and crown, it was pulled into a bun with a clip made out of dark wood and crafted into a pretty little sunflower. 

Now he could feel how the stranger pulled it free and then bound it back together with great care. His fingers brushed against Gavin’s skin once, twice and then a third time and then lingered a little longer than necessary in his hair before pulling back.

“Thank you,” Gavin mumbled and touched the crystal carefully. It felt smoother than anything he had ever felt before and he had to force himself to let go.

Turning around he wanted to ask where the other had gotten it or if he had even done it himself but there was no one there. No, up here on the hill behind the village where no eyes could see he stood alone. The dark stranger and his sunflower clip had vanished into thin air.

 

~+~

 

Later that evening, when he was sitting on the thick wooden table at the farm, he could feel Geoff’s hands in his hair.

“Where did you get this one?” He pulled the clip free and Gavin tried hard not to tense up.

“It was a present I got,” he said and brushed his too long hair back. He couldn’t wait to cut it again after his training was complete, it was starting to bother him.

“It’s beautiful,” Geoff mumbled, the awe clear in his voice as he sat down next to him. He turned the clip around and around in his hand, making the light catch in the crystal.

“It really is. Today it might have been my favorite present.” Or for the past years, basically since Jack’s crown.

“Who in this village possesses such a talent?”

Ah, a fantastic question. One Gavin didn’t really have an answer to but thankfully in that moment Jack placed three mugs on the table, all filled with his strongest tea.

He always prepared that on Gavin’s birthday to sooth his mind and help with his swollen feet. Today Gavin’s feet actually didn’t hurt and he had the feeling he would be able to continue to dance for hours, if it was with a mysterious stranger.

Unfortunately that wasn’t something he could share with Jack or Geoff if he wouldn’t want to hear their teasing for the next weeks.

“Thanks, Jack!” he said and quickly pulled a mug towards him. “I’m so sorry that I lost your hair clip. I put it in my pocket once I received the new one but it must have fallen out.”

“It’s fine. It’s not like you don’t have a dozen more of them.” Jack also sat down and reached over to snatch the clip straight from Geoff’s hands. “It really is an impressive piece of craftsmanship. Who gave this to you?”

Ah, right. Still no real answer to that question and even though Gavin opened his mouth nothing came out. And those two just knew him well to know exactly when he was trying to think of an excuse.

“Gav-”

“A traveler,” he blurted out because as much as he was a God, those two were still his parents. And lying to his parents wasn’t a skill he had honed.

“No traveler or stranger was allowed to step foot into the village today.”

“They… didn’t.” A small lie, right? Because technically the stranger hadn’t reached the village. Just the area around.

“So you stepped out, young man!” Geoff’s voice carried high but as angry as he sounded, the worry was more prominent.

“I didn’t! I promise, Geoff! I saw this man on the hill behind the village at sundown but I stayed inside the barrier!”

Geoff was halfway on his feet when Jack put a comforting hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down.

“What did this traveler want from you?”

“To congratulate me on my birthday and give me this gift. I even told him that he wasn’t allowed to enter the village because of the barrier!”

Jack gave a thoughtful hum and Geoff also wasn’t ready to believe him so easily.

“So how did he give this present to you then?”

Ah fuck. For a moment Gavin’s brain pulled another blank before it kicked into motion.

“He uh… put it down at the barrier and I reached through to get it. I did however wait until this man was out of sight!” he added quickly when Geoff made another move to stand up and okay, this might have been a full blown lie right now, but the alternative? Oh, he didn’t want to be yelled at by Geoff or the silent judgment coming from Jack.

At least now Geoff deflated but it was Jack who reached across the table to place the clip back in Gavin’s hand.

“We just want you to be safe, Gavin,” he told him softly. “Everyone here wants that. You mean the world to this village.”

Great. Now he felt even worse about the whole thing and all he could do was nod. Still, as he turned the hair clip in his hand and watched the colorful reflections coming from it, he found he didn’t mind too much.

 

~+~

 

So he trained. He trained to make Geoff and Jack proud and to assure a safe life for his village. He trained until his skin felt raw from keeping the light inside and then he continued to train even more when he heard rumors.

Rumors about a war in a country up north that was the bloodiest that this world had ever seen. A war using the weapons the Dark God had granted the humans, and now they used them to get even more weapons.

For what? What was the purpose? For the winner to attack even more countries until they lost or had the whole world underneath their feet? Didn't the humans just want to be free?

Maybe it was the influence of the Dark God like the Elders told him. Maybe it amused him or something, and the thought alone made Gavin sick in his stomach.

All the more reason for him to face the other God and put a stop on it.

The war waged for four years and was still waging once Gavin was allowed to leave the village. Standing at the barrier, he felt a little bit nervous, but not necessarily because he was going to face the Dark God, but because he was leaving his home behind. For the first time in his life he would be on his own, out there where everything was unfamiliar and new.

Out there with neither Geoff nor Jack.

They were the only ones who were allowed to join him here, and only because Gavin had begged the Elders to let them come as well. They were his family and on this important day he wanted them around.

"I know that you can do it," Jack said as he pulled him into a tight embrace. "You're so very strong. Stronger than I could've ever imagined."

Gavin couldn't answer, just smiled and buried his face deeper in the other's shoulder. That meant a lot, the fact that both of them believed in him. They had been with him for the longest, and while the village had seen him grown up, it wasn't the same.

The village wasn't there when it was the early morning and he was so sleepy that he burned his hand on the kettle. The village wasn't there when he stumbled while running through fields after rabbits and smacked on the ground.

No, the only two people who had seen him being more human than he should ever be where here, and they still believed he could do it, no matter how clumsy he was.

"You were so small when I found you in that sunflower and look at you no-"

"Alright, alright. Now we're getting too sappy even for me," Geoff interrupted Jack and slapped him on the shoulder. As he was one to talk, Gavin had heard him wander around at night for the past days.

"If Gav doesn't screw it up he will be back before the end of the week! Right, bud?"

He was pulled from Jack's embrace and right into the next one.

"Sure, I'll be back in three days tops!" he assured him, and it was easy because he wanted to calm them down. Also Jack was right, he was powerful. He was so very powerful that even now he could feel the light pulse in his bones.

"You better be or we'll rent your room to someone who pays more than you!" Geoff began to tousle his hair and even though Gavin tried to get away, he didn't until his hair was a whole mess. As he finally stood on his own again, he could see the frowns on the faces of the Elders about that, but honestly he didn't care.

One of them, the woman who had taught him in etiquette, stepped forward now.

"Your heart surely knows the way?"

Gavin nodded. "I can feel the Dark God and will just follow that feeling. It will lead me straight to him."

"Then go, Solar Queen. And bring peace to this earth."

"I will."

"Never forget that light will always triumph over darkness."

They all bowed their heads, even Geoff and Jack, even though Gavin hated when they did that. Today though, as he stood on the border to a world that was new to him, he couldn't find it in him to stop them. No, it just felt like a lump in his throat, and before he could waver he turned around.

Stepping through the barrier was strange. Like back when the stranger had done it right in front of his eyes, the powerful magic might as well have been just a line in the sand. Gavin couldn't even feel the magic but he remembered it. Back in time when he had been a child and exploring the edge of the village he had felt it in every fibre of his being. Now, as he was all-powerful, it was non-existent.

It was just a single step but it was into this unknown place he had only ever looked at and the moment he was through it felt him with such a freedom that he closed his eyes. It flowed through him like water, something refreshing and full of life and he loved the village, loved it dearly, but this was his world.

He was the God of this place and he hadn't yet seen it with his own two eyes.

Now the world was open to him and after that first step, the next ones were easier. At least until he remembered what he left behind and he turned around, waving.

Pride, that was the emotion he could read on Geoff's and Jack's faces. Beneath that was sadness and worry sure, but the pride shone brightest and filled Gavin's heart.

He only had eyes for them as he walked backwards, because in that minute he didn't care about the Elders, just his parents.

Yes, he would return after he had faced the Dark God, no matter how much he wanted to see the world. Because a part of his world was right there on that little farm. He wouldn’t be able to stay forever but maybe he could ask Geoff and Jack to follow him as he saw everything. Not as his disciples but as the most important people.

He turned around to wave over a dozen times on his way, even if all he could see were silhouettes of the people. Towards the end only two shadows remained and he was sure they couldn't even see him waving anymore, but that didn't matter. Even if his arm would fall off, he had to wave to say his goodbye.

It had been too hard to put it into words, so that would have to do.

When he finally couldn't see his village anymore, he took one last breath and finally faced the path in front of him. There wasn't much too see, mostly empty fields and woods in the distance. In his heart he knew it was because the castle of the Dark God was close and the humans feared him. Even the path he followed was barely more than trampled earth left behind from merchants who hurried to get away. It wouldn't lead him straight to the castle, but close enough, and his heart would lead him the rest of the way.

But as empty the landscape in front of him appeared at first, he soon got the attention of the animals around. Mice who jumped between his boots and birds joining him from above. There were bees humming around his crown and beautiful butterflies sitting on his shoulders.

They didn't fear the Dark God, and that was a knowledge that had always calmed something deep down inside of him.

Good people were loved by animals. You gotta be careful of the ones animals were wary off. That's what Jack had always told him and he believed it from the bottom of his heart.

So he let the animals join him and entertained them with quick jogs. He had no food with him because he didn't need it, but if he had he would offer it to them.

The clothes he was wearing were sturdy for traveling and made with great care and with much room in the pockets. That way he had been able to sneak the hair clip out.

Now he pulled it out and watched the different colors in the dark crystal. It was still a beautiful piece, but he had never dared to wear it again.

The eyes of the villagers were always watching and not all of them were kind. Some got stupidly jealous over others and tried to buy Gavin's trust. He had learned to see right through it quickly, but it always saddened his heart.

If he'd dare to wear such a treasure out in the open, everyone would talk and fight and even worse, they would want to know who had made it. Something that Gavin couldn't possibly explain.

He had hid it away but not today. No, the Dark God had made sure that it had reached him and he knew he had to take it with him. There were too many questions associated with it and that dreamlike moment as well. The knowledge that this dance behind the village wasn't just a fleeting wish in his head because the evidence was right in his hand.

Did the Dark God also have his clip? The one with the sunflower Jack had so carefully crafted? Yeah, Gavin believed so. It was nearly like he could feel its presence.

Reaching up, he ran a hand through his hair. It was cut short again after he had finished his training, and truthfully he had been quite happy about it. It had been getting into his way more often than not, but now he nearly missed it.

He couldn't put his hair clip in like that without it looking completely out of place, and so he fastened it on his clothes, easily visible right on his collar where his fingers could sometimes brush against it. It did feel heavy and unfamiliar there but that didn't stop him.

It wasn't like either of them needed it to recognize the other, not by how he could sense the other God, but it was a steady reminder of their first almost-meeting.

Gavin had started his travel in the early morning, so that the sun could travel in his back and keep his shoulders warm. Now as he saw the first towers of the castle, the sun stood nearly above him.

Perfect; the Elders had always told him to face the Dark God at noon where the sun stood highest and his powers were the strongest. He still hoped it wouldn't end in any actual fighting, but he wanted to be able to push the other back in case things derailed.

Now though, he stopped for a second to admire the castle. It was huge, bigger than anything he had ever seen. A deep black that was a stark, disturbing contrast to the green landscape all around. It reminded him a little of the crystal of his hair clip, but here everything was smooth as glass and didn't let the light in to throw colorful shadows everywhere.

No, it looked like it wasn't only built in the wrong place, but also in the wrong time. Something that belonged in a distant future where nature was long forgotten and just the stuff of legend.

Gavin didn't like it instinctively, and the first twinge of worry hit him.

The man back behind the village, who had breached their security so easily and had asked him to dance... would he really prefer something like that? It was ugly and soulless in its simplicity and made a shiver crawl down Gavin's spine.

The animals had to notice as well because they left him standing there alone. That was fine, the sight alone had left his thoughts in turmoil and he wanted to work through that first. Only that he didn't get that time as well.

Beneath at the outer wall of the castle stood a lonely figure, and he knew it was the Dark God. The other could feel his presence as much as Gavin could feel him, and they both knew that this had been his destination since the moment he had left the village.

Touching the hair clip, Gavin began to move again. Somehow he felt small walking towards the Dark God like this even though he shouldn’t. With each step he took the sun rose over him and with it his powers did as well. Also the Dark God was just standing there, waiting, but that alone seemed threatening.

It wasn’t until Gavin was much closer that he could tell that it was the same person as the mysterious strange behind the village. The one who had asked him to dance and had left his mind in such a turmoil that he had felt out of place even back in his own bed.

That had been four years ago, but even now he could feel the same emotions as back there. The danger and excitement of it all.

The Dark God had changed in those years, just like he had. The long hair was gone, cut short and not held by a hair clip anymore.

The one he had taken from Gavin though, the one Jack had crafted for him was fastened on the Dark God’s collar, and that made Gavin falter in his steps.

No matter how often he had played this scene in his head, he had never expected that. The sunflower was wilted like all plants did when he wasn’t around.

And now, standing in front of the Dark God after all these years, he didn’t know what to say.

Should he be up front and call him out on his action? Should he remind him of that fateful day behind the village? Or just attack, banishing the evil until they could figure things out?   
All his life he had prepared for this right here, and still he pulled a blank.

“I’ve been a God for milenia,” the Dark God finally said, “but waiting for you those past years has been a harder challenge than it should’ve been.”

He watched as the Dark God touched the wilted sunflower. “It is an honor to see you again, Solar Queen.”

Gavin opened his mouth but nothing came out. The voice of the other was still familiar but also that of a stranger and it made him shiver.

Before him stood a fully grown God, the creator of the world that he knew and for a second Gavin couldn’t do much more than stare.

“We met before,” he finally blurted out and surely not the most eloquent way but better than mindless staring. “On my birthday. You danced with me.”

“At sundown,” the Dark God agreed. “The colors suited you but with the sun as high as right now you are truly breathtaking.”

It was probably true, the higher the sun was the more he himself glowed. He could feel the sparks between his hair and in his eyes but barely paid attention to it. Did the other hear his heart beating so fast? Gavin was nearly sure of it, after all this was it. The moment he had waited for and even after all those years he still felt hopelessly unprepared.

“I’m happy you finally came to visit me.”

“I am here to stop you,” Gavin found himself saying, blabbering the words the Elders had repeated over years.

“To stop me?”

“Your inventions and power harm the people and this world we live in. So the humans sent me to defeat you.”

What reaction had he expected? Gavin wasn’t even sure, in the picture painted in his head the Dark God was always angry and menacing, but the man standing in front of him wasn’t that.

It was the same face as back on his birthday with blue eyes, not red ones. He did look rather amused, maybe a bit confused by the whole situation, but not angry. He also made no move to attack Gavin or test his strength. Because the Dark God knew that he couldn’t win? After all light always defeated darkness in the end.

“My my, what a predicament,” the Dark God mumbled. “And here I thought we could have a civilized talk about this world and your role in it. Figure out where to go from here and when to start your training, but it seems you already made up your mind.”

“My training is already complete an-”

“Is it?”

Gavin didn't know what was more surprising. The fact that someone actually dared to interrupt him or that the Dark God just grabbed him as if he was a commoner. Both of them startled him to silence but in the end it was the cold. 

The immense cold spreading through his arm at the touch alone and he had never known cold, not once. It scared him, scared him senseless because as he turned around his skin started to turn blue and purple. It was eating away on his flesh and he yelped, trying to flee the touch.

“Stop!” 

He stumbled back but the Dark God didn’t let go, and so Gavin tried to fight it. With all his power this cold shouldn’t stand a chance, but even though he concentrated all his light on his arm it was still spreading. He was glowing like a supernova, burning everything in his vicinity but it didn’t bother the Dark God.

No, the other was watching him curiously even though he should go up in flames by just being close to him, let alone touch him.

“I’m not a moth, little flame,” he just told him and tightened his grip. It felt like he had Gavin’s heart in his fist, making it hard to breath and his light wasn’t working, wasn’t even leaving a scratch at him.

Then the shadows came, billowing from the other and fogging those pretty eyes black.

That was the moment Gavin started to fight. Shoving and tearing at the Dark God like a human would and with just as much effect. All he did was ruffle the other’s clothes.

“You are not ready to face me, Solar Queen. And those humans are fools for letting you believe it.”

Gavin wanted to disagree, to assure the other that he had trained hard but the evidence was clear. The moment the Dark God started to fight back and the shadow enveloped them, it was over. The cold and darkness spread through Gavin’s body and he was unaccustomed to it. It overwhelmed him in seconds and he didn’t even register anymore as he hit the burned grass beneath.


	2. The Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're a guest here," the Dark God told him dryly.
> 
> "I'm a prisoner."

Chapter 2

The Moon

 

When Gavin woke up it was dark. Nothing he had ever seen or experienced before had scared him as much as this moment, when he opened his eyes and there was nothing. Not even facing the Dark God and realizing he had no chance had been so jarring.

Darkness didn't exist around him. Light followed him around, broke from his skin and hair and eyes. Even during the few instances in which he had woken up at night there had been a soft island of light around him, and Geoff had told him often stories about how his light would shine through the cracks underneath the door, how his orbs gathered on the ceiling of his room like a starry sky before disappearing.

Nothing of that sort was here now, just an unbearble darkness.

Gavin looked around, hoping to catch a glimpse of something, anything but couldn't. He even reached up, checking if something was covering his eyes, but there wasn't.

Had he gone blind? No, that couldn't be. He was a God and none of the humans’ sickness or aches could befall him.

The Dark God then, it had to be because of him. He had grabbed him, a touch harder than anything Gavin had ever experienced before, and the darkness had been numbing and scary. Now he was here.

On a bed? It did feel like one as he let his hand travel over it . There was a blanket covering him halfway, and he sat up to pull it around himself.

At least he was alone. He could feel no other soul in this room, could hear no breathing, which at least meant the Dark God wasn't watching him.

Where had he taken him? This wasn't the village he knew so well.

That foreboding castle then? Was he trapped in the belly of the beast?

A new wave of fear flooded his body and he wrapped the blanket tighter around himself. The softness reminded him of better days, of sitting in bed as a kid as the sun began its descent outside. Geoff or Jack by his side, reading him the stories and legends of their world.

Home.

Home where it smelled like earth and animals and fresh grass. Where the only sound greeting him and bidding farewell was the wind brushing through the weeds.

He wanted to go back there.

After an eternity of cowering there, blind and deaf and alone, he noticed a glow. Soft, barely there, but coming from his chest. He touched the place and it felt warm against his cold fingers.

Life. The sun in his heart.

Gavin relaxed a little and wrapped his arms around himself to savor the little familiarity he had found. His powers were just recovering, and even though they didn't paint a starry sky yet, they would at some point.

It wouldn't change much of his situation if he really was trapped by the Dark God here. The other God had shown him how powerless he was, even though he shouldn't be that way.

Wasn't Gavin sent to this world to defeat him? Why had his powers barely bothered him then?

The Elders had all said he was ready, all powerful! But against the Dark God it had only been a glimpse, a spark in the night.

Burying his face in his knees, he banished his worries for now. It would only dim his light and he needed every ounce of it. So he thought back to the farm, of golden wheat greeting him in the morning, together with fresh baked bread. He could nearly smell it, could hear Geoff's and Jack's chatter in the kitchen as they talked about the day's work.

The villagers as well, while Gavin made his way from east to west through the streets. How they would greet him with bright smiles and gift him little knick-knacks. Flowers and fruits and little straw dolls.

If he'd kept all of them, the farm would overflow, but he appreciated the thought behind them.

The familiar warmth crawled through his body, but he waited until he felt the prickling in the tips of his fingers and hair before he opened his eyes.

Now he could see, and he let his legs dangle over the bed while he looked around.

He was in a room just like he had expected, but it was so very different than the chamber at the farm. The bed, for starters, was at least three times the size of his own. Who needed that much space? The blanket he had wrapped around himself was surprisingly thin for feeling so soft, not like the woolen one at home.

There was a dark fabric hanging from above and separating him from the rest of the room. He pulled it aside, bleaching it white by his touch alone, and got up. On the floor no sturdy wood or soft carpet greeted him. It felt like walking on glass, smooth and perfect like everything around him. No tapestry or pictures on the walls, just a distorted silhouette of himself from everywhere.

The room appeared circular with no other furniture than the bed in the middle of it and he didn't like it. He hated it. The cleanliness of it all, the soullessness. Everything feeling unnatural and without texture as he ran his hands over it. It was a a forbidden joy to stain the blackness with his golden hands. Usually he tried to avoid it as much as possible, wearing gloves when he wandered around.

Here, he didn't even try.

There was a door, but he didn't bother with it, not yet. Surely it was locked, but it wouldn't hurt to try. But first he turned to the curtains at the opposite side of the room. They felt heavy in his hands and he grasped them tightly until they were white enough to reflect his own glow before he pulled them aside.

Another set of doors, those made out of glass and leading to a balcony of sorts. As he stepped outside, the chilly air of the night greeted him. Something he didn't experience often because this wasn't his time to be.

Now he just stood there and took greedy breaths as if he had to clear his lungs out. It helped a little and he felt more awake to face his situation.

As he had expected he was in the castle of the Dark God. It was hard to see with little to no light around but he recognized the form of it, the towers pointing into the dark sky. An ugly building, made out of some sort of black crystal, at least that's what he had been told. He had to agree as he let his hands wander over the walls. It was too smooth to be anything else than the finest crystal or glass. Nothing anyone in the village could produce.

The room he had woke up in was also up in one of those towers, the balcony going completely around it. His only kind of freedom for now.

He walked around twice, hoping to find some sort of ladder or stairs to get him out of there but of course it couldn't be that easy. No, the Dark God was many things, but not stupid. If he wanted to keep him here, he would do anything to assure Gavin wasn't able to flee easily.

But did he even want to flee? He had been sent to defeat the Dark God and had failed spectacularly. Foolishly he had believed himself powerful, only to see real power in the face of the battle.

"Fuck," Gavin whispered quietly and nearly jumped when he got a caw as an answer. There sat a single raven on the balustrade of the balcony, and even though animals, birds especially, loved Gavin's presence, this one kept its distance.

Its eyes were blood red and he instinctively knew that it was a minion of the Dark God, a messenger perhaps. So he didn't try to get closer and touch, just watched it until it took off again.

There had been an intelligence in its eyes that was concerning.

Closing the glass door behind him, he stepped back into the room and walked through it with five big steps. The door opposite was surely locked, but he wouldn't let that stop him. He was a God as well, not a prisoner!

He gripped the handle tightly, but sure enough, the door wouldn't budge. Before he could try to break the lock though, he could feel it. The same dread he had felt the closer he came to the castle before. It was the presence of the Dark God, and Gavin took a step back from the door. Had the raven alerted him?

The door opened with a click and Gavin balled his hands into fists. The Dark God stood on the other side, and he was very aware that the other was taller than him, a dark aura following him around like the light did with him.

It was night now, and so the other's powers were stronger than before, far stronger than his. Gavin told himself that was the reason why he didn't attack right away, but deep down he knew that it wasn't the case. He was scared, simple as that. He was far away from home and alone for the first time in his life. The darkness all around was just the damn icing on the cake.

The Dark God watched him for a moment, still blocking the only exit he had, but Gavin forced himself not to move and kept his eyes trained on the other’s face.  He didn't want to appear weak, even if he felt like it.

"I'm glad you recovered so fast, Solar Queen," he finally spoke, and Gavin had to fight down a shiver. "I hope I didn't harm you more than was necessary. I didn't mean to."

"You locked me up, you fiend," Gavin snapped at him, and at least the other had the decency to nod.

"I assure you it was for your own safety."

"My own safety? The only thing that has ever harmed me is you!"

The Dark God fell silent at that, and so Gavin dared to take a step towards him.

"Let me go, Dark God. My place isn't to be locked away like a common criminal. I am a God!"

"That you are." He reached out to Gavin and he quickly stumbled back. Too fresh were the memories of the spreading cold, the purple bruises covering his skin the last time those hands had touched him. A feeling that was so unknown to him that it had scared him to the bone.

"A young God, but apparently you are able to learn," the Dark God said, some kind of amusement in his voice. Gavin didn't like it; it sounded like he was making fun of him.

"Please follow me, Solar Queen. In the parlor we can speak properly."

Gavin opened his mouth to protest but stopped himself. Right now he was at the other’s mercy and he wasn't stupid, he knew when to play along and when to resist.

Right now in the middle of the night and in the belly of the beast wasn't time to resist.

The Dark God stepped away from the door and allowed him out of his room. Maybe he should savor that feeling, who knew when the next time would be.

"Follow me."

The Dark God went ahead and Gavin followed, even though he kept his distance. He didn't want to come into contact with the other man, not even with the long dark cloak that was billowing behind him.

They went down an endless flight of stairs. There were torches that lit up around them and drenched everything in an eerie violet light. It did little to brighten the castle, just enough not to trip with each step, and Gavin hated it. There wasn't light or warmth, it was cold and clinical, and he wanted to touch each and every one of them until they shone so bright that they burned one's eyes.

When they reached what the Dark God called parlor, Gavin wanted to shake in disgust. The room contained only one single desk but that desk was about 16 feet long for whatever reason. Properly talking to each other was impossible with those dimensions and the worse thing was that there were exactly two chairs - one of each side of the table.

How was that practical?

The Dark God pointed to the first chair as if would make a fucking difference, but Gavin sat down and bit his tongue. He wasn't really in a position to criticize the other, even though it was hard not to. After all, he had grown up under Geoffrey Lazer Ramsey, okay? Holding his tongue wasn’t a skill he had learned.

So he waited while the Dark God walked the distance to the other end of the table while each of his steps echoed in the parlor. When he sat down it was hard to make out his expression, not really because he was so far away, but because he blended in with the surrounding darkness.

And even though Gavin felt a little bit better, seeing as the other wasn't so close anymore and he could run before the other managed to grasp him, he was awkwardly aware that his glowing didn't help his case. He was quite literally in the spotlight here.

"When you stepped up to my castle," the Dark God began, "you claimed you wanted to defeat me. Why?"

Well that was easy.

"You bring misery to the humans," Gavin blurted out. His voice echoed in the big room but he hoped that would only help bring his message across. "Your machines and weapons bring more harm than use to the people! People are getting hurt or even killed by them! Food is inedible and streams are getting polluted!"

The Dark God gave a little hum that sounded ghostly in here.

"I guess I can't deny that."

Of course not!

"The people don't want a wrathful God like you!"

"So they sent their puppy to defeat... an immortal being?" The Dark God chuckled and Gavin felt his face heat up.

"I wouldn't have killed you-"

"Which is impossible in the first place. I'm guessing you were supposed to bring me back to the village?"

Gavin lowered his head and watched his neatly folded hands instead. That way he only had to listen to the other man’s laughter.

"I'm guessing those Elders wanted to lock me up, right? As if their magic could hold me, after all I gave them the knowledge of it! But look how the tables have turned - now I locked up their own little bird."

"...only until I could talk to you," Gavin mumbled and wasn't even sure if the other could hear him over the distance. "We wouldn't have locked you up forever, only until both of us figured things out."

For the first time since sitting down it grew quiet in the parlor, and it took more strength than he would like to look up. The Dark God didn't look surprised but he had leaned forward, chin resting on his folded fingers.

"Well, Solar Queen. It appears we are still able to talk. So go ahead."

Not like this. He wanted to talk to him at home where he felt comfortable, not in a huge black hall where the corners were nothing but dark abysses and the ceiling just a vague idea. He wanted to talk where he had the upper hand because the other was securely trapped and couldn't hurt him. The coldness from his touch before was still fresh in his mind.

Unfortunately things hadn't turned out like that, had they?

"Those inventions of yours," he began, a bit of a loss here, "I'm sure they are meant to help but they aren't doing that. I'm sure we can work on them together to give them new purposes so-"

"So that they serve the humans better?"

"Yeah!"

The Dark God sighed and reached up to rub his face. "You are... a new God I bet? Just born?"

"For your information I am 22 years old!"

The other actually huffed at that and right, he was here since the beginning of time but Gavin had learned a lot in the past years!

"So basically a child, but that's fine. You always get attached to the first world you become God in." The Dark God opened his arms nearly invitingly. "Also you were raised by the humans, of course they would teach you things this way. That Gods serve humans and not the other way around."

"Well, I'm sure we can all work together an-"

"Have you ever left the village?" The Dark God interrupted him again, and slowly Gavin got angered by that. It was rude and before nobody had dared to do so with him. Well besides Geoff and Jack, but that was something else.

"No, but I was going to after my training was completed and I had dealt with the more pressing matters." He gesticulated towards the Dark God.

"So you never saw all corners of the world that is rightfully yours, you just stayed in that protected little shell," the Dark God said. "An old tactic, but still useful. They kept you stupid and naive, only telling you what they wanted you to know. Also they were probably especially nice, weren't they? Everyone cheering and showering you in gifts when they saw you? They groomed you, Solar Queen, so that once your powers were ready and you took your place beside me you would decide in their favor."

"How dare you!" Gavin got up and slammed his hands on the table. A burst of gold spread over the glass surface, but he wouldn't let anyone speak ill of the people that had treated him so well. "They were desperate to get rid of your rule! To have a chance in life before they get killed by your inventions! They are good people!"

"Good people who sent you out alone to fight their fight for them the first chance they got. You are barely powerful enough to stay in my vicinity, let alone face me in battle."

Gavin felt how his face grew hotter. He had thought himself powerful and he was, he knew that much. Nobody had been prepared for the power of the Dark God though. Maybe he should have listened to Jack. Jack hadn't want him to go, he had said Gavin wasn't ready for the fight. Back then Gavin had just waved it off. It was his purpose after all! He was here to face the Dark God and help the humans with his tyranny.

Upon his silence the Dark God just sighed deeply. He pulled off his gloves and instantly Gavin scooted away from him, but all he did was lay his bare hands on the table. A cloud of fog began to travel over the smooth surface and began to erase the golden spot he had created before. Even though it was some distance away, Gavin could still feel its coldness.

"Please leave the interior design to me. You're a guest here," the Dark God told him dryly.

"I'm a prisoner."

"We're both Gods of this world. We were meant to work together, even if the Elders told you differently."

The fog began to disperse and without any hurry the Dark God slipped his gloves back on.

"I will be in charge of your training from now on."

"What?"

"I will be training you," he said slower as if Gavin was stupid. "At this age it would be foolish to believe that you reached your full potential, but you should at least be close to it. What you showed me before was weak and laughable."

The Dark God stood before Gavin could protest. "Rest until the morning. You'll need your powers."

 

~+~

 

Gavin walked around the balcony, looking down. His room wasn't locked but he hadn't yet dared to venture out into this huge castle.

The sun was just peeking over the horizon and he felt how his body greedily devoured every ray that hit him. It made him more powerful, made warmth spread into every corner of his being and strengthened his glow.

That was only one reason why he was out here though. Now in the daylight he could take a closer look over the castle. It had seemed huge before but now it was simply massive. The tower he was in was one of three and in the middle of the castle. A part of him had believed he could just leap over the balcony and escape.

It wasn't like he could die, and the few times he had hurt himself in his life were just distant memories, physical pain just an uncomfortable sting that passed in seconds.

Now though, he saw that he would only hit the roof and get lost in the valleys between them. And even if he made it through that labyrinth towards the edge of the castle, the walls were huge and he wasn't confident that he could climb them.

Didn't mean he wouldn't try, but right now he wasn't that desperate. There had to be other exits, windows or doors and finally a huge gate straight through the wall. He just had to find it.

So holding his face one more time into the warm sun, he turned back to his room and beyond. His eyes had a hard time getting used to the sudden darkness because there wasn't a single window in the staircase. The strange torches from yesterday did light up, but his own glow was more than enough to light the way.

The castle was massive and when he reached the first floor, he didn't know where to turn. There were doors everywhere that only lead into more halls that all looked the same. Everything was made out of the same dark material and only a few lamps made out of glowstone showed the way.

The rooms were empty. The further Gavin went, the more frustrating it became.

Who needed all that space just to leave it completely unused? He knew exactly what Geoff would say to that matter.

Even with the few lamps around, the corners stayed dark, giving it an eerie feeling. Each of his steps echoed in the big halls and in the corners of his eyes he could see his own reflection move along with him.

There wasn't a single window anywhere and even though he walked a straight line, he didn't seem to reach the outer wall, no matter how far he went.

"Are you enjoying your little tour through my home?"

Gavin jumped but he wasn't that surprised to see the Dark God just pop up like that. He had just hoped the other was asleep during the day or something.

"No, I don't," he spat back.

"You at least have to appreciate the beauty of this castle."

"All I can see is that you have to compensate for something!"

The Dark God looked at him confused.

"Why would I compensate for anything? I'm a God."

"Doesn't mean that you doesn't have a small dick!" Gavin called before he could stop himself. Oh dear, he really was Geoff's son.

It was worth it though because for the first time the Dark God was speechless. He was staring at Gavin, mouth half open and kinda gaping like a fish. It was hysterical.

"You can't talk to me like that!"

"Why not? I'm also a God, you can't tell me what to do!"

"God or not, nobody should talk like that!"

"Well, remind me to introduce Geoff to you because that will surely break your world view!" He stomped his foot until gold spread over the floor and up the walls just to bring the point home. For the first time since being here he felt like he had won at least this fight.

The Dark God looked annoyed as he eyed the gold, but he just cleared his throat and tried to get himself back under control.

"I was hoping we could leave the hostility aside today."

“You mean I should just forget about the whole kidnapping thing?”

The Dark God sighed but let it go. Not that he had any right to talk back in the first place.

“My name is Ryan. You as a God are allowed to use it casually.”

“Damn weak name for a God, isn’t it?”

“Well it’s not like I chose it in the first place.”

That was true but Gavin refused to let him know that. Folding his arms over his chest, he knew the other wanted an answer from him but he was still thinking about it. Truth was, he didn't really like being called Solar Queen. It was to impersonal, made him feel all weird, and back in the village everyone had called him by his human name. It didn't remind him of his responsibilities all the time.

"Gavin," he finally managed to say.

"Certainly shorter than Solar Queen. A good name," the Dark God - no, Ryan - said, and maybe it was supposed to lighten the mood, but Gavin didn't let it.

They stood on different ends of the halls and the silence between them grew awkward. Ryan especially didn't seem to know what to do with it and Gavin relished in it. The other had probably expected things to go differently once he met the second God of this world; honestly, Gavin had as well, but the kidnapping part hadn't made for a good first impression.

It might be that Ryan was trying to fix that now, but he wasn't very good at it and Gavin wouldn't make it easy for him.

The smoke was rather an afterthought. It followed Ryan around like a dark aura, but now it seeped over the floor like a wave of dirty water. His first instinct was to reel back before it could come into contact with him, but he steeled himself, not wanting to appear weak.

Gavin had never experienced snow or ice, it didn't survive that close to him, but he imagined that was how it felt like. As the fog clouded around his feet he felt them go numb but still refused to move. Instead he focused on his own warmth, the sun beneath his skin and pushed against it.

Light should banish darkness, right? He had believed that when he had faced Ryan yesterday, but after everything he began to doubt it. Still, the cold began to retreat from his body as he focused on it. The smoke was still there, concentrated around him but also crawling up the walls, and he began to understand that Ryan wasn't about to attack him, he just got rid of the gold he had spread before.

If the other was so keen of his aesthetic, Gavin was sure to touch everything he could in his time here.

When the fog finally disappeared, Gavin's heart was beating faster from the exertion but he could still feel his feet.

"Maybe not a lost cause after all," Ryan said slowly. That was probably a compliment, but Gavin just made sure that the other couldn't see what a toll it had taken on him. So he noticed a bit too late when Ryan walked towards him.

Again he forced himself to stay still even though it was hard but he didn't want to be scared of the other man. Fact was though that Ryan was taller than him. Not by much, but he was, and Gavin had to look up to him. The crown didn't help and gave him a few extra inches. It was out of the same dark crystal than everything around here and had nine peaks that seemed dangerously sharp. Even though the Dark God was wearing mostly black, a black vest over his crisp white shirt that was mostly hidden by the same dark cloak from yesterday, his face was surprisingly... well, light.

With all the stories he had heard before, Gavin had figured the other would have black hair and eyes, something straight out of a nightmare, but that wasn't the case. Ryan's hair was of a very dark blonde that was on the verge to brown, but most impressive were his eyes. They were of such a bright blue that it was staggering.

That wasn't only the God of Darkness, no, he could see the intelligence in there. The power of knowledge and inventions looking straight at him and that left him with a strange feeling in his chest.

It grew worse when he realized that not only was he blatantly staring at him, no, Ryan was also watching him. Letting those blue, blue eyes travel over him, and Gavin forced himself to hold still.

Ryan was the one who reached out, though, and Gavin's heart picked up. Those hands had been so cold on his skin before that he had feared his soul would freeze, but right now he didn't think Ryan was going to hurt him.

No, the other was curious about him and Gavin was as well. Living and growing up with humans, he had always wondered what the other God would be like. They were a far cry from a good start, but he couldn't help himself but be curious.

If he touched Ryan, would he also color his clothes, or were they too much a part of him? Could he banish that dark aura completely if he just fought hard enough?

Gavin didn't dare to give it a try.

Ryan caught one of the light orbs coming from him in his hand and gave a little hum when he opened his hand again to find it gone. Gavin watched him as he tried again to test his theory but came to the same conclusion.

"They are very warm," Ryan mumbled nearly to himself before his hand traveled to Gavin's cheek. Not touching but hovering close. Gavin could feel the coldness coming from him.

"Like your glow. It's light in its purest form."

"You feel cold," Gavin said carefully, and Ryan nodded. He watched the orbs some more as they collected on the ceiling.

"How long do they stay there?"

"Until sundown when I'm not around."

"Fascinating," Ryan said, and then more quietly, "Beautiful as well."

Gavin felt how his cheeks flushed and didn't know what to do with that. Thankfully Ryan took a step back, and even though his eyes were still piercing and watching him a little too attentive, that added distance helped. Though he hadn't expected the other to extend his hand as if he expected him to take it.

Gavin watched it warily and made no move to come anywhere close to it. A touch had killed his orbs and had banished his light yesterday, he wouldn't come anywhere close to it.

"I won't hurt you," Ryan assured him.

"Yeah, not buying that."

Something like hurt flitted across Ryan's face, but Gavin didn't find it in him to feel sorry for him. He had it coming.

"We have to get used to each other’s presence."

"I actually want little more than to get away from your damn presence," Gavin spat, and Ryan closed his eyes, probably to gather his patience because it seemed to be wearing thin.

"Fine," he mumbled and then again, "Fine. Just follow me then please? I'd like to show you some things."

"You mean more halls that are completely empty?"

"Just come with me?"

For a moment Gavin was sure that Ryan would simply grasp his arm and drag him along, but the arms of the Dark King just fell to his sides. Maybe because of that Gavin was willing to follow him. He wasn't sure how much of a say he had in that anyway.

They walked back, away from what he thought was the outer wall, but he would have his chance. Right now Ryan would watch him like a hawk and surely wouldn't let him just watz out of here.

The empty rooms dragged on and he didn't even have to say a thing about the lack of furniture. All he did was train his eyes to the back of Ryan's head, and he could clearly sense how the other grew aware of it. As if he had never noticed that he was living in a big box full of nothing.

"I want to show you the library," Ryan finally said if only to interrupt the silence between them.

Gavin would love to give him some witty comments, but couldn't bring himself to it. He liked the library in the village, even if it had been part of his training to read through it. But the library of the God of wisdom and inventions? That surely was a sight to behold!

It was even grander than he had thought. Not even in his wildest fantasies had he imagined a room like this. They stepped through a threshold into another world.

Here there was light, coming from glowstone chandeliers that were barely enough to reach every spot in between the valleys of the shelves. And the shelves! They were so high that Gavin barely saw the top, at least two or three stories until they reached the roof of the castle. There had to be thousands upon thousands of books in a shelf alone, but there were so many! So many shelves that no matter in which direction he turned, he couldn't see the last row.

Did this room go along the whole length of the castle? It had to!

Strewn around were comfortable looking chairs with little tables - perfect to curl yourself up for a few hours.

Next to him Ryan chuckled and Gavin realized he was standing there, staring, but he didn't care. Never before had he seen something of this size, not even the sheer endless fields of wheat behind the farm.

"How-" he began and then didn't know how to articulate the question. Each question he could think of sounded unimportant and not worthy of this place.

"This space contains every book that is written and will ever be written in this world," Ryan explained and Gavin turned towards him. "From fiction, to theater, to important medical breakthroughs. It's all right here. My job is it to give this knowledge at the right time to the right people. That way this world and its civilization will move forwards."

"This is incredible," Gavin mumbled and knew that it wasn't the right word for it. He didn't know if there was a word for this place.

Carefully, he stepped closer to the shelf right in front of him, but only dared to touch one of the books when Ryan nodded.

"The book will always be what you wish it is," he went on. "That way I don't have to search through this thing and find just what I need in that moment."

Sure enough, the heavy book in Gavin's hand was a dictionary and he couldn't help but smile at that. Instead of looking for a fitting word, he put it back in its spot and took the one next to it. Agriculture, Geoff and Jack would love it. And sure enough, as he skipped through the book he found new techniques he had never heard of, using machinery that didn't exist.

"How do you decide when to distribute the knowledge?" he asked and turned back towards the other God.

"That's the question, isn't it?" Ryan just said, amusement in his tone. "I can't rush it of course, I have to let the humans acclimate to the changes and make sure to connect the dots between different pieces of knowledge. Sometimes a nudge is needed, but I don't do that often. Mostly it just takes time or the right person. Finding that one is hard in itself, making sure that they don't misuse or misinterpret the knowledge I give to them. Making sure that this is the path they want for themself and not some burden I give to them unwillingly." Ryan shrugged. "It's an art and a craft. I can show you some examples soon enough."

Gavin nodded and put the second book away as well. This here, this room, was the work of a God, and suddenly he felt small and young besides Ryan.

What had he done for this world until now? Make plants and livestock grow quicker and bring the world nice weather. But that had only been in his village, right? He had never been able to truly see the changes he did everywhere else and if his powers even traveled that far.

He had created a little paradise, but only for himself and the people around him.

"You have to start small with your powers," Ryan interrupted his thoughts as if he could read them. "See it as training, but now we will make it global. I can show you how, can show you how to adjust to that."

"What if I'm not a good God?" He hadn't meant to ask that, didn't want to show that weakness, but the thought had often eaten away at him. Geoff had always said that the question alone meant he would be a great God and Jack had assured him that he had a good heart, but now he stood in front of another God. How could he not ask him then?

"There is no such thing as a good or bad God," Ryan told him and Gavin turned around to look at him.

"Bu-"

"You are a God and you are your own person. Those were the factors why you were chosen to rule this world with me."

"What if I make a mistake?"

"Do you know why there are multiple Gods for a world?" Ryan asked instead, and a bit shyly, Gavin shook his head. That question had never crossed his mind.

"The world begins with one God that shapes it after their own will," Ryan explained and let himself drop into one of the seats. "That was obviously me this time, so I began to form this world with my own talents. Knowledge, inventions and wisdom, things that prosper in darkness. When the world begins to grow in a direction, the second God appears. Please sit down, Gavin."

He did, not so reluctantly as before to be close to the other. The seats were as plush and comfortable as he had imagined but he didn't have the time to get lost in them.

"Why was I chosen as a God?"

"Because you are my opposite. It usually is, so that we have a different point of view. That doesn't always mean that the humans will prosper from that, but I hope we won't be fighting each other to that extent."

He said that last part a bit carefully but Gavin dared to smile at him. It was shy but Ryan relaxed visibly from it. He didn't want to fight with the other God, after all he had always been curious of meeting him. That didn't mean he agreed with the other's method for getting him in here and trapping him but for now he let it go.

"So because I'm light and you are darkness? We are opposite sides of the same coin?"

He had thought that an easy question, but Ryan took his time to think about it.

"To some degree, yes but also because I am a God of the mind and you are a God of the heart."

That sounded about right and Gavin allowed himself to relax a little.

"So to answer your previous question; We will decide together from now on if you want to. That's usually how it's handled, and seeing that you are a newborn God it would be for the best. That way we can avoid mistakes, and when it happens anyway... well, we're Gods. We just pretend that it was meant to be like that."

Gavin chuckled at that, but it did feel like a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders. That had been a question that had haunted him for as long as he could remember now, and the fact that not only Ryan would be able to help but also didn't ridicule him was more than he had wished for.

"I think I'd like that," he admitted and they both shared a small smile.

“How old are you then, Ryan?”

“This is the sixth time I’ve been a God, but the first time that it’s my own world to shape.”

“Oh, that had to be such a challenge! So you created everything from scratch?”

He nodded. “Though of course I took inspiration from the previous worlds I’ve ruled.”

Gavin could see how proud he was and how could he not? The world was beautiful, with more colors that he could ever count and the air so warm that it felt like a hug. At least the parts he knew. He had heard stories where there were bad parts, with horrible crimes.

He wanted to ask Ryan about that but didn’t quite dare yet. Not when he looked so pleased with himself, but he would ask eventually. Just not right now.

Instead he looked around the immense room and still couldn't grasp its sheer size.

“Feel free to read whatever you want,” Ryan told him as he followed his eyes.

“Really?”

“Knowledge is important. You should take whatever chance you get to expand on it.”


	3. God of Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've done something that no one has ever done before," he said slowly and leaned his back against the wall behind the. "I captured the sun."
> 
> Gavin blinked his eyes open but didn’t turn towards him. He was staring at the sun before outstretching one hand towards it, as if he wanted to touch and be one with it only to get out from here.
> 
> "The sun hates it," he replied as he parted sun rays with his mere fingers, throwing shadows over his own face that looked like iron bars. "It wants to be free."

Chapter 3

God of Mind

 

Ryan was pleasantly surprised when in the following days he would be able to find Gavin in the library. He would sit there, curled up in one of the seats and with a different book in his hand each time. Usually Ryan would leave him to it, but sometimes the other asked him to sit down with him.

"I've read about this procedure to make all kinds of food last longer," he started immediately. "If we could teach the humans that, a lot of hunger in this world would stop. The winters wouldn't be as hard either - I heard that some parts of the world are completely covered in snow during that!"

"I see where you're going for, but it's not that easy. For that procedure we need different machines than we have now. Also, there is no way to extract the metal we need for some of the parts. Lastly, as the humans are slowly learning to work with electricity more efficiently, they wouldn't be able to power this yet."

Gavin deflated visibly and closed the book with a sigh.

"This is so hard..."

"You'll get the hang of it soon enough. Also knowledge isn't really your problem, so let me worry about that. As long as we decide on a goal, I'll set everything in motion."

After a moment Gavin nodded, but he wasn't happy with it. Ryan was a bit of a loss of what to do. It had been a long, long time since he had any form of company, and even though he had met younger Gods over his time, they were never a newborn one that only had him. He wasn't quite sure how to deal with Gavin who was so naive and simply different from him.

Added to that was the stubbornness he noticed in the young man.

Ryan could clearly read Gavin's path through the castle because he not only left the orbs of light everywhere, making even the darkest corners of the rooms look like they were filled with fireflies, but he also touched everything, regardless if it was cloth, the little furniture he kept, or simply the walls. Everywhere he left streaks of gold because he knew it would annoy Ryan.

Something else he didn't know how to deal with.

"Geoff would love this place," Gavin mumbled, and that as well, those names that didn't belong anymore in the world he lived in now. "He loved books and stories! I think he also nearly read every book in the village!"

"A simple human couldn't comprehend all this knowledge here."

"Geoff is very smart," Gavin said defensively.

"That doesn't change the facts," Ryan reminded him, and now he was glared at. How childish.

Smacking the book down on the little table at his side, Gavin sat up.

"When can I go back home, Ryan?"

Startled, he looked at Gavin. In the beginning his light had been nearly blinding and had hurt in his eyes. Not that he had looked away then, no, but now he felt like he gotten used to it.

"What do you mean? This is your home now."

Gavin shook his head wildly, making sparks fly from his hair.

"No! I want to go back to Geoff and Jack, back to the farm and the village! They all have to be so worried."

"I don't see why that would be necessary." He got up, didn't want to hear or think about this nonsense anymore, but Gavin grasped his cloak tightly. It was the first time Gavin had touched him willingly, and Ryan stopped and turned towards him.

"I can't just stay in here, Ryan. I want to go back to the village! They sent me out to face you but if I go back and explain them what is going on, I'm su-"

"You as a God do not need to explain a thing to them," Ryan stopped him right there, and now Gavin seemed properly angry. Angrier than the first night he had woke up here because the fear was gone.

"I as a God will not allow you to keep me trapped here," he snapped and twisted Ryan's cloak in his hand. Gold spread through the fabric, and annoyed, Ryan slapped his hand away.

"Stop that. It's rude."

"Oh yeah, because I’m the rude one!" Gavin got onto his feet but Ryan was still taller than him. That didn't stop him from glaring up to him.

"I demand to be let free, Dark God!"

"There is no need for you to leave this place, Solar Queen," he replied coldly. "But surely you can explore the world freely once your training is over."

"And when would that be?"

He shrugged because Gavin wouldn't like the answer. It would take a long time because there was a lot to learn, and by then those humans in the village would be replaced by new ones. No need to travel there anymore.

He hadn't expected Gavin to slam the book against his chest and surprised he caught it before it could drop to the floor. The other turned away in a motion of proper anger and didn't even look at him.

"You're horrible."

"And you have to learn to grow up," Ryan just told him flatly, which was apparently the wrong thing to say.

Gavin had only taken a few steps before he stopped and turned back around to face him.

"Fuck you," he said, low and poisonous before he truly stormed off.

Taken aback, Ryan stood still and watched the glowing orbs he had left behind began to travel towards the ceiling. There weren't as many as before, at least he thought so, but he didn't want to dwell on that.

He didn't know how to handle Gavin, simple as that. He was naive and emotional and still a bit narrow minded, which was of course because he was still young and didn't quite understand how the world worked.

There was also the bluntness like right now, and that was the most concerning thing. The way Gavin talked to him was foreign and unusual and he didn't know how to react to it. Nobody had dared to do that before.

Sighing, he looked down at the book before placing it back on the shelf. There was more than enough work waiting for him, always would be, but so much more to teach.

That was another thing, Gavin was clever. For a God of the heart and not the mind he grasped things quickly and was eager in doing so. The emotional part was concerning and Ryan knew that those two things would clash horribly once he started Gavin the consequences of each decision he made. But for now it would hopefully make things easier.

 

When Ryan climbed up the tower hours later, he was irritated at best. How long could you pout over something so small? Was it worth to lose a whole day for it?

Apparently so because Gavin hadn't left his room since their little quarrel. So now Ryan knocked and then let himself in without waiting for an answer. It was his castle after all.

The room he had provided Gavin with was more comfortable than many others in the castle. It had a plush bed even though they didn't need to sleep because he knew that night time was harder on the Solar Queen than the day. For him it was vice versa, but after all this time he was used to it.

Now as he stepped inside the room, he barely recognized it anymore.

The ceiling was full of the little orbs Gavin left behind, but the room itself was washed out in pinks and yellows and apricot, pastel colors that faded into each other and gave a much more pleasing color scheme than the harsh gold Gavin left everywhere else in the castle.

This had probably happened just from Gavin's presence and wasn't as willful as the gold. It looked like a trapped sunrise.

Gavin wasn't in the room itself but the door to the balcony was open, and when Ryan stepped outside, he found the Solar Queen sitting in a sunny patch towards the side. He had to hear him coming but Gavin didn't look up. He had his arms crossed on the balustrade and his head on top of his hands. His eyes were closed but he wasn't asleep. Two of Ryan’s messengers were sitting by him, the huge ravens somehow misplaced in the picture.

"What are you doing?"

"This is the only place in this prison that I can see the sun, isn't it?" Gavin snapped at him and still didn't bother looking at him.

So disrespectful.

"I didn't find the need for any windows in this castle," Ryan said drily, and Gavin just huffed.

"Sure, wouldn't want to destroy your aesthetic with a cursed ray of light, right?"

Again Ryan didn't know what to reply to that, mostly because it was kind of true. Not that he would admit that.

But he figured Gavin was right; as comfortable as Ryan felt hidden away in the dark, he didn't enjoy being out in the sun for too long. It was like a spotlight that was only following him, scalding and unforgiving and showing everyone his every move.

It was probably the same for Gavin, just the other way around; the darkness leaving him on edge. Maybe he should have considered that part more.

The sun suited the Solar Queen though. In the dark castle he was easy to find, a lonely firefly in the night, but out here he looked eternal. A contained supernova that granted eternal warmth or absolute destruction.

Back when Gavin had walked towards his castle, ready for a fight he wasn't even close to being prepared for, Ryan had been able to see him from miles away. A beacon of light, ethereal and unrelenting.

That had stopped once Ryan had brought him in this castle.

Unsure with himself Ryan stood next to him but was further ignored so that Gavin could turn towards the sun. He had seen cats and other animals do that as well, even traveling with the sun in favor for warmth and he could bet that Gavin did the same.

Slowly he sat down next to the Solar Queen and faced the sun himself.

It had been a long, long time since he had done that and the warmth felt weird on his body. He looked down at his hands and found himself sickly pale, something he hadn't noticed, but against Gavin's tan skin it was omnipresent.

He wanted to touch that skin, wanted to see if it would rub off on him and how warm it would be. Only that it would hurt Gavin, right? With their difference of power there was no other way, no matter how much Ryan wanted there to be.

"I've done something that no one has ever done before," he said slowly and leaned his back against the wall behind the. "I captured the sun."

Gavin blinked his eyes open but didn’t turn towards him. He was staring at the sun before outstretching one hand towards it, as if he wanted to touch and be one with it only to get out from here.

"The sun hates it," he replied as he parted sun rays with his mere fingers, throwing shadows over his own face that looked like iron bars. "It wants to be free."

How was he supposed to reply to that? Gavin wouldn't understand that he wasn't so much locking him in as he was protecting him. The humans out there would use him up, regardless of the consequences and only for their own gain. Ryan had seen it more than enough times already, and it would hurt Gavin more than the distance he experienced right now, but he was just too emotional, too trapped in his own little perfect world.

The messengers were fluttering with their wings but didn't give up their closeness to the Solar Queen, which was strange in itself. Ryan had always figured they hated the sun because they always kept to the shadows. Now they seemed to relish in the warmth.

"This isn't the only place with sun in this castle," he found himself saying but Gavin just huffed as answer.

Sitting behind him, Ryan had time to watch him more closely. The rags he was wearing, surely the best such a small village could provide and made with love, but nothing fitting for a God. They only deserved the best the world had to offer and he would make sure Gavin would be provided with something more flattering.

Ripping his eyes from the arch of the other’s back, he got up and held his hand out.

"Let me show you. I think you will like it."

Humans before had fought for the honor of touching him, had fallen to their knees and kissed his knuckles and rings, but Gavin just turned away as if disgusted. That was such a new reaction that again he didn't know what to do with it, and helplessly he let his hand drop back to his side.

"I'll come back," Gavin whispered next, grasping the railing tightly. "It isn't like I will be gone for months or something because I really want to learn and help you, Ryan!"

Only that he couldn't be sure. Either because Gavin was lying to him or the humans in the village would whisper to him. Ryan had finally gotten him where he wanted him to be and he couldn't lose him anymore.

"It's just my home, the people there are my family! Don't you know what that's like?"

"This is my home."

Finally Gavin looked up to him and Ryan hated seeing him so upset.

"What about before?" Gavin asked. "When you were a newborn God. You were found by a human and raised as well, right? That's part of it. Don't you miss your parents?"

"That was aeons ago. I barely remember them." Which wasn't quite true, but it was easier to explain it like that. "The feelings you have for them are fleeting and will pass soon enough."

Gavin stared at him like he had straight up slapped him in the face, and a bit taken aback, Ryan stopped talking. There was clear misery in the other's eyes and Gavin turned away from him again to press his face against his hands, still grasping the railing.

"I love Jack and Geoff. That's not something that will just disappear!"

Ryan wanted to disagree but kept his mouth shot. Gavin didn't know yet that in the grand scheme of things it was time that destroyed all.

"Please let me go. Please, just so that I can properly say goodbye and explain things to them. That's all I want!"

"A God should never beg."

"It's not like I have another choice!" Gavin snapped at him. His hands were still wrapped around the railing, grasping it so tightly that Ryan feared it would just snap in half. Instead it glowed slightly, but it wasn't the fantastic gold or soft sunrise, it was nearly too bright to look at, no real color at all, just harsh light that hurt the eyes. A simple outlet for emotions.

Then Gavin pulled himself together. A deep breath while he raised his head and looked forward into the sun, not at Ryan himself. It took a moment longer before he managed to let go of the railing and got to his feet.

One of Ryan's messengers fluttered on his shoulder and Gavin patted them nearly absentmindedly, leaving small stars in the black feathers. In the next second the birds flew up into the sky to circle around the castle some more. For now though it just looked like they were free to go wherever, and Ryan could see how Gavin's shoulders slumped at that.

"Fine," Gavin finally said. "Show me that other place with sun."

"It's the garden."

That made Gavin look up, the smallest hint of interest in his big green eyes and Ryan counted that as a success. He didn't try to outstretch his hand again though and simply turned around to show Gavin the way.

 

The garden laid in the middle of the castle and if Ryan was honest, it had been a long time since he had even thought about it. It wasn't grand besides in size but he also couldn't really hope to impress Gavin with a simple garden. But it was another sunny place just like he had promised; well, at least around noon.

"This is awful!" Gavin called out once he took in his surroundings. "The walls are too high, how do you expect those plants to grow without the sun?"

Which was probably true and Ryan had to wince himself when he stepped out into the garden. He should have checked on it first before showing it to Gavin now that he thought about it.

All the flowers and plants he had bothered planting a few years ago were dead and gone. Some nothing more than dust, others turning into it once Gavin touched them. Even the grass was weak and of a pale green.

Only around the small stream that went through the middle he could find some life. Some resilient herbs that didn't look to healthy now that he checked on them more closely.

"I'm not very talented with plants it seems," he admitted carefully, and Gavin threw him another glare.

"You're very talented in trapping and squeezing the life out of things!"

Ouch. Alright.

Gavin turned back around and dropped to his knees and touched the earth. It was hard but broke apart when he pressed down on it, looking more like stone than Ryan liked to admit.

"Even the earth is dead! And I don't think you have any soil laying around, do you?"

He didn't. Why would he? This right here had been a little project, nothing more. Clearly forgotten when he went back to work and later just another spot in the castle he never visited. It wasn't that important.

But maybe it was to Gavin.

Ryan could see how his shoulders slumped as he brushed his hands off. The earth fell like dust from his fingers and Ryan followed his eyes as they went up. With the high walls around them, the blue above seemed far away and kinda like looking up a chimney. Maybe it was sad, now that he thought about it.

Next to him Gavin got back on his feet and stomped off, back inside the castle that was his prison now and Ryan didn't try to stop him. Looking at all those pretty flowers he had killed in his grasp and greed, he might understand what the other was feeling.

 

So he left Gavin alone for the next days. They would barely talk, only when Gavin had a question or a suggestion while he was reading a book. Ryan made sure to answer them and show him new things. Gavin was eager for that, it was obvious no matter how much he wanted to pretend he wasn't. When he showed him the map of the world, Gavin sat there for hours, tracing mountains with his fingers and counting distances. The room was filled with his light orbs long after he left and Ryan found himself sitting there, watching them gather at the ceiling.

He had figured showing Gavin all this new knowledge would make him forget all about that dusty, insignificant village he had come from, but it only worked for a while. The moment the fascination with something new dimmed, so did his mood and his lips were sealed shut. He even went as far as to ignore Ryan when he tried to talk to him to something not 'business' related, and that certainly hadn't happened before.

"Why are my messengers golden?" he called, roughly a week after he had shown Gavin the garden. He had called for one of his ravens and what had landed on his hand wasn't the same black bird with red eyes as before, no, it was glowing like fire. The eyes had stayed the same, but now it rather looked like a phoenix if anything else.

Stomping through the castle, he had found Gavin in the library, reading away on yet another book.

"What were you doing with my messengers?"

They shouldn't listen to Gavin's will, so he didn't think they would sent a message to someone outside but he had seen them around the Solar Queen a few times. All in all he was more impressed than angry, but it was still an issue. If someone in the world got a message from these birds, they would know it was from him and no one else. The birds couldn't just look different!

"I gave them a good petting," Gavin just said and looked at him over the book. "Seems like you never did that. Those poor things were starved for attention."

"Gavin, those are my subordinates. They have to follow a certain... aesthetic or oth-"

"Oh no," Gavin interrupted him and lazily turned the page. "All your friends will think you're not as cool anymore. What can you possibly do?"

Ryan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. In times like this he wished he could pray to a higher being for patience, but unfortunately he was the higher being. The bird on his hand fluttered nervously but stayed where it was.

"Gavin, take it back. I need them to sent a message."

"I can't take it just back. It looks like you gotta spend some quality time with them." He didn't even try to hide his smirk. "That's Carl, by the way. He loved it when I petted his neck."

"Their name is not Carl."

"What is it then?"

"They don't have names, they are birds!"

Again Gavin threw him one of those long, calm gazes out of those green eyes. Ryan could literally see the mischievousness dance.

"Carl it is then."

"Gav-"

"Please don't interrupt me further. I am learning, Ryan."

 

So he, the Dark God, spent the afternoon surrounded by his messengers. Their golden glow filled the room he had locked himself in to work, to a degree that gave him a headache. They were thankfully quiet but he could feel their eyes on him while he wrote his letters. It was somehow unnerving. Thankfully the proximity to him slowly dimmed the glow down and by the night they were mostly pitch black again.

He sent the first one shortly after, the envelope secured around its leg. With the second one he waited for dawn and he chose a certain bird, Carl, for it. There was one golden feather left on his neck and Ryan watched out to not touch it as he sent him off.

 

~+~

 

His first answer was immediate which wasn't a surprise. He chose the tailors who were allowed to work for him carefully and the cloak he pulled from the package felt like woven water. He let it run through his fingers and couldn't stop touching it, even though he knew the feeling by heart now. The cloak was black, something he hadn't thought about, but at least it was a little shorter than usual.

He found the Solar Queen in the garden this time. It was around noon so the place was finally drenched in warm sunlight, and Ryan watched for a while longer. Gavin was walking around the space, his hands outstretched as if he wanted to show life the way to the sun. The grass was green now, healthy, and even the herbs started to grow again.

It still looked sad, nothing could change that in such a short amount of time, but it was certainly prettier. Maybe because Gavin was looking so at peace while using his powers and Ryan didn't want to interrupt him. It was such a rare thing to see after the past days because even though Ryan didn't want to admit it but he had noticed how Gavin appeared more dim lately. Even the orbs around had grown less.

But then Gavin noticed him and stopped in his motions. The peace from before gone, he frowned and let his hands fall to his sides.

"Why are you creeping on me?"

"I wasn't. I just didn't want to interrupt you." Finally Ryan stepped into the garden and promptly threw his gift so that Gavin wouldn't stare at him like this anymore. It was a bit unnerving because he couldn't read the other's eyes well. With humans it was easier, but not with other Gods and it was hard to figure out what exactly the other was thinking.

Now Gavin caught the cloak and held it in front of him. Once he realized what it was, his face darkened again.

"Why are you giving me this? I have clothes."

"Because you deserve only the best fabric, not that scratchy cloth you're wearing."

Gavin glared at him but it didn't have any effect. Not when he didn't let go of the cloak and Ryan could clearly see how he caressed it. It had to be the softest thing he had ever felt, because Ryan knew that in his little village there certainly wasn't a supply of silk of this quality. No, only in the southern part of this world you could find this kind. It was already brightening under Gavin's fingers, and even though he fought against it, in the end he pressed the cloak against his chest.

"Send the tailor my regards for their work. It's truly a stunning piece."

"She will be very pleased to hear that." Ryan felt his mouth twitch and turned away. It should annoy him, that blatant disregard of his place in this, but it was rather amusing. Gavin had to notice anyway by the way his face hardened, but Ryan had kinda hoped for it. The Solar Queen was many things, including very perceptive.

"Are you expecting a thanks to you for someone else's work?" Gavin asked. "All you did was command this woman and she delivered. Your part in it was minuscule, but we already figured out that you have the need to compensate."

"It is always a pleasure to carry a conversation with you," Ryan admitted, amused. "But I am very glad that you seem to enjoy my present."

"I didn't ask for it and I will not wear it for you, but I was raised to not disregard hard work."

Ryan held up his hand to calm him down. "I would never go against your precious values, Gavin. I was just looking forward to giving you your second present.  _ I _ put a lot of hard work into it, so I'm sure you will appreciate it as well."

Gavin's eyes narrowed but he didn't stop him as he went to retrieve the black leather box. The seams shone golden in the sunlight and he could tell that Gavin's eyes lit up just by seeing it.

At least until Ryan lifted the lid.

"I noticed that you are still missing a crown."

He had to admit to himself that it was a masterpiece. The crown was made out of winding paths of crystal, painting mazes of pictures. Flowers and suns and everything in between. Granted it wasn't his own style, he liked it more straightforward but it wasn't his.

"It's black as you can tell but I figured you could take care of the golden aspect of it."

He hadn't expected Gavin to leap for joy or even sent him one of his blinding smiles, but he had at least expect a thank you. What he got was such an irritated look that he was taken aback.

"I have a crown, Dark God."

"Where is it then?"

"It seems that it is still out in the field where you captured me, waiting for my return."

Ryan tried to think back to the moment out there when he had first faced Gavin. Right, in his golden hair had been sunflowers. Pretty maybe, but-

"That was hardly a fitting crown for a God. It's not even a fitting crown for a king!"

Gavin's hand grasped his new cloak tighter and the fabric instantly turned to pure gold. "It was the crown I chose!"

"It's a crown for child's play, put together carelessly and without any value to it!"

The cloak in Gavin's hand began to move, his hair as well as if caught in a updraft.

Ryan took a calculated step back because he knew the wrath of a God when he saw it.

"The crown you chose is empty of emotion, blank of any color, and as soulless as you, Dark God!" Gavin's voice carried high, echoing in the garden as his eyes turned golden. It was as if the sun itself was trapped in Gavin's skull, unable to escape.

"My crown was made out of the very flowers I was born in and crafted with love from the man who raised me! If this is the crown you offered me, there is nothing you understand about me! This right here is a disgrace, an insult to my very being, and the fact that you dare to stand like this in front of me is just plain inexcusable!"

It should be scary. Every mortal being would drop to their knees and beg for forgiveness, but Ryan could only watch. The godly power contained in such a human container was daring to burst out, and he watched mesmerized as the light shone from beneath skin, painting every vein golden. The heat coming from Gavin was powerful, dangerous like the sun itself, but Ryan still had to touch, to make sure it was real.

All it took was brushing against Gavin's hand and he felt the heat shoot up his arm like molten fire. It was painful, more painful than any other thing he had yet experienced in this world, but he couldn't let go.

The light burned his skin down to his bones and still he tried to catch it, to control it in his hand. It was as deadly as it was beautiful and around the grass began to burn and turn black. The life Gavin had just given, already taken away. The crown in his other hand burst into thousand shards, the box going up in flames, and Ryan just let it drop to the floor.

"You done?" he asked with little hope that it would reach Gavin, but then the light actually dimmed a little.

"Don't ever dare to insult Jack's work again!" Gavin said, and even his voice was distorted now.

"As you wish. Would you now stop destroying the garden?"

The light settled back into little orbs, draining from Gavin's eyes until the Solar Queen took a deep breath. When he looked around and saw the destruction, the burned grass and plants, something like guilt crossed his face, but he quickly locked it back inside. Only slowly he seemed to realize what had happened and quickly he took a step back.

Ryan hadn't even noticed that he still held on to him and now let go. His hand was burned, nearly down to the bone and it took him a moment to heal it. When he looked back up again, Gavin was watching him, pained.

"You didn't fight against it," Gavin mumbled, and Ryan shook his head. He could've. He was still much stronger than Gavin and could have easily banished that destructive light with his own shadows.

"Why stop something so beautiful?" It had been just that, breathtaking and powerful. It had been too long since he'd seen another God's power, and it made him feel alive.

Gavin stared at him as if he was insane but Ryan was fully aware that he wasn't.

"It does seem like you weren't too fond of my try at a crown," he went on and plucked some shards of black crystal from his arm. "And hearing you right now I don't think I will be able to supply a perfect crown for you. That's a real shame, I figured it would look lovely on you."

"I don't want your crown, I want my own and I want it done by Jack and nobody else."

"Fine. At least try on your new cloak?"

Gavin looked down on it as if he had forgotten about it. Honestly Ryan wouldn't be surprised if that thing was destroyed, but it appeared still intact. It made the air glimmer when Gavin threw it over his shoulder and it was a stunning contrast to his tanned skin.

"Gorgeous," Ryan mumbled as he stepped forward to fasten it around the others neck. Gavin didn't tell him to stop, didn't back away, but watched him closely. Even if his eyes were green now, the power behind them was obvious.

"It suits you, I'm glad." Ryan let go. He had made sure not to leave any dark marks on the fabric because it wasn't his place, but now he wanted to anyway. Just to break that perfect picture in front of him, to put something from himself into it.

They were standing close enough that all he had to do for that was reach out but Gavin was still watching him. Ryan wasn't sure how the other would react if he dared to touch him more intimately, to feel how warm his skin was but he didn't think he would burn him. No, not again.

"I also sent an invitation out to your dear Geoff and Jack," he said instead, and the change was immediate.

A childish wonder dawned on Gavin's face and Ryan wished he could lock away in his memory.

"Should they accept, they are allowed in my castle walls for a visit."

"What?"

He couldn't help but be amused.

"What about that didn't you understand?"

"You," Gavin simply said. "It's you I don't understand."

"You wanted to see them so badly, but I can't allow you to go outside just yet. So the easiest solution was for them to come to us. I hope I didn't arrange a meeting you would be uncomfortable with."

The green eyes flitted over his face and Ryan let him, he knew Gavin wanted to figure him out and he would, sooner or later. They weren't working against each other and he didn't want to hurt Gavin in any way. Fact was, though, that he had more experience than him and knew what was best for now.

Still, this would be a peace offering, because the hostility between them didn't sit right with him. He had waited too long for the Solar Queen to appear that he was all out of patience.

"Thank you," Gavin finally replied, a vulnerable in his face that he tried to hide. "Thank you, Ryan."

 

~+~

 

Of course Geoff and Jack agreed on the visit, and once Gavin heard about that, there wasn't anything that could stop him. He was running around the castle without a real goal in mind. Ryan was pretty sure he was trying to clean up or something, not that anything was in the way.

"We don't have any food, Ryan! What should we offer them when they come by?"

"We don't need to eat."

"But they do! It's common courtesy! We don't even have tea! Ryan, we totally need tea! Reading and learning is easier with tea," Gavin insisted, and Ryan could basically watch how his mind was running a thousand miles per second. "Did you ask them to bring something? They will expect something here!"

"I fear I didn't."

Groaning, Gavin let himself fall onto one of the chairs and Ryan allowed himself to watch him. There was a strange fond feeling for the other God in his chest, which wasn't unusual, and he was glad for it. There had been instances were all he had felt for other Gods was disgust, but not Gavin. Gavin who was already jumping back on his feet, another idea in his mind.

"Jack could bring us seeds for the garden! We could make it all new with pretty flowers, even sunflowers! Oh, Jack could've made me a new crown, why didn't I think of that?"

He turned to Ryan, nearly surprised that he was still there and grinned.

"But I guess they can bring that stuff the next time they come around!"

Ryan couldn't bring himself to tell him that he didn't expect this to be a regular occurance, not when he was this happy.

 

~+~

 

They were waiting outside of the castle for Geoff and Jack to arrive and Gavin appeared ready to just combust. To be honest they were outside way too early; Ryan could sense the shadows walking over this world, and it would take another hour before Geoff and Jack would be here, but it was worth it. It was the first time since Gavin had stepped in front of him that he was able to go outside and enjoy the sun.

It left Ryan with a wary feeling, seeing him out here and imagining him running away. Gavin wouldn't be able to get far, but it would still hurt to know that the other God despised him that much.

It was an unusual fear for Ryan, but it was clearly there and there would have to be time later to ponder over it. Still, it was worth it because Gavin waited by his side, not necessarily patiently but he stayed. He stayed with his face angled towards the sun and a giddy sort of spark in his eyes.

Once they could see the silhouettes appear over the hills there was no holding back anymore. Gavin was off to meet both of them in a fierce hug, and again Ryan felt that strange pang in his chest.

There was an image in his mind; how Gavin would take their hands and turn his back on Ryan and just disappear.

That he would actively decide to go back to this tiny village and make Ryan wait even longer. He probably would let him, after all if one thing they had it was time, but the past decades since he had felt Gavin's soul appear had been a test of his patience already, and he would prefer not to go through that again.

Before Ryan could further work himself up over this, he could see them coming closer now and he quickly pulled himself to his full height.

"Ryan!" He could hear Gavin call over the distance, and that eased something in his chest.

The two humans though threw him much more wary looks, and as he reached out into their minds he could see their clear distrust towards him. How they wanted to grasp Gavin tighter and bring him back home or somewhere else. As long as it was far enough away from Ryan it would be fine.

Those feelings were probably understandable, after all he had taken their son away and kept him to himself. This was how things were supposed to be, but humans often got difficult when they were confused with emotions. Also neither of the two acted on it and restrained themselves. They even let Gavin pull them steadily closer until they stopped in front of him.

"Those are Jack and Geoff," Gavin told him in excitement and beamed up at him. The sparks were flying from him with every motion and his grin was impossible wide. "And this is the Dark God! You can call him Ryan!"

No they couldn't, but Ryan couldn't find it in him to talk back when Gavin was looking at him like that. He also had to remind himself that these two had been chosen as fit to raise a God, so a bit of respect was maybe in order. Anyway neither of them looked like they would actually call him Ryan, not by a long shot.

The wary look was still there, even if they lowered their heads as a greeting. They didn't kneel, but he couldn't tell if it was because of protest or because Gavin was still holding oh so tightly onto them, like he was fearing Ryan would just send them away.

It was too late for that now and he stepped aside to point towards the entrance to his castle.

"Come in then."

All he wanted to do was lead them into the parlor and then give them some privacy. He was acutely aware that he was the odd one out here, the fiend like so often, and he didn't want to ruin this for Gavin. Whatever conversation would occur between those three wasn't meant for his ears and he probably wouldn't like what he'd hear anyway. However Gavin wanted to explain his current position, Ryan had no illusion that he wouldn't be painted in the best light.

"I brought presents."

Such a simple sentence that cut straight through his plan because in the next second Gavin gasped.

"It's Jack's bread! Ryan, you have to try it! There is nothing better when it's fresh out of the oven, but even now you won't find anything better around the world!"

As if a boy who had never left his village was one to talk.

"Then you shouldn't share it with me any have for yourself. I am in no need of food."

Gavin actually dared to pout at him which was something that seriously nobody had ever done and Ryan had no idea how to react to it.

"But you have to! Don't be rude!"

And so he found himself sitting down with them and couldn't help feeling terribly awkward. He was far from the only one, seeing how tense the two humans in the room were, but apparently Gavin couldn't tell. No, he looked happy enough even though he had to be able to tell how ridiculous this was.

The long stretched table wasn't made for four people. It wasn't made for  _anything_ really! It was just a decorative thing with no real purpose and it had been ridiculous to have Gavin sit on one end and him on the other.

But now?

Now Geoff and Jack sat at Gavin's side and Ryan sat alone at the other end. He might as well be in another room!

Truly, he had no one to blame for that but himself. Of course they would group around Gavin and of course he couldn't just choose to sit directly next to one of them. That might just be a tad more awkward than their current positions.

Gavin had shared the bread between them and blabbered all along. He talked about the castle and his journey here and the animals that had joined him, and then he went into a huge description about Ryan's messengers. He even mentioned the library, his words nearly stumbling over each other as he tried to paint a picture that couldn't be painted for human minds.

It was something that humans shouldn't even be aware of, least of all know details about, but Ryan found his lips locked. He couldn't bring himself to interrupt Gavin when he was gesticulating so wildly and looking more alive than he had ever seen him. He was so obviously happy in that moment, and Ryan couldn't destroy it.

So instead of paying attention to Gavin's words, he let his eyes wander.

Both of the humans looked strong, their bodies shaped by the hard work on the farm. Gavin had told him bits and pieces about the fields and animals there, a safe haven for a young God, but more a playground for a child.

Somehow Ryan yearned to see it for himself one day, but that wasn't important.

In Jack's eyes he could see the very same kindness he had experienced in Gavin's heart. This man had obviously been chosen because of that skill, something rare and untainted. He had been the one who had bake the bread and had insisted on bringing it.

Geoff not as much. He had wanted to spit in the bread or straight up try and kick Ryan's ass, but Ryan could tell that those thoughts had just been a helpless fury. After all, he had watched his son disappear and not coming back home again. Now that he saw Gavin alive and well it was crumbling by the minute.

Still, he had taught Gavin how to fight. How to be smart and cheeky and stand up for himself, something that had surprised Ryan time and time again. Something that Gavin would need in his time ahead.

Yes, those two had been the perfect match to raise the Solar Queen and now that they relaxed with time, he was able to read more into them. He decided against it though, didn't like to pry too deep into people's soul and also because Gavin wouldn't appreciate it.

On the topic of Gavin, the other had finally stopped his endless supply of words and was staring at him expectantly.

At first Ryan didn't know why. Was he supposed to leave the room? He had planned to since the beginning but Gavin had dragged him in; so now he would just throw him out? In his own castle at that!

Then he remembered his slice of bread and looked down at it. He couldn't remember the last time he had eaten anything. It wasn't necessary for him and he was usually too busy to even think about it but now it was expected from him. Now it was a present, mostly for Gavin of course, but he had shared.

So he took a bite from the bread, well aware of the three pairs of eyes watching his every movement and couldn't help but wonder - not for the first time - how he had ended up here. He was a God! Those two humans should cover in front of his every step and Gavin should be an eager student!

But no, here he sat and ate bread he didn't even want just because of a single glance from Gavin.

Fuck, when had that happened?

Still-

"It's good," he said, because he figured it was. It wasn't like he had any reference to begin with. Sure he had eaten bread before, but that had been aeons ago, worlds even! Maybe back when he had been born and had been raised. You picked up a lot of things from the humans around during that time.

Jack seemed startled by that reaction as if he expected... what? That Ryan would just spit it back out? He didn't know and Jack didn't either.

"Thank you very much, Dark God," he stammered, and Ryan just nodded. It was a huge compliment, the biggest one you could get, but that didn't explain Gavin smiling at him as if he had hung the moon itself in the sky.

Which he had, now that he thought about it.

However, shortly after that he did excuse himself. Human contact and this strange form of mingling was confusing and exhausting in a new kind of way. He didn't like it and there were really more important matters for him to take care of.

Only that he couldn't concentrate on his tasks. This was his castle and he could feel humans inside, their every movement in the shadows, and if he wanted to, he could listen in to each word spoken.

He didn't, mostly out of respect for Gavin, but also because he didn't want to hear it. He could tell that things had changed and now it was mostly Jack and Geoff talking while Gavin was listening.

It didn't feel like smalltalk and he knew that topic was he himself.

 

The visit came to a close a few hours later. The way from the village to his castle and back took hours, and if the humans wanted to reach their farm before it got dark they would have to go. Sure, in theory they could sleep here, but he wasn't ready to allow them that honor. Nobody had asked in the first place, not even Gavin, and by the time Ryan stepped back into the parlor, the humans were ready to leave.

They embraced Gavin for a long time in a shared silence. Ryan lingered in the shadows in the meantime, knowing he wasn't meant to intrude, not with how desperate hands were grasping for a hold.

They didn't ask Gavin to join them though, at least not as far as Ryan could tell. It was in their every movements, sure but not in their words.

To his surprise Gavin didn't join them as Ryan lead them towards the entrance, instead lingering back in the parlor. It left Ryan in yet another awkward situation, and he was really getting fed up with that.

All he could really do was keep his head up straight as the eyes burned into his back. It shouldn't unnerve him in the slightest, after all he was a God and those two just humans, but somehow things were different here.

When he finally opened the gate to let them go, he wasn't sure what he did expect, but it wasn't Geoff stopping before him and glaring at him as if that was a clever thing to do.

"He isn't happy," Geoff told him bluntly. "He's also not miserable, and you can be damn well glad that he isn't or I wouldn't know what I would do to you. But he isn't fucking happy either."

"Are you daring to threaten me?"

"I fucking dare! Because inside of this ominous castle is my son, and no matter how Gavin wanted to find pretty words for it, you're keeping him trapped in there. I can't just keep quiet about that!"

Geoff huffed angrily and for a moment Ryan wanted to strike him down on the spot. That's what he would do if humans would disrespect him like this, but he couldn't, right? Gavin would never forgive him, and so Ryan was left in a strange limbo.

"I do know now where Gavin got his tongue from," he finally said, because it was true. This sharp honesty was new to him and he didn't know how to deal with it.

"We just want to make sure that you will look out for him," Jack threw in before Geoff could follow up with something else. Obviously a very smart move on their part.

"We raised him for all these years, please understand our worry."

He laid a hand on Geoff's shoulder to hold him back and Ryan watched as the man deflated. Where Geoff was steered by his emotions, Jack was able to reel him back in with his calm presence.

Yeah, the more Ryan observed them, the more he could tell why they were chosen to raise a God.

"I have no intention to bring any harm to Gavin," he replied. "For now I just want him to stay here to finish off his training. I as a God am able to teach him things that you humans are just not capable off. It will greatly benefit him in his future as well as it will the whole world. Hurting him in any way would be counterproductive for everyone."

Did that defuse the situation? He wasn't all too sure.

Geoff just threw him another heated glare before turning away and stomping off. Meanwhile Jack looked at him with the same worried expression as before but did lower his head slightly.

"Thank you, Dark God. I guess that's all that I can ask from you."

Ryan didn't respond, he didn't know what to say in the first place, but he did wait to watch while both of them made their way back home. They were walking close together as if to support each other in those hard times, and Ryan felt a strange weight on his chest. Before it could fester he turned around to head back inside.

 

Gavin was still sitting in the parlor but Ryan could tell that something was off the moment he stepped inside. Even if all he could see was the other's back, it was clear by the way his glow wavered, barely more than a candle flame and seemingly lost in the huge room.

"Gavin?"

Ryan inched closer slowly, unsure about the situation. Gavin had been happy enough just a few minutes before, but now he had his feet up on the chair and his knees pressed against his chest. When he turned his head there were two bright trails of tears down his face and Ryan stopped in shock.

"What's wrong?" He couldn't be hurt, right? Not in this short time and even if so, he would heal quickly from it. No, his body was intact and that was the worst part. It meant that it was a different kind of pain that Ryan didn't know how to deal with.

"Was this my goodbye?" Gavin asked him. His voice was trembling and he didn't bother hiding his tears. "Will I never see them again?"

"Why do you believe that?"

"Because you said it. You said I have to stay here until my training is complete and that will take time."

Right, he had said that, and even worse, he had meant it. Those humans in the village had groomed Gavin to their liking and it would take time and space to unlearn that behaviour and to show him the big picture. Sending him back there would be a set back, just like today probably was, and in the end all those people would just be faces. An endless amount of faces that all appeared blank after enough time.

Even Geoff and Jack though? The ones who raised new Gods were special in their lives.

"Today wasn't as bad," he found himself saying. "Who knows maybe we can do it again some day."

Gavin watched him, but it didn't cheer him up. Instead he wrapped his new cloak around himself, the fabric so very soft and delicate, and still he buried his fingers into it, twisting it until it nearly gave.

"Even so," he went on, and now his voice was quiet enough that Ryan had to take another step towards him, "they will die. One day they will both grow old and die and leave me alone."

"That's how things are."

Gavin nodded once and then lifted one of his hands.

"All this power at the tip of my fingers. But what is it worth when I can't use it to help the people who are most important to me? If all that's left for them is sickness and death while I sit here and just continue to be?"

Ryan's hand hovered over Gavin's shoulder but he couldn’t find the courage to actually touch him. He wasn't good with any comforting gestures and right now Gavin appeared so weak that he didn't want to actually hurt him with his shadows.

"I can't give you a satisfying answer to that, I fear. It's one that you have to find yourself." He pulled another chair towards him and sat down to be able to talk more properly. "But I can tell you what I saw today. I saw two people who love you very much and who are eternally grateful for the chance to raise you. They wouldn't give that away for anything."

"I still can't save them. They will die in the end."

"How every living being will. Their bodies begin to grow old and allow their soul to pass on, but until then there's still time. Both Geoff and Jack have years ahead of them in which they will live. That's so much more important than their death, isn't that? The time before that?"

Gavin looked up and his tears still hadn't stopped. There was something so very desperate and young in his face that it squeezed Ryan's heart.

"What about me then? When they are gone what will I do?"

Ryan wanted to tell him that he wouldn't be alone, after all, they were finally reunited now, but that wasn't the right answer. So he took his time to think about it, because Gavin deserved that much at least, right? He was still watching him, so strangely vulnerable for someone with the power over light.

"You will shape this world," he finally settled on. "You will continue to make them proud. I am sure that they will watch over you even if it won't be in the same way as right now."

Gavin pondered over that for a while, sniffing occasionally before he nodded.

"Okay."

"Yeah?"

"I think so. There is still time before that, right?"

"Plenty of years," Ryan assured him, and was pleased as he noticed how Gavin appeared to glow a little brighter. He however hadn't expected Gavin to lean against his side, his face buried against his shoulder.

It was a surprisingly intimate gesture that he hadn't seen coming.

Gavin felt very warm against his cold skin, the feeling radiated from his very being, and it was a shock to Ryan's system. He just continued to watch quietly as tears dropped onto his clothes, leaving sparkling patches behind.

Was he expecting something from him? If so then Ryan wasn't sure what to do. He had used all his knowledge about comforting up and just sat kinda awkward there now, with the Solar Queen leaning heavily against him as if he was the only person left holding him up.

Maybe that was it because one day that might just be the case. One day after Geoff and Jack were gone... Even if Gavin found new humans on his journey in this world, but in the end only Ryan would remain.

So Ryan gently laid an arm around his shoulder in a silent assurance that yes, if that day would come he would be there. That was unusual for him, sure but he had never been in care of a new God before. He also had to remind himself that Gavin was so very young and not only that, he was also a God of Heart and experienced emotions to a different degree.

If it was comfort he needed that Ryan was willing to give it.

  
  



	4. God of Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I want to learn, Ryan. I really do. I think I'm ready now."

Chapter 4

God of Heart

 

Gavin found Ryan in the library the next day. Feeling a bit awkward, he lingered in the threshold and watched for a while.

Ryan was working. On a huge black desk a map was pinned down, and several books laid at his side. He was reading through something, an aura of concentration coming from him along with his shadows.

They didn't look as cold anymore, they were more familiar and Gavin didn't fear them. Sure, they were cold when he came in contact with them, but they stopped hurting. He was growing used to Ryan's presence and vice versa.

That’s what Ryan had told him yesterday while Gavin tried his best to put himself back together again. It was strange, he had been so very happy seeing Geoff and Jack again, but the moment the sun began to set and he knew that they had to leave soon, the distress had slammed into him. It was a goodbye and he wasn't ready for it. How could he be?

He had no idea when he would see them the next time or if at all. Time was growing different for him while he stayed here with Ryan.

Day and night were just words, and even though he felt the need to sleep during the night, he knew it was just out of habit. He still did so occasionally, but it wasn't needed. So days just blurred into each other, becoming weeks so easily. If he would truly start working alongside Ryan, he knew time would lose meaning.

He was scared that one day he would look out from his room in the tower and find the village gone, Geoff and Jack barely more than a memory that only he carried. It was scary and he was scared, and watching them go yesterday had hurt more than anything ever before. Without them he had the feeling that he was nothing, still a toddler cradled in a sunflower but so very alone. They had brought him inside and kept him warm, showed him fun and colors and right from wrong. Losing them was like losing a part of himself, and yesterday that fear had become a bit too much.

Ryan was right though, every living being had to pass on eventually, and that was alright. The important part came before that. And if the day would come Ryan would still be there. Ryan wasn't Geoff and wasn't Jack, but they would spent this eternity together. Gavin figured he could have it worse.

"How long have you already been standing there?" Ryan asked, ripping him out of his thoughts. Gavin plastered a smile onto his face and took a step closer.

"Not long. I didn't want to interrupt you." He threw a look to the map and Ryan had to have noticed, because he waved him closer.

"It's fine. I was meaning to show you this anyway."

"That's good." He stopped next to the other God and gathered his courage to touch him. Just a small brush of their hands, just to test if the shadows truly didn't hurt him anymore. They didn't.

"I want to learn, Ryan. I really do. I think I'm ready now."

Ryan looked down to their hands and then back up to him. For a moment he seemed stunned, then he started to smile. There was something strangely vulnerable about it but Gavin found he liked it.

"I'm very happy that you said that."

So they gathered around the map and Gavin didn't dare to touch it. The thing was huge, made out of thick paper, and he was sure he would be able to feel the lines if he ran his fingers over them. Nothing was faded, every mountain and every river of this world was clearly labeled even though he got the feeling that this map was insanely old.

"Have you ever seen a map of our world before coming here?" Ryan asked, and Gavin slowly shook his head.

"Not in such detail. Not like this."

"Of course not. There isn't another one like this out there." Ryan pointed towards an are in the south. "Do you know what's here?"

"A desert, the biggest in the world."

"Did you know that people live there?"

That made Gavin look up. "But... why?"

"That's humans for you. They settle everywhere in the world, even if it's nearly hot enough to burn their skin off their bones. Down there they live in caves deep beneath the earth where it's not as hot but water is still an issue." Ryan reached for one of the books on the table to pass it down to Gavin. "I was thinking for a while to introduce them to a new technique to preserve the little water they have better."

Gavin let his eyes travel over the page but there were too many information to grasp at once and he looked back down at the map.

"Is that my fault?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"This whole area has nothing but sun and heat. Did I cause this?"

"Oh, no you didn't," Ryan quickly assured him. "It has been like that way before your time here. It's how this world works. Even with all our powers there are things we can't change and rules we can't bend. With your power we might be able to influence the climate, but it's a very fragile balance."

"So helping those people here will have a backlash on others."

"Exactly. So I'm trying to help them with new inventions."

Gavin nodded and went back to the book in his hands. Ryan let him have the time to work through it and in the end he nodded slowly.

"I think I get it," he mumbled. "This will allow the people in the desert to harvest plants underground without wasting too much water. It won't be much at first, right? But later..." He turned the page to see more advanced forms of the technique, machinery that did exactly the same thing, just more efficiently.

Ryan hummed pleased and took the book from him.

"It will take them some time but it will improve their living conditions considerably. Do you think it will work?"

The question surprised him, after all Ryan was clearly more experienced than him but maybe it was a test of some sort. So Gavin took a deep breath and pondered over it for a while, of the pros and cons and the different routes it could take.

"It will," he finally settled. "But later when the machines are coming into play there might be a problem with the pollution in the caves."

"True but we can face that later. There are filters and one day we might be able to produce clean energy."

"Okay."

"Good. Now we come to a nearly as important decision as before. Who should we gift this idea to?"

A bit taken aback, Gavin stared up to him. How was he supposed to know? There were thousands of people in that area alone, if not more! He didn't know them!

Ryan had to notice his hesitation and carefully took his wrist.

"Let me show you their minds," he told him. "I can't see their souls as clearly as you, but that I can do." He pressed Gavin's hand down onto the map and Gavin slipped through.

At first all it was was overwhelming. He was thrown into a sea of thoughts, things that twirled around his head and didn't make any sense. Pictures of memories and awful things. Of a child walking, of a first kiss, and a dead body forgotten in an alley.

It felt like being in the middle of a whirlwind, and he was lost, never to be found again until Ryan's hand squeezed his wrist a little. That was all that he needed to find his balance, to be able to tell what was up and down. A steady point of contact that kept him from being washed away by so many shades of thoughts.

Now he could see sparks. Ideas that faded just as quick as they had appeared. Some shone brighter and seemed to linger. They were pretty with different colors and Gavin wanted to touch them.

With some he didn't dare. Some ideas were rotten and dangerous and awful. They were made out of violence and greed and wrath. Lust that tinted everything a crimson red and envy of such a dirty yellow that it hurt his eyes. No, he concentrated on the silver ideas, the ones that lingered like fireflies and flew around him. Bright and thoughtful and so many things at once.

Ryan pulled him back out, and being back inside a body suddenly felt eerie. Too heavy and claustrophobic to keep his own being in. It buckled underneath his presence alone, but Ryan held him up until his body got used to it again.

"Are you back with me?"

He was and when Gavin's eyes flew open he barely saw the library or anything else. No, there were still those ideas and thoughts around, too many to ever grasp and still-

"There is a scientist who has been working on a solution for years," he blabbered. "A woman who grew up right there and knows the hardships. She's trying so hard to find a way for her people. I think she deserves it the most."

In the corner of his eye he could see Ryan nod. The Dark God was still holding on to him, a guiding hand at the small of his back to keep him steady, and Gavin was grateful for that. He still felt a bit out of it, like his soul was settling into a body that was just too small for it. Either it would work or he would burst apart.

"I was thinking about her as well," Ryan told him and Gavin closed his eyes to just concentrate on his voice for now. "She has the needed knowledge and the right mindset for the task. Another thing to keep in mind, though, is a fallback plan."

"Another person?"

"Exactly. In case something unexpected happens to our scientist. We don't have the time to watch over her like a hawk."

"There was a little boy," Gavin said carefully. The minds of kids had been different, more colorful, and this one had somehow stood out to him. But... but maybe that was wrong. Giving such a young kid such responsibility, such a gift; wasn't it too early?

But Ryan nodded again.

"Sounds good to me."

"But-"

"The boy is clever and a hard worker. He will know to appreciate this gift," Ryan assured him. "You're worrying about his age, but that will pass soon enough. We have to look into the future, Gavin."

Opening his eyes, Gavin looked up to him. Right, time was a fragile thing and it sometimes felt like it was just slipping through his fingers. It would take years and a blink of an eye until the boy would be old enough. And if anything went according to plan their scientist would already be said and done by the time the boy was old enough.

"Okay," he said. Ryan's hand squeezed him once before he let him stand on his own and Gavin watched attentively how the other rolled the map up and started to clean the table.

"How are you giving them the ideas? Are you appearing in front of them?"

"Oh no, that would be too much work," Ryan told him. "I'll plant it in their dreams. It will develop there just like a plant and hatch when it's ready."

"Have you ever... granted an idea to the wrong person?"

Ryan hesitated and Gavin bit down on his bottom lip. It was a topic that couldn't be comfortable but something he had wanted to address for a while now.

"That's hard to say..." Ryan said after a moment of thought. "There have been instances in which I wondered if I'd made the wrong choice because of the actions the chosen person took next. The human mind is a complicated thing, and foreseeing every action it could take is impossible. But I came to the conclusion that I can never know what would've happened if I had chosen someone else. The conclusion might be better or worse, but that's nearly impossible to foresee. That's one of the reasons why I introduced the fall back person, though."

"What about the guns?" It came out nearly as a whisper, because Gavin still couldn't decide if he wanted to actually confront Ryan with it. He didn't even know why. It wasn't like he expected Ryan to lash at him, tell him off or yell at him. No, he had every right to ask and demand a question.

The introduction of guns had killed so many in the bloody war up north, more people than Gavin could even count, and it was still going. There was no sign yet that it was going to stop.

Again Ryan took a moment to collect his thoughts, this time bringing the books to a shelf before pointing to the comfy armchairs.

Gavin did walk over to sit down and waited.

"I introduced the guns to a lonely man up in the north," Ryan began. "You have never been there, right? Huge beasts roam that part of the world, they aren't all dangerous but most are and still the humans settled there. The winters up there are hard and many people starve or freeze every year. Gifting them guns is a way for them to defend themselves, a way to get easier access to food and coats. It's a huge success up there and life has found a better balance between humans and beasts."

"But the war," Gavin interjected, and Ryan nodded.

"I know what you mean, but Gavin, ideas are alive. Inventions, dreams and inspiration are living things that get shaped. For the people furthest north it is a way to survive and for now they treat it with the needed respect. The other countries don't need it for survival, but they did recognize the power behind those weapons. So they took them, and if humans gain something they get greedy."

"They realized they could use the weapons for their own gain and attacked the countries around them?"

"Exactly. They did have the upper hand for years now, but the other countries formed an alliance and have now also developed their own kind of weapons. It only made the war bloodier." Ryan raised his hand, pointing towards the rows upon rows of books in front if them.

"Every single invention in front of you can potentially be dangerous in the wrong pair of hands. Unfortunately even if we gift them to capable people, the invention will still travel. If it is over time or through stealing; often if the wrong kind of person wants something, they will get it. And then situations like this occur."

That made sense, at least Gavin believed so. He could see it with inventions like guns; they were too powerful even if they might be needed in some places; like the countries furthest north. But then he had to turn around to the map still rolled up on the table.

“Are you asking yourself how something like preserving water can turn bad?” Ryan asked with a small chuckle but Gavin just nodded. That was exactly what he had wondered about; after all it was so important and just good for the people there.

“Let's say the scientist developed the idea like we planned,” Ryan went on. “She might see an opportunity to make money. It would be a lot of money if she sells it right, but that would also mean that not everyone in need could afford it. If some people have it and others don’t it will end in greed again. People will fight and kill for it; it’s as easy as that.”

“That’s awful…” Gavin mumbled, but he understood. Living with humans even in the little village of his, he had met greed around every corner. People trying to one up each other to gift him things, to rise in his favor and how the smiles of some had turned sour if Gavin just dared to talk a few words more with their neighbour. He had never experienced a full blown fight over it but he knew it was possible that it had happened the moment he turned the corner.

When he had been young a lot of those people had visited the farm, showering him in gifts and an opportunity to touch him. He hadn’t liked that because the farm was just his and Jack’ and Geoff’s, so they had sent them all away. He could remember that for the following weeks Geoff and Jack had a lot of fights with the locals, how people had screamed they would just keep Gavin for themselves to benefit from his powers.

That was stupid, they just wanted to be in peace, and even though Gavin had tried to tell them that, nobody had listened. No, in that moment his thoughts hadn’t been important because it hadn’t been something that the people wanted to hear.

They were strange like that.

Ryan was watching him closely and seemed to be able to pinpoint exactly what he was thinking.

“Human always want more,” he explained to him. “Even when it’s not good for them or others. And if you don’t deliver you are evil. If you however do and they will have to learn the lessons you are vengeful. One day the people will ask you for eternal sunshine because rain makes work dangerous, winter is too cold and the night too long.”

“It would burn up this world.”

“Exactly but they don’t want to face that. They want what’s most convenient for them in that moment.”

Ryan’s hand lingered in the space between them but Gavin stayed relaxed. He wasn’t scared of the touch anymore because he had grown stronger and it didn’t hurt anymore. No, he was nearly craving it like back on his birthday.

So even when Ryan’s hand settled on his arm, he didn’t pull back.

“This will be a lesson that you will have to learn Gavin. And it won’t be an easy one. Being a God that is looking at the big picture means you will fall in grace for many people but I believe it is the right way.”

"That sounds hard..." Gavin admitted. He could already feel the invisible weight on his shoulders, how it pushed down and threaten to become too much. He wasn't used being disliked or even hated. Everyone had always adored him, but slowly he began to see what Ryan was talking about.

Of course they loved him because he had always served them everything they needed.

He had created a little paradise in the village with sunshine all year and fields that grew at rapid pace with just a touch from him. And what had the village done? Oh, it had prospered. It had prospered by selling the things he had grown and then closed its gate to keep their little God for themselves.

In the end they had realized the only danger would come from the war up north and the Dark God himself; so they had sent Gavin out to deal with it and if everything had gone according to plan? Oh, Gavin would've returned victorious and they would've celebrated him. After that things would've turned back to before and he would serve them for years to come.

Just to help prospere this one place and turn a blind eye to everything else.

What would happen now that he had agreed to learn from Ryan? If he wouldn't return to grow their fields and heal their cattle? Would they hate him? The very people who he had danced with and he had met every day?

Maybe he was already a traitor to them.

But... but this was the right path, wasn't it? Ryan's hand on his arm didn't hurt anymore because as much as they were opposites, they were still supposed to work together. This was their world and Ryan was right, they had to see the big picture here.

He couldn't just concentrate on this own village; it wouldn't be right.

"I know it's hard," Ryan told him softly. "I know it's scary, but you were born a God, Gavin. You were chosen not only because you were special, but because you are capable. You will bring the sun to this world. That's why you're here."

"Alright," Gavin whispered. He wanted to believe Ryan, he really did, but right now it sounded like too much. What if one of his decisions would throw countries in such a bloody war as the one up north? He wasn't sure if he could take it, but he had to deal with it. His decisions wouldn't all be perfect and they wouldn't benefit everyone.

So he pulled his legs up to hug them against his chest to keep himself together, and he knew he could talk to Ryan about this, that Ryan would know best, but he wasn't that far yet.

No, he wanted to sit down with Geoff and Jack because they had known him longer and would know the words he needed to hear. But they weren’t here and they wouldn’t be around forever so Gavin was better off just sucking it up and getting ready to move on.

Taking a deep breath he looked up at Ryan and managed a shaky smile.

“You’ll help me, right?” He had asked that before and already knew the answer, but it would be nice to hear it again.

“Of course.”

 

~+~

 

Healing the burned up earth of the garden took longer than expected, but Gavin made sure to take some time for it each day. After all, it was his fault that the garden was in this state, and Gavin loved plants and the feel of warm earth between his fingers. It had something calming, a feeling of home and childhood, and he always remembered sitting in the dirt with Jack in the bright morning sun. Back then he had cupped his hands over a single little flower and they had both watched it grow rapidly, healthy and with bright colors and Gavin had been so proud of himself. Even more so when Jack had been so impressed by his powers.

There had been something sad in the air back then, but Gavin had been too young to pick up on it but now he got it. While he was discovering his powers, Jack had already known what it would mean for the future. That one day they would have to part and Gavin would be forced to stand on his own feet and carry the burden.

The day had come now and while Gavin sat in the garden of the Dark God he also felt strangely lonely. It made the grass grow around him and vines entwine with his hands. It was meant to be a comforting gesture by nature, but it wasn’t until one of Ryan’s messengers cawed next to him that he snapped out of it.

“Hey Carl,” Gavin greeted him with a smile. It was easy to distinguish him from the other birds because of the single golden feather on his neck. 

Shaking the lethargy from him, Gavin got up. Carl quickly fluttered closer in expectation of petting and Gavin didn’t disappoint him before walking further into the garden. Nestled into the back, where the sun shone the longest, a couple of sunflowers grew.

They were small for now, the blossoms not bigger than his hand, and Gavin knew that they’d have a hard time in this place. But they still tried and he would as well.

Sitting down there, Gavin began to pick them one after another without much thinking and began his work. The flowers weren't big enough to replicate his crown and he didn't want them to. Even if he was able to create a similar crown to the one Jack had made him, he still wouldn't do it.

The only crown he would expect was Jack's, because Jack had crowned him first and Gavin didn't want anything else. No crown made out of pure gold or done with diamonds. Not even Ryan's pretty crystal one that he had destroyed. Just Jack's that he did with the flowers from the farm.

By the time Ryan found him in the garden, Gavin was nearly done, but he didn't hurry up. No, flowers needed patience and care and, when Ryan lingered awkwardly around him, he just gestured for him to sit down.

It was a bit funny to see the Dark God sitting on the grass crosslegged. He didn't seem to fit into the picture of the garden and he was aware of that by the way he looked around. But there was no one around besides Gavin who was watching them and so he relaxed slightly.

"I never watched someone braid flowers together. I only ever saw the finished product," he told him and Gavin had to huff.

"You're the God of knowledge. This shouldn't be that much of a surprised to you."

"There are some things that humans figure out on their own," Ryan said. He didn't seem to take offense, but rather sounded amused. "Also, it's one thing to know the theory of something and another to see it actually happening."

"I guess." Looking up from his flowers, Gavin stretched his hand out. "Give me your hand."

"My hand?"

"Just do it."

He didn't wait for Ryan to move and just reached out to grasp the other's arm. He wrapped his strings of flowers around his wrist and hummed happily as it fit perfectly. With swift fingers he tied the end together and then leaned back.

"There you go!"

"It's for me?"

"Well of course! It's a flower bracelet!" Gavin was kind of proud of it. He had watched Jack at work so often and he had to admit that his own try wasn't half bad. Certainly not as perfect and symmetrical as Jack's, but pretty darn good.

Ryan turned his arm this way and that as if he had to look at the bracelet in a different light before looking back at Gavin. Somehow he appeared helpless about something so small and Gavin had to keep from snorting.

"What am I supposed to do with that?"

"Nothing. It's just a cheeky little gift."

"Well... thank you then." But Ryan still seemed troubled and finally he touched the flowers carefully. Their little petals turned away from his fingers and quickly Ryan let go.

"They'll wither and die," he said. "Don't let it be a waste. It would suit you better anyway."

But Gavin didn't take the bracelet, he just reached out himself to touch it. Instantly the petals got their color back.

"I'll keep them alive," he assured him and grinned up to Ryan. "Sorry if it's not quite your aesthetic, but a little bit of color does suit you. Please keep it?"

Ryan was watching him now, a thoughtful expression on his face. Gavin wasn't quite sure why, it wasn't that big of a deal, something that a lot of kids in the village did, but Ryan probably didn't know much about that. That was fine though, it was always the most fun to introduce someone to something new. Also he had never really done this with someone else.

Sure, he had been showered in flower bracelets and crowns and everything and at one point he had tried to keep up and return the favor, but it was simply impossible. So he had just threw them all away because all the gifts dared to take over his room and as pretty as the flowers were, the sheer amount of them was too much.

Now though, he had made one for Ryan and felt strangely pleased by that.

"I took your hair clip on your birthday. Do you remember?" Ryan said, and Gavin wanted to roll his eyes. Of course he remembered. The moment was burned into his mind.

"The flower on it died shortly after I brought it here," Ryan went on, "I wanted to lock the clip away somewhere safe, but it wouldn't work. Flowers die here."

"Not anymore."

Ryan gave a thoughtful hum and his eyes darted back to the bracelet. He touched it again, turning it around his wrist and even though it visibly took some life from the flower, they didn't wilt. Not yet.

"Why did you come to the village back then?" Gavin asked.

"Why? Because I wanted to meet you," Ryan huffed. "I could feel you so close by since the day you were born, but I wanted to grant you the childhood you deserved. We only get the opportunity once so I waited until you came for me but..." He trailed off, and Gavin couldn't help but smile himself. The words felt warm in his heart because he knew what Ryan wanted to say.

"I was very glad that you came to see me," he told him. "I wanted to meet you for so long, but everyone was telling me such bad things about you. I didn't believe them though! Really! All those things just made me want to meet you even more."

"We're naturally drawn to each other."

Gavin groaned. "That sounds so clinical, Ryan! I was just super curious! There was only one other God out there and I wanted to meet them. I had so many questions about everything; my powers and how it was for you to be so... different from everyone else. The gifts we could give the humans around... I don't know... but seeing you back then somehow settled something in me. Just to know that you were real and out there, waiting, felt reassuring."

Ryan chuckled and folded his hands in his lap. “Honestly I just wanted to put a face to the power I felt, so I guess I was also curious.”

“So the dancing part was only a plus?”

“Well it is tradition on your birthday, isn’t it?”

“Not the kind we did,” Gavin chuckled and if he wasn’t wrong he could see the hint of a blush on Ryan’s face. It made him smile only wider and before he could think about it, he was on his feet, holding his hands out.

"Let's do it again!"

"What?"

"Dance! It was fun, wasn't it?"

Ryan stared up to him as if lightning had struck him and laughing, Gavin bent down to tug on his arms.

"Come on, Rye! I could show you how the dance actually went with all the twisting and turning and clapping. It's quite cheerful but hard on the feet after a couple times."

"No, Gav-"

"Please? Dancing is fun!" He tugged harder and finally Ryan began to get up. Gavin still didn't let go though, because he was pretty sure the other would just run away if he got the chance.

"I'm not a good dancer," Ryan stuttered.

"You weren't half bad."

"But I don't know any dances with... twisting and clapping and what not!"

"I can teach you. It's super easy, even small children can do it!" He took Ryan's hands in his to start and turn the both of them around, but Ryan wasn't moving. He looked petrified and more helpless than Gavin had ever seen him. Considering that he was a God it was pretty damn funny and Gavin couldn't help but snort.

Even though the situation greatly amused him, he did let go of his hands because he didn't want to make Ryan uncomfortable. It was a shame truly, because he wouldn't have minded dancing with Ryan again. The last time was such an important memory to him, and if he was honest he wanted to relive it a little bit, this time while knowing who the other was and without the threat of being found by someone. No, this time they would have time and out here in the garden nobody would see.

Maybe that was it, to create a new memory with just the two of them, and if Gavin was honest he wanted to be close to Ryan. He wanted to touch him if only for the thrill of it. In his mind that was still dangerous even though he was used to it by now.

Ryan caught his wrists and Gavin hesitated.

"I want to dance with you again," Ryan said, and his eyes were so very blue. They were watching Gavin with the spark of intelligence that humans feared but Gavin admired. How could he not? After all he had seen the library and all the treasures in there.

"But I don't want to dance with you the same way all those others did."

Gavin felt his face blush bright red, but couldn't help but be excited by it. Yeah, that was even better, a dance just shared between the two of them, and all he could do was nod.

So Ryan moved his arms around his neck before letting his own drop on Gavin's hip. For a moment they just stood there like that, a little too close and with neither of them taking the first step.

"There's no music," Gavin remarked, and Ryan just huffed.

"You didn't seem to mind it just a second ago. After all you were the one who brought dancing up."

"I didn't think this far ahead." But he would make do, and with one last breath, he took a dangerous step forward.

Now they were closer than back then but he didn't mind. Ryan's presence was pressing against him, the darkness and all that it brought with it. A curious power that Gavin maybe never truly would grasp but he would try his best to assist it in the way only he could. That's why he had been born after all, to be the opposite of the Dark God. Not to fight him, but to compliment him, to form a team with him.

"I wanted to dance with you because I treasure the memory of the last time so much," he blurted out. He didn't like being so honest. It made him feel open and vulnerable, something he didn't quite dare to be around the village when all eyes were on him. Right now only Ryan's eyes were on him, but that just made him say those things.

Ryan had to know who he was, because otherwise they wouldn't work out. Gavin was also ready to take Ryan the way he was because that's what he was supposed to do. Because he wanted it from the bottom of his heart.

So he leaned his head against the other's shoulder and closed his eyes.

"I'll stain you," Ryan said, his hands like feathers on Gavin's hip.

"I don't mind." He started to sway a little, but it was hard without any music. He felt a bit awkward about it, but at least Ryan joined in.

"I also treasure the memory of your birthday very much," Ryan whispered. It wasn't needed to speak any louder, not with how close they were. "I can't think of a memory in the past centuries that I hold dearer. Maybe even in this whole world itself. All I wanted was to catch a glimpse of you but as I saw you all dressed up and lonely... I knew I had to approach you."

"I'm glad you did. Did you know that I went to that same place every year after that, waiting for you?"

"I saw you."

Gavin frowned and let his eyes drift open. He watched the widespread garden without really seeing. Ryan's clothes were smooth and cold against his cheek and he allowed his fingers to leave golden streaks on the collar of Ryan's cloak.

"Why didn't you come?"

“It was your place to be, not mine. Also I wanted the next time we meet to be official with you looking for me."

Well, that had worked out but Gavin couldn't help but pull a face. How long Ryan had waited for him to come to his castle and when he finally did, it was to challenge him. Oh, how the humans had covered his eyes to think that he had to defeat Ryan and lock him up until he would do what they wanted him to!

And in some way it had already worked out because they had locked Gavin up as well until he did what they wanted him to. Until he fought their battles against the other God who was meant to be at his side.

No, he couldn't imagine what Ryan had thought back then and how much it had hurt.

"Sorry," Gavin mumbled as he nuzzled closer to Ryan. By now they had stopped their small attempt at dancing without music and were only holding on to each other.

"What are you apologizing for?"

"For facing you in such a wrong way back then because no matter what the Elders told me I should've went with my gut. Deep inside I knew I wanted to see you and talk to you, that my place was by your side but it was so hard to listen to myself when all I've ever did was listen to others."

Ryan chuckled and Gavin was a bit glad for that. He hated the thought that the other would hold a grudge because of it.

"It was a lesson you learned," Ryan said.

"I guess... also sorry about being so hard on you in the beginning."

"That I think is rather a lesson I learned. Your vocabulary is quite colorful, Gavin."

Now Gavin had to chuckle and couldn't help but wish for an opportunity to lock Geoff and Ryan into one room for an extended period of time. That would turn out entertaining.

"But I guess locking up the sun wasn't a well thought plan as well," Ryan admitted and let go of Gavin to take a step back. Reluctantly Gavin let him and lifted his head to look at him.

"You are meant to be free. Keeping you in this castle against your will was wrong," Ryan told him, earnestly.

For a moment Gavin didn't know what to say to that. Of course he agreed, being held like a prisoner sucked, but it wasn't like he didn't somewhat understand Ryan. Gavin wasn't sure what would have happened if Ryan hadn't forced him to stay here. Surely he would've just returned to the village to lick his wounds after finding out how much more powerful the other God was. At one point he would go back to this castle surely, maybe after training more or after finally making up his mind about the other God and hopefully they would've sat down to talk properly.

But how could Gavin be sure? What if this would've ended in a full blown fight between them? What if upon returning he was as powerful as the Dark God and they threw the world into a bloody war between them?

In some of the books in the library Gavin had read about instances like that. How in other worlds Gods saw it as a sport of some sort, how they would let their supporters battle each other until only one part was left standing.

How useless.

"It's okay," he said, but Ryan was already shaking his head.

"It's not. Not really. You are a God as well and I didn't show you enough respect. So from now on... I will keep the gates to the castle open and you are free to leave whenever you want to."

Gavin stared up to him. That was... all he had wished for since being here. To be able to go outside, to not be a prisoner anymore. He could visit Geoff and Jack whenever he wanted! He could maybe even continue to live there and come here for his training!

Back home, sleeping in his own bed and smelling the freshly baked bread when he woke up. Where the wind brushing through the wheats was a welcoming background noise. It wasn't like here where everything was perfectly quiet when none of them moved around.

Stepping forward, he crossed the distance Ryan had put between them to meet him in a fierce hug.

"Thank you," he whispered and meant it with every fibre of his heart. To be able to feel the sun on his skin again, to walk over endless fields without any dark walls around. Freedom.

Ryan pressed him against him but it was weak, his hands more like claws at his back that couldn't decide to pull closer or to push away. Surely that had been a difficult decision for him as well but Gavin didn't have the time to ponder over it right now.

He could go back to the little farm and his heart yearned for it.

"I was thinking of visiting Geoff and Jack," he blabbered once he let go of Ryan. "I could bring some stuff with me for your castle and Jack would have time to make a new crown for me. Oh Ryan, I'm so happy!"

Ryan didn't answer but forced himself to smile. It was an awful smile, fake and without any strength in it, and not even his eyes dared to meet Gavin.

Gavin did notice that but his mind was still running at the possibilities. Maybe he could even get Ryan to come along, to show him the village, but that was probably a bad idea. With how hostile the Elders had been towards the Dark God, it might turn out wrong. If they'd tried to attack and capture the Dark God, Ryan surely wouldn't hold back and would punish them.

It was his right to demand respect as a God, but Gavin would prefer not seeing it happen. The thought alone left him with a sick feeling in his stomach but he pushed it away as well. No, right now he wanted to be happy about this development. Happy about the opportunity to be free for once and everything else would have to come after.

 

~+~

 

Ryan wasn't sure why he had allowed Gavin the freedom. Because it was the right thing to do? Yeah, that had to be it. He wasn't stupid, quite the opposite and he had seen the change in the Solar Queen. How his glow had faded to a soft glimmer in these dark walls and the orbs coming from him were pale in comparison to before.

It already changed just with Ryan's words and he tried to hold on to that picture. How Gavin's eyes had lit up, how he had beamed and hugged him.

He wished that he had never given permission.

All those things didn't mean a thing to him. Gavin was already preparing to leave him just a day later, no, even earlier that idea had nestled in his mind. The moment Ryan had said it Gavin had already made plans to go away, to get away from him.

Of course that was reasonable. Ryan had locked him up against his will and now with his freedom Gavin was allowed to go wherever. Surely he didn't want to stay in his prison.

But Gavin had said he wanted to learn and he had been so eager. Ryan couldn't even count how often he had found him in the library, a new book in his hands and a dozen ideas in his head. Still a bit naive but they were getting there.

Yes, with the right guidance the Solar Queen could grow to incredible power but that wasn't what Gavin wanted, right? Gavin wanted his home back, the people that made his family and that was fine. Gavin wanted to be happy and Ryan shouldn't be the one stopping him.

His happiness clearly wasn't in this dark place and not here together with Ryan. They would work together eventually and maybe Gavin would come back from time to time to learn and train and prepare to take on his role as a God. In between he would live with Geoff and Jack and in that village. The village with all those mean voices and people who wanted Gavin for his powers and nothing more. The village that had once before brought Gavin to face Ryan as if he was a common enemy. As if they weren't two pieces of a whole.

Surely Gavin wouldn't fall for that again, Ryan didn't think so because Gavin was smart. By now he had surely understood their roles in this world and even if the villagers would try, it wouldn't change a thing.

Right?

Oh, Ryan's mind could be treacherous at times like these, because to some degree he could imagine each scenario that could happen and it didn't help as he stood in the archway leading to his castle.

Gavin had stepped outside and in the sunlight he looked as divine as back on that fateful day they had first met. He was clutching his cloak tightly, but even though he seemed nervous it couldn't hide how excited he was. Excited to get away from this place and Ryan.

"I'll be back," Gavin assured him because of course he would, because it was common courtesy to say that. "I just want to catch up with them and make sure everything's alright and... you know, talk with them. A ton of things are happening and I want to discuss them with them."

As if he couldn't talk to Ryan. Who could understand him better than him? He had been through the shift to become a God himself and knew how hard it could be. Gavin could just sit down with him and Ryan would be able to guide him through it.

"Take your time," he said instead of all that, because to some point he understood. Gavin loved Geoff and Jack and he was closer to them than to Ryan. It was natural.

"Should I bring you something? Some of Jack's bread maybe? You did like it last time!" And he looked so young and hopeful saying that, begging for Ryan to agree with him.

Ryan didn't want to agree with him, if only for bitter and petty reasons so he swallowed them down.

"You know I don't need anything, so I don't want you or anyone to go out of your way to prepare something for me."

"I'm sure Jack wouldn't mind."

No, probably not but that was hardly the point.

They fell into an awkward silence and he watched how Gavin was fidgeting around with his cloak. Back in the garden when Gavin had asked to dance with him again, Ryan had left dark patches all over it from being too close. Gavin had assured him that he wouldn't mind and Ryan had relished in the fact. It was something primal to mark someone else as his and he didn't like primal things. Still, seeing that Gavin had left his marks on him too he hadn't minded at all.

That had been yesterday, and by now the marks on both of them were long gone. Without the close contact they just faded as quickly as they came, and Ryan wasn't quite sure why that made his throat tight.

"Go now," he finally said to save them from this moment. "You don't want to reach the village at nightfall, do you?"

"You're probably right." But instead of turning around, Gavin stepped up and for a moment Ryan expected another embrace. It made his heart actually skip a beat because that wasn't common, certainly not among Gods, but Gavin didn't appear to mind. It was partly how he was raised and his role as a God of Heart, but it was a pleasant thing.

Instead Gavin just reached for Ryan's new bracelet.

"Look after it for me," he told Ryan as he breathed new life into the flowers. "They are the first that grew in the garden so they're special, alright?"

Ryan could only nod and he noticed how Gavin's smile fell a little at that. The Solar Queen let go of him and took a step back.

"I'll be off then."

"Yeah."

"We'll see each other soon."

"Sure." He didn't believe it, not for one second. This wasn't a goodbye forever, but a goodbye nonetheless and they both knew it. It was in the awkward way Gavin turned around and started ahead, making sure not to turn back around. It was in the way Ryan forced himself to walk back inside even though he wanted nothing more than to keep on standing there, watching Gavin to make sure he was alright and was finding the right way. That was ridiculous in the first place, Gavin wasn't stupid and would easily find his way home. Worrying was useless if nothing could truly hurt him.

So Ryan turned away because it was the most logical decision. He turned around because he didn't know what he would do or feel if Gavin did look back at him.

Maybe Gavin had expected him to stop him or at least tell him that right now wasn't the best of times, but he hadn't because deep inside he knew what he said was true. Gavin wasn't a prisoner and he was free to go when- and wherever.

 

The castle was quiet without Gavin even though that sounded wrong. Gavin had just been another voice and as bright as it had been, it certainly wasn't enough to fill a whole castle. Why did it feel like this though?

Ryan couldn't truly explain it, but standing in his own home felt awfully lonely. Ridiculous when he thought about that Gavin hadn't joined him for more than a handful of weeks and he had spent here years alone. Before he had enjoyed the silence and he still did, he just wished he had someone to share it with.

But he didn’t right now, and so he focused on the same thing as before the Solar Queen had been born. Locked away in his library there was way too much work to do and decisions to make. He didn't want to make any really important ones without Gavin but got the feeling that maybe he couldn't stop it from happening over time.

As for now he just concentrated on bringing his plans and thoughts in order. Or at least he tried to because his mind wouldn't stop running in a direction he didn't enjoy.

How long would Gavin be gone? How many weeks or months until he felt ready to return to the place that had been his prison before? Certainly that wasn't a welcoming thought!

Still, it shouldn't really worry Ryan. After all those years waiting for the Solar Queen to come for him, what would a couple more really mean? Apparently a lot because it hurt. If he was truly honest, it did hurt.

Gavin had finally come to him and Ryan had screwed up. Had screwed up so badly that at the first chance he got Gavin had run away and left him with nothing more than a promise and a bracelets with wilting flowers.

The flowers were another thing because, Gavin had asked him to look after them, but how was that supposed to work out? Flowers died quickly in the stillness of the library and this close to his own darkness. Oh but his own dark thoughts didn't help the matter.

He could see them and feel them, how they poured from him in dark fog that settled on the ground. It always happened when he was overthinking things, when he was pondering over a problem and that was exactly what he was doing right now.

It wasn't healthy and he had stopped with it centuries ago. It showed insecurities of a young God and he should be way past it. But here they were, killing the very flowers Gavin had gifted to him and Ryan pretended not to care. It hurt looking at the bracelet in a strange raw way that he wasn't familiar with, but he never put it down.

It wouldn't help much anyway because Gavin's presence lingered in the halls of the castle.

Gavin had left golden sparks everywhere, had stained things that Ryan probably should fix. In the beginning he had done so out of defiance, but it had later turned into a strange form of game. A game he could so easily win now but he made no move to erase Gavin from this castle.

No, not yet.

The orbs were another thing. They had gathered in corners and the ceiling, left behind when Gavin moved too enthusiastically and giving everything a warm glow.

Whenever Ryan had to rest his eyes from researching, he watched them orbiting around each other, but that also meant noticing how they died. At first they would lose their light little by little and then some would vanish.

One day Ryan looked up and couldn't find any around the library anymore. Considering that this was the room Gavin had spent the most time in before it probably meant that no other orbs were around the castle anymore.

That left him with such a heavy sadness that for a few minutes Ryan could do nothing but watch the empty corners before chiding himself and turning back to his books.

He could watch Gavin out of the shadows and it would be easy, but he never liked doing that. Least of all to another God. Even in the beginning he had never watched Gavin as closely as he could, just made sure once in a while that the Solar Queen was alright, so he wouldn't start now.

No, Gavin was powerful enough to not be in danger and whatever voices were whispering to him in the village he would decide himself if he wanted to listen to them or not. 

It was out of Ryan’s hands.

So he tried to shove all those spinning thoughts to the back of his head where they could run themselves tired. It wasn't productive in any way to focus on them, and as much as Gavin running away had hurt, he had a whole world to worry over.

Ryan tried not to let it influence his work but that was a laughable thought. Not for the first time he wondered why Gods were created like this. Born between their creations and raised to feel emotions, to make mistakes. If they were all simply emotionless and could decide analytically many things would be easier.

Now he was hunched over his map with a book about weaponry in his hand and concentrated on the war up north. Gavin had been so worried about it, but if he was honest it was far from being the only or worst conflict in this world. It was inevitable that humans clashed over the stupidest things and took it to the extreme and usually Ryan didn't bat an eye at it. There were more important problems out there, things like drought and fires and impending earthquakes.

But for Gavin that had been the first conflict he had come in contact with, the first true violence he had heard of during his sheltered life, and now as Ryan closed his eyes and looked into the hearts and minds of the people there, he could already tell that it would be long. A long, drawn out fight with no real winners in the end. Bloody, oh of course. Most wars with humans were and they seemed to truly relish in that.

It would shape the world up north, make the earth sour and the trees rare. Even the water would be tainted and lead to further problems down the stream, in other countries and kingdoms that watched from the sidelines. Full of anticipation and a bit of fear until they could see a clear winner.

That would take years, and the easiest way to end it would be to shift the war into one's favor.

If Ryan gave one of the countries a weapon strong enough to defeat the enemies, the war would be over in less than a year. Sure, it would mean heavy losses for one side, but in the grand scheme of things it would be less then if he would let the war play out. The damage towards nature would also be minimal.

Yeah, it was probably a wise choice and now he only had to decide on who to grant this weapon to. He honestly didn't care who won, if at all he could flip a coin for it. Or grant both countries the gift and see who would develop it further, which would at least be somewhat fun.

"Ryan?"

It was always jarring to tear himself from a thousand minds just to settle back into his own. It felt like a prison, like he had to contain himself to fit but now he didn't care. Without waiting to adjust he opened his eyes to find himself back in the library and turned around. He had to steady himself on the table as his body was surprised by the sudden movement but behind him stood Gavin.

The Solar Queen was glowing, brighter than ever before, or maybe his eyes were too used now to the darkness of the library, and how long has he been locked up in here?

How many weeks was he in here, because Gavin was already back! It didn't feel too long but time had always been strange for him. It wouldn't be the first time he had locked himself away in the library for days on end and lost all sense of time.

"You were working, sorry," Gavin went on as if he didn't just appear there out of thin air. His cloak glowing like a wandering star. "The gate was open so I just walked in but I didn't want to disturb you. If you are busy I ca-"

Ryan strode towards him without thinking about it. Always pulled in by his presence and even now all his willpower couldn't stop him from embracing him.

Gavin gave a surprised little noise but oh, he was so warm. So very warm against Ryan's cold body, and he wrapped his arms securely around the other's thin frame and buried his face in the crook of his neck.

He was real, that was the first thing he realized. This really was Gavin and not a trick of his mind or an illusion caused by either of them. No, Gavin had come back already and had to stand on the tip of his toes by the way Ryan was pressing him against himself.

But the Solar Queen was laughing now as the first shock was over, his hands flying up to steady himself, one warm point of contact between the blades of Ryan's shoulder and slender fingers running through his hair.

"I missed you too," he said, just like that. As if he had no idea what those words meant.

Ryan let go of Gavin but who was he kidding? He couldn't keep his hands to himself even for a minute and just like that they were back, cupping the other's face.

Gods, he had forgotten how warm the tan skin felt and how bright those green eyes were. Before he could catch another thought, he pulled Gavin in and crashed their lips together.

It forced another surprised noise out of Gavin and Ryan already tried to let go because it hurt. Gavin's heat burned straight into his skull but then hands wrapped around his wrists and kept them right where they were.

Gavin surged forward, standing on his toes and putting his whole weight against Ryan until they were standing there, pressed together. It wasn't innocent or lovely or anything how Ryan had expected it, but hungry. There was a hunger coming from Gavin that he hadn't expected. It made the Solar Queen push harder, deepening the kiss until Ryan finally found the strength to push him away.

Gavin's breath came out in a haze and Ryan quickly let him go, horrified to see that his skin was pale and bluish where he had touched him. Not that Gavin seemed to mind because the next thing he did was chuckle.

"Sorry," Ryan brought out and took a step back, unaware that his own wrists were burned, his sleeves singed.

"It's fine," Gavin just said as he rubbed the numbness out of his cheeks. "I should be sorry about your hair."

"What?"

"Well, I touched it and kinda colored it in some places and it looks super stupid."

"That's no-" Ryan stopped himself and cleared his throat as he noticed how high his voice was going. "No, Gavin... I am sorry in case I overstepped our boundaries."

"Like I said, nothing to be sorry about." He put a hand on Ryan's chest, feverishly hot, and Ryan hadn't even noticed how frantically his heart was beating. It wasn't just because of the kiss, no, it was also from the shadow he could see in Gavin's eyes. The dark spark of curiosity he had also noticed back on his birthday.

"Not how I expected our reunion to go," Gavin told him and let his hand fall back. "Maybe I should stay away longer than two weeks next time."

Two weeks then? That was so much shorter than Ryan had expected and still horrifying. To think that during that time all he had done was sit here, thinking in circles. Fuck, Gavin could've just walked in here because he had never bothered closing the gate after he turned around that day. He hadn't even thought about it.

Now Gavin was back, still rubbing his numb face, and Ryan felt himself flush with embarrassment.

He hadn't meant to kiss Gavin, he hadn't even allowed himself to think about that possibility before, but in that moment his body had moved on its own. He had been just so relieved to see the other again, to know that Gavin had returned to him on his own account. It was what he had wished for but that didn't mean that he had also expected it.

"Were you that lonely?" Gavin asked, and Ryan hesitated. Was that the reason? That strange feeling in his chest as if it was squeezed too tightly?

"I was lonely before." Because he had been. Centuries after centuries. What were two weeks in comparison to that?

Gavin was watching him now, the dark glint in his eyes gone as he bent down. He picked up a bag that Ryan hadn't noticed before.

"All my life I've been fussed over and was super fed up with it," Gavin said. "But after coming here I can't say that a part of me hadn't missed it. Our time together changed things. You should have said something."

How was he supposed to do that when he hadn't even realized it himself? Ryan was too scared to ask and only when Gavin's serious expression broke into a smile did the grip around his chest ease.

"Anyway, I brought presents!"

"Presents?"

"Yeah, from the people of the village!"

The very same people who had badmouthed him and certainly begged Gavin not to go back.

"It's mostly the same things that they used to give me," Gavin went on as he placed the bag on the table and opened it. "So straw dolls and fruits and stuff. The fruits are bloody good, but I nearly ate all of them so you better hurry up if you want some. Jack also baked some bread, but I ate it on the way. It's kinda stupid how hungry I was for someone who doesn't need to eat!" He pulled a small wooden box and showed it to Ryan.

"Most importantly I brought tea! When I told Clive that I needed tea to introduce the Dark God to, he went out and collected as many different kinds as he could in the time he had!"

Ryan stepped closer with some hesitation, but didn't dare to touch any of the things that Gavin piled on the desk. It was clear that the people of the village just gave him this to get on his good side, the same way they had done with Gavin all those years.

He wouldn't be fooled by that, but it still hurt somehow. To think that those people were so scared by him or hated him enough to try so hard and bribe him.

"You're thinking too much," Gavin interrupted him. He placed the box of tea down to grasp Ryan's hand in his. "It's what you always do, Ryan, and I know that it's a part of you, but not right now, okay? Just be happy about the gifts you received, alright?"

"You know why they gave you that," Ryan said, but Gavin just squeezed his hand.

"Of course I do but overthinking this will just hurt yourself. Look," He lifted Ryan's hand and at first Ryan wasn't sure what to look at. Then he noticed the black and withered flowers around his wrist. He hadn't even noticed when Gavin's sunflowers had died but at some point he had to crystalized them. Now Gavin was thumbing at their dead, unmoving petals and frowned.

"That's what I feared would happen, but I can fix it."

A glow broke from Gavin's fingers to engulf Ryan's hand. It was warm, not as searing as his touch before and for the first time Ryan noticed his singed sleeves.

Oh, what power laid in the Solar Queen. Not only the power of life but also destruction, and Ryan had seen both sides by now. This light could blind people, burn their eyes out if they so much as glanced at it, but when Gavin lifted his hands again, the sunflowers were back. Sunny yellow and a deep green stem. Beautiful by nature.

  
  



	5. Equinox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I guess even with all our power not even we can truly decide our upbringing," Gavin mumbled. "There is a power greater than us and it decides for us."
> 
> "Faith. Destiny. I heard many names for it," Ryan said. "Whatever it is, it brought us here."

Chapter 5

Equinox

 

Gavin ate the fruits by himself. Ryan did try them but pulled a face at the taste, making him kinda look like a spoiled child. As if to drive that point home, he did devour the sweets Gavin had brought in record time.

Gavin kept a secret stash just so he could have some for himself, but more often than not he would give some of them to Ryan. He himself wasn't too fond of the sweet taste, and seeing Ryan so happy about something so simple was well worth it. Really, deep down he was a lot like a child.

The tea was another big hit. It took some getting used to, but now he could usually find Ryan working away in the library, a mug right by his side. Sometimes he would be too engrossed in the book he was pondering over and the tea would turn cold but a simple touch by Gavin could heat it up again.

As much as Ryan pretended not to need a single thing, he surely loved nearly everything Gavin had brought him. At this rate Gavin would have to go back in a few weeks and restock their stash, but that wasn't really something he could bring up.

Seeing Ryan's reaction to him returning had honestly been a surprise. Ryan hadn't made an attempt to stop him from leaving, he had actually offered Gavin the option in the first place, so of course Gavin would take him up on it. To see how Ryan had missed him in that short time was concerning in some way, but also very sweet.

Gavin had figured that Ryan would just continue as always, getting his work done while Gavin was away, and he hadn't been wrong per se. But stepping into the library that day and seeing Ryan had been a small shock.

Ryan was pale, paler than before if that made even any sense. The dark fog had billowed around him and filling the library, making everything cold and foreign. It had been such a strange picture that Gavin had hesitated to talk to him, to make a noise at all. For a moment he had caught a glimpse of the Dark God everyone was scared of, and for a good reason. Even when Ryan had turned towards him it was there, his eyes pitch black by his powers, but that had changed when Ryan had recognized him.

Gavin didn't try to think too much of the kiss. Ryan had been happy and excited and surprised. It hadn't been a kiss of love even if it was clear that they were attracted to each other. That was just how it was with light and dark, the two sides of the same coin.

He did recognize  _want_ when he saw it and Ryan wanted him to himself. Not necessarily in a sexual way, but mostly because Ryan could have everything else in this world, but not him. No, Gavin could now go and do as he pleased.

Sure, Ryan could come back and snatch him, lock him up again, but that wouldn't be right, they both knew that. The day would come when their powers would be the same and then Gavin would be able to walk out of this castle without any problems.

No, he was the only thing the Dark God didn't have control over and that made him so special in his eyes.

So the kiss had been nice, but nothing more than that. Gavin wouldn't mind doing it again, even if it wasn't for the exact same reason. He looked up to the Dark God because he had all the answers and knowledge that Gavin yearned for. Oh, he was so much more powerful than Gavin, and still Gavin had a certain power over him. He had seen that clearly when he came back, and as much as Ryan liked to pretend that wasn't the case, Gavin wasn't that blind.

Yeah, he recognized want when he saw it.

Still, he didn't act on it. It was clear that Ryan had surprised himself, maybe he was even a bit embarrassed by his sudden actions and Gavin allowed him to lick his wounds for a while. They both had things to think about.

Visiting Geoff and Jack had been wonderful. For the first days he had hid in their little farm house, unseen by the village around them, and it had been like back when he'd been a child. Sleeping in his bed while the orbs gathered on the ceiling. Waking up to the smell of fresh bread and coffee and of course Geoff and Jack.

They had talked about different topics than back when he had been a child, but it still felt good. Gavin had talked a lot, about the things he'd learned and the things he planned to do. Of course he'd talked about Ryan as well, and that seemed to take some of the tension from Geoff and Jack.

They had been worried about him. Worried sick, because he was trapped by the Dark God, but he assured them that it was fine. That maybe the beginning had been rough, but Gavin didn't fear Ryan anymore. No, he wanted to return to the castle and learn and change the world. He wanted to make them proud and he needed Ryan's help to do so.

They understood, even though they weren't too happy with it. But they also reassured him, and Gavin loved them for it.

He loved them very much.

On the last three days he visited the village. The people had been surprised, but had quickly fallen back to their old ways to worship him. It was a bit of a cultural shock after all these weeks away, because nobody was worshipping him here and he prefered that. It was part of being a God and nothing would change that, but that still didn't mean he had to like it. At least the gifts were a nice gesture.

In the castle the garden looked a bit worse than before he had left but it wasn't anything he couldn't fix with a few touches. He had also talked with Geoff about this place and the lack of sun, and now he had some new ideas. So two days after his return, he grasped Ryan's arm tightly and pulled him along.

"If we fix it even the sunflowers should grow," he explained eagerly. "I can make you an even better bracelet!"

"If they are as big as the ones in your crown I think they would get in the way."

Right! Jack had sat down with him one day and they had gathered the prettiest sunflowers they could find. Now they sat back on his head, weaved together by skillful hands and if possible even prettier than Gavin's old crown.

They reached the garden and Gavin nearly tripped in his hurry to drag Ryan towards the middle of it.

"So what's your big plan?"

"Sit down and I'll explain it to you." Gavin let himself fall on the soft green grass and Ryan followed a little reluctantly.

"You know about my orbs, right?" Gavin began right away and caught some in his hand before they could float away. "They are basically mini suns, so I was thinking if we could catch them here, the plants would have the light of the sun the whole day. By night I could just extinguish them so it's not too much."

"That could work, but how do you want to catch them here?"

"I'm not too sure about that. Maybe we could hang up some form of tarp between the walls of the castle? That way we could cover the garden with it and the orbs wouldn't escape." He pulled a face. "It's probably not very pretty but it might work until I figure something out. Also it's kinda like we'd have a super large tent! We could have a sleepover outside."

Ryan snorted. "Neither of us needs to sleep, Gavin."

"Maybe, but it's still nice once in a while!"

"What about an atrium instead?"

Gavin fell quiet and looked up at the little cut out of heaven they had from here. An atrium would surely work but-

"Isn't that too much work? Getting all that glass here, and then we'd need workers to put the glass roof up. I'm sure you don't want people running around this place all the time."

"I actually wasn't thinking about glass." Ryan lifted his hand, the one with the bracelet Gavin noticed and waved it nearly absentmindedly. The change happened immediately and with rapid speed. Gavin sat up and didn't dare to blink in fear he might miss it.

The dark crystal the castle was built out off was growing from the walls. Not smooth right now but with sharp edges and natural bumps, at least until they met in the middle. The crystal smoothed out there, spanning over the garden like a roof and locking them inside. It was pitch black in here now besides Gavin own glow and he was about to open his mouth and protest when Ryan interrupted him.

"Watch."

So he did and it took him a moment to realize what was happening. The crystal was clearing up and getting see through until Gavin could see the sky above again. It wasn't as clear as glass but well enough and the first orbs were already gathering up there.

"It's perfect!" Gavin cried out. "Ryan look! It's working!"

"Because it was a smart idea."

Turning towards him, Gavin beamed at him and Ryan actually smiled back. They sat there for a while longer, watching as the orbs filled their new ceiling, toppling over each other until they rested and left them in a soft glow.

It was nice and warm, and Gavin knew they would have to do some tweaking. Like this there was no wind coming through and some plants needed more or less sunlight, but for now this was good.

Happy, he laid down, the soft grass brushing against his bare arms and the shells of his ears and if he closed his eyes it nearly felt like outside, like laying on a field. In peace and away from watchful eyes.

There was still Ryan of course, and Ryan was watching him, but that was alright. He didn't mind the eyes of the Dark God on him. Quite the opposite actually, and his hand searched until he found Ryan's and tugged. It took a moment, but finally Ryan also laid down and Gavin couldn't help but wonder if he had ever done that before. Somehow he couldn't imagine it; after all it was rare enough to see the Dark God do anything besides work.

"What's with you and the crystals?" he asked into the silence. "Can you control them because they are dark or something?"

Ryan pondered over that for a moment, nearly long enough for Gavin to lift his head. When he did answer his voice was very quiet.

"It's like you and the sunflowers. I was born in them, so they're a part of me."

Opening his eyes Gavin turned towards him. Ryan was looking up, a thoughtful expression on his face and Gavin smoothed down the blades of grass between them to see him better.

"Tell me about the world you were born in. About the humans who raised you."

Again Ryan took his time but Gavin let him. He turned onto his side to watch him more closely.

"It's actually been a while since I thought about it. Centuries, but it all came back to me when I heard your story," Ryan admitted. "The world I was born in was a very dark place. I was born very late into it, as the last God. The Gods already reigning over the world were at war and had nearly completely destroyed everything. The earth was toxic, just like the air and the water. The sun was so bright that it burned everything that walked on the surface.

The humans survived by building deep tunnels into the earth. Down there the water was filtered enough by stones and earth that it wasn't as toxic anymore. It still made them sick though, and most were weak and didn't live long."

"That sounds horrible," Gavin whispered. "A world without sun and freedom."

Ryan just nodded. "There were too many people at first and not enough space, so some started to work on expanding their living quarters. Many died because of the hard labor or because the tunnels collapsed. Food was another big issue. Nothing grew properly in the darkness and many were starving. Everyone knew that the world would meet its end sooner rather than later."

Ryan fell quiet and Gavin couldn't help himself, but let his eyes travel over him. How his chest moved with each breath just like that of an human. At first glance he really did look like one, the sharp jaw, the blonde hair with grass in it from laying down, but Ryan would be able to fool no one. No, it was his presence that made him godly, the way his mind worked.

Nobody would take him for a mere human.

"Then you were born?" Gavin asked.

"A scientist found me deep inside a natural cave," Ryan went on. "The midnight crystals were common, but in that place they were the darkest he had ever seen. Some formed a star on the ceiling and in the middle I was waiting."

"Waiting until the right person found you."

Ryan’s eyes drifted open and he frowned. "I guess so. The man, Akkala, was a very bookish person. He wasn't very fond of other people or kids, but I piqued his interest. Of course he understood soon after who exactly I was, and I guess I can't deny he tried his best. He brought me into his little living space and it was stuffed full with old scrolls. He had taken as many as he could from the surface and preserved a lot of knowledge thanks to that. I devoured them all the moment I could understand words."

Gavin couldn't help but chuckle as he imagined Ryan as a small child, pondering over scrolls that were bigger than him. With anyone else this picture would be ridiculous, but somehow Gavin could see it in front of him. Down in the caves and tunnels, light had been spare, but Ryan had read even in the dim light of the torches, so eager for any kind of knowledge.

"I helped Akkala develop a way to filter the water properly, and thanks to that the plants also grew better. We helped a lot of people that way. Akkala pretended that it was all his own ideas and he became a very influential man."

"He took the glory all for himself?"

"Oh no! Not like that," Ryan assured him quickly. "I was still very young back then and he didn't want people to know about me yet. I would be passed around and there might be fights over me. Akkala saw that coming and so he kept me hidden. I was very happy about that."

Gavin thought back to his birthdays and how he would have to celebrate with everyone in the village even if he wished otherwise, or how each day he would walk through the village and mend whatever was broken. And the people back home weren't desperate, they had everything they could ever ask for. The people back in the caves had been different.

"Akkala allowed you to be yourself for a while," he said. "He let you be a kid before you had to become a God."

"He wasn't a very tactile man, but he understood that I didn't want to face many people yet." There was a fond smile on his face. "I didn't stay with him for very long, but he kept me hidden for most of that."

"How long were you with him?"

"Ten years I guess. That's when the other Gods came to get me."

"Ten years! You were still a child!"

"I was a God," Ryan just said. "I was a God and the world was dying. There wasn't any time to waste."

Gavin stared at him and felt his heart grow heavy. Ten years before Ryan got ripped away from the only family he had, ten years before he had to face the responsibility of a God.

"That's awful..."

"It wasn't a place for Gods down in the tunnels. That's what they told me and then we started my training. I barely finished it before I watched the world end."

"What about Akkala?"

"I never saw him again. I think he was killed soon after. The people around him found out that he hid me and blamed him for it. What a shame because he was truly gifted."

"I am so sorry that happened." Gavin let his hand search until he found Ryan's and squeezed tightly. The other squeezed back and even though he acted like it didn't mean much to him now, Gavin knew that it left scars. The gnawing question of what would've happened if things went differently, the knowledge that Ryan had missed out on, among other things.

Ten years wasn't a proper age to be ripped away from home and to face his destiny. No, at that age Gavin had still played around every day.

That was thanks to Ryan, he realized. Ryan could've come for him way sooner, but he hadn't. It was just like Ryan had said, he wanted to grant Gavin a childhood, something that he himself only had a taste of.

"Thank you, Ryan," he mumbled. "For giving me the chance to grow up in peace."

"You're a God of Hearts, family bonds are more important to you. It would've hurt you way more if I'd taken you away."

"I don't think that's true. You were a child back then, not a God."

Ryan opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He just let it go in the end and chose not to answer, to not prod at a wound that was hopefully closed by now, and Gavin allowed him that.

They laid in silence for a while longer and watched as their atrium filled with light orbs. Inside the castle there was work waiting, always work because they were Gods and there was always something out there that needed their attention. But out here it was peaceful and Gavin was ready to keep Ryan from going back inside. The other needed some rest after everything and now as Gavin slowly realized what gift the other had granted him, he was going to watch over him. Because childhood was something so precious, and he only knew that because Ryan had let him have it.

He himself never had the chance, locked away in some dark cave before getting taken away. How very awful.

What was a childhood without playing in the sun? Without running around with other kids and staying up too late?

A part of him wanted to meet this little Ryan and bring him to this world here. Back to the farm where they could run through the fields and drink hot tea at home. Where Geoff would tell them stories and Jack would tuck them in. Oh, what a different world that would be for Ryan!

"I guess even with all our power not even we can truly decide our upbringing," Gavin mumbled. "There is a power greater than us and it decides for us."

"Faith. Destiny. I heard many names for it," Ryan said. "Whatever it is, it brought us here."

Gavin watched him through the blades of grass and couldn't help but feel suddenly very melancholic. Things could've been so differently for both of them. He couldn't have been born in this world at all. and even if, what if Geoff and Jack hadn't been chosen as his parents? What if there was another God here that wasn't as patient as Ryan? There were warlike Gods out there, Ryan had experienced that first hand, and their only goal was to fight amongst each other.

"I'm glad I'm here with you. It feels right," he said and squeezed Ryan's hand once more. The other just nodded as an answer, but that was enough and Gavin couldn't help but smile fondly.

He scooted closer until he could rest his head on Ryan's shoulder. The other tensed but Gavin didn't move. He kept their hands entwined and his head right where it was.

"It's a thing you do as kids," he explained. "Staying up late and sleeping beneath the stars. Just you and your friends as you talk and do nothing more. You've never done that before, right?"

"There was no such thing as stars in the world I was born at. I only saw the sky once I was with the other Gods and it wasn't as clear as the one here."

"Then I guess this is a good way to make some new memories."

"But w-"

Gavin shook his head before Ryan could fully voice his doubts. Of course there were better things to do and of course there was work inside, things they should take care of and things Gavin had to learn. But this moment was more important right now because Ryan was solid beneath him and Gavin could feel each time he took a breath. Not only that, the coldness coming from him was barely there and the dark fog following him around disappeared beneath the steady glow of the orbs above.

"Alright." Ryan said it so quietly that the word was barely there, and again Gavin had to smile. They stayed until night fell and Gavin let the orbs fade out so that they could see the stars instead.

They were brilliant in the dark night and he wanted to create pictures in between them, stories that connected every human in this world, but was it even his place? Did the stars belong to him or to Ryan?

He didn't know and when he raised his head to ask Ryan, he found the other sound asleep. Gavin hesitated, taken aback. Not once had he seen Ryan close to being asleep, but here he was now with grass in his hair and a relaxed expression on his face.

"Sleep," Gavin whispered and leaned ahead to press a kiss against his forehead. Just like Geoff and Jack had done to him so, so many times before. "The world can wait for a moment."

 

~+~

 

The castle changed with both of them living there, and it took Gavin a while to notice. Only one day when he was on the way from the garden to the library he stopped in the middle of the long hallways that had become so very familiar. There was a beam of light shining from above, making the crystal glow in its rainbow colors.

The light came from a window that most certainly hadn't been there before but now pointed towards the south. The daylight felt wonderful on Gavin's skin as he stepped into the ray to take a closer look. From here he could see the blue sky and clouds above and it felt him with a childish joy.

He ran off to catch Ryan in the library and hugged him wildly.

"What was that for?" Ryan asked but it didn't sound annoyed for getting interrupted during his work. No, he was rather amused.

"For the window of course!"

The Dark God stared at him for a moment before shaking his head. "I don't think I understand?"

So Gavin grasped his arm and dragged him out into the hallway. He could feel the shift before they even stopped and then Ryan stood next to him, an absolutely bewildered expression on his face.

"I... I didn't do this."

"What are you talking about? Who else could've done it?"

"Nobody."

"Exactly," Gavin chuckled and pulled Ryan into the ray of light. "Isn't it warm? It feels great, doesn't it?"

Ryna's skin looked nearly sickly against his tan arm, but Gavin didn't mind. It reminded him of moonlight and how it showed the way even in the darkest of nights.

"It does."

But Ryan still looked at the window like it was an foreign object that didn't belong here. Wasn't that weird? Only Ryan could control those crystals, so of course he had done it. Maybe it had been subconscious?

It probably didn't matter and so Gavin just hugged his arm tightly.

"Thank you so much, I really like it!"

 

Three days later he was sitting in the library, reading up on different kinds of energy when he noticed the next change. He had put his book down to rest his eyes for a moment, and as he gazed at the endless amount of shelves, he shook his head. Sometimes just looking at the sheer size of the library still made him dizzy and as he focused on the walls instead, he noticed the difference.

Putting his book down, he got up to step closer. There, deep inside the black crystal were specks of gold. They reflected his own glow and made it nearly look like there were sparks trapped inside the walls.

It was beautiful and Gavin wanted to touch them, but couldn't through the thick layer of crystal. Was that Ryan's doing? No, he didn't think so. He recognized his own work when he saw it and that was his gold he could spread if he chose to or got emotional. Only that he hadn't done that, mostly because he couldn't even reach that place.

Sure, he had left his traces here and there because it pissed Ryan off and it was usually hilarious, but Ryan always got rid of it quickly. Also Gavin wouldn't do that in the library, not in such an important room. This was Ryan's space and so filled with power that Gavin still felt awe just thinking about it.

No, just like the window in the hallway it had just appeared without their knowledge. It was the castle changing to occupy both of them, to function as a home.

Gavin hadn't really thought about that, but he didn't have to stay here forever. He could create his own space, a castle somewhere that wasn't so blank and dark, but now the thought frightened him a little. It would mean being alone, and he never had been before.

It was a scary thought and again he touched the crystal wall, glad to see the flecks of gold inside. This place was changing to make him feel more at home. Because he and Ryan were finally learning to accept each other? Yeah, that had to be it.

Turning around, he found Ryan pondering over some books in another chair. He was so engrossed by it that he hadn't even noticed Gavin moving and had also forgotten his half finished tea by his side. The sight had grown endearing over time and Gavin couldn't help himself but smile.

He liked Ryan, liked him a great deal. The other was a lot of things he wanted to be as well. Smart and powerful. He always seemed to know exactly what to do and stood behind his decisions. That was something that Gavin would have to learn, but it was hard.

Making a wrong move could result in so much pain, and even if he made a decision it wouldn't benefit everyone. There were always people he would hurt, and the thought was horrifying. Even worse when he imagined how the people would talk about him.

He had always been the good God, the hope of the humans. How long until he would get a new name? How long until the whispers would start that the Dark God had corrupted him? Who would he be when their beloved Solar Queen wasn't playing by their rules anymore and got a mind on his own?

Scary. So endlessly scary to grow up.

Ryan would still be there then, leading him and helping with his experience. Other Gods would appear as well, older ones to help them with their world and that was another foreign thought he didn't like. No, right now he only wanted Ryan at his side, and realizing that he stepped closer to the other.

Ryan was so concentrated on his book that he still didn't look up. Not even when Gavin reached out to touch his tea and heat it up again.

As if there was nothing else in this world besides that book and all he could learn from it, the problems he could solve and the new he would create. Thinking about it like that, Gavin wasn't sure if he'd ever dare to touch another book again.

This give and take was terrifying and he wanted to be good, to help people, but it would never be perfect. Also Ryan was right, humans always wanted more.

Leaning down he kissed Ryan on the cheek before pulling back. It felt like an experiment, but he couldn't help but chuckle by how startled Ryan was.

"What are you doing?" he spluttered, nearly dropping the book.

"I gave you a kiss."

"For what?"

"Because I wanted to," Gavin said easily. "Because I like you."

Ryan opened his mouth like a fish but nothing came out. That was funny and it always happened when Gavin was honest. Ryan wasn't used to that, and in all his ways and lives he didn't know how to deal with that.

"I like you a lot. I already liked you the first time we met, but I didn't know you then, so it didn't count. I can't like someone properly after only meeting them once. What I felt back then was want, and that's still there."

"Gav-"

"But living here with you." He shrugged a bit helplessly. "I think I learned to really, really like you. There are a lot of things I admire about you and so many others I want to learn. I know you can teach me a lot but maybe that goes the other way as well. It has to if we want to make this work, right?"

Ryan's shock seemed to pass a little at that and his eyes softened.

"Yes. You've already taught me a lot, Gavin."

"Good. That's... I was hoping for that." And now of all the moments he grew nervous. He wasn't even quite sure why. Being honest was scary, he knew that, but he had been taught to face those situations. That being honest would bring him further than trying to trick people or lie. He was being honest because as much as it sometimes hurt, he had always appreciated people being honest to him. Back in the village there were too many who would tell him whatever he wanted to hear if it just meant they would get from him what they wanted.

So he had learned to stand up and say what was on his mind and he had done just that. Why he should be nervous about it he didn't know, after all he didn't expect Ryan to react badly. Quite the opposite actually.

But for now Ryan just stared up to him, obviously unsure on where this was going, and Gavin couldn't help but feel amused. Reaching out he plucked the book from Ryan's hand and laid it neatly onto the table right next to his tea.

Ryan let him without any protest, watching him intently, and Gavin used that as an invitation to slip into his lap. It was a tight fit in the armchair and his knees bumped a bit awkwardly against the back of it but Ryan's surprise was worth it. For a moment he didn't appear to know what to do with his arms and they lingered a little awkwardly between them before Ryan lowered them onto the arm rests.

"I am the God of Light, the Solar Queen," Gavin proclaimed and cupped Ryan's face with his hands. "You can't tell me no."

Ryan's eyebrows shot up but he still made no move.

"Even as the Dark God you can't force me to anything."

Only that he wasn't forcing him even in the slightest. Ryan was still more powerful than him, no matter how hard Gavin tried to close the gap between them. It was evident by how cold the other’s body felt where they were pressed together now. With Ryan's legs captured between his own he was acutely aware of that difference.

So if Ryan wanted him gone, it was be easy for him.

But Ryan didn't move, just watched him curiously as if he didn't know what would happen next. Which was hilarious and exhilarating at the same time. Those icy blue eyes were so familiar by now that Gavin couldn't help but wonder how he had ever been wary of them. Even back on that first day they had met, a part of him had realized that all the knowledge of the world was locked away behind them. To see them and the face of the infamous Dark God framed by his own hands now sent a thrill down his back.

He kissed him then, just like Ryan had kissed him before. It wasn't the same though, back then Ryan had been so full of relief to see him again and it had been so prominent that Gavin had felt it radiate from him. This right here was hunger and want, and leaning above Ryan, Gavin tilted his head back to have better access. The thought that he was forcing the Dark God to this was laughable but he had the control right now and that made his head spin.

Ryan didn't stop him; he kissed him back but with a funny sort of curiosity. Not that Gavin cared about it, for him it was also some sort of experiment, but the thought wasn't important. Feeling the prickle of Ryan's facial hair against his hands was important and the presence of another body against his as well.

With a gasp he came back up for air, his eyes going right back to the other's mouth, now deliciously red. Ryan was watching him with something in his gaze that Gavin hadn't truly seen before, but he didn't have to check on it. He knew it already because he could see how hard the other was holding onto the armrests.

It was the last sliver of control and it was a challenge to see it slip.

One of Gavin's thumbs traveled over those red lips, and he could feel the other shiver. With a smirk he went back down and there were the hands now, one burying in his golden hair and the other on the small of his back, pressing him closer.

It was an invitation to deepen the kiss and Ryan tasted like peppermint tea and stardust and aeons. Half a dozen worlds he had lived through, but here he was right beneath Gavin of all things. And now the hunger was also in him, forcing Gavin back until he was sitting on the other's legs, their chests flush together and Gavin relished at that. He let him take and take and  _ take _ , moving wherever Ryan wanted him with just a short tug on his golden hair.

It didn't matter to him because he had the Dark God still beneath him and could feel the desperation radiate from him. As if even with eternities between them he feared it wouldn't be enough.

Another gasp escaped him as Ryan's hand found its way beneath his tunic and the cold against his flushed skin was as surprising as it was thrilling.

Ryan didn't let him escape though, twisting the hand in his hair to pull him back in and Gavin made a helpless little noise in the back of his throat. This was new, not Ryan's obvious power because he did know about that but the roughness. Ryan had been a lot of things to him but always soft and careful not to hurt him. There was nothing left of that now and Gavin gave up to hold him back and let his own hands slip down to rest against the other's shoulder.

Instantly Ryan surged up, crashing their lips together and Gavin felt helpless and hot all over. Like being in the middle of the storm but he didn't want to leave, not even when the hand on his back began to creep up. The fingertips, as cold as ice left behind a tingling trail right on top of his spine. It nearly hurt, like pins and needles that lingered even when Ryan moved higher.

Gavin lost the plush mouth as he was forced to arch his back but Ryan wouldn't let him go. His teeth capture his bottom lip and bit. Gavin moaned helplessly and tore in Ryan's cloak, knowing it had to be golden by now. There were just too many sensations to keep track of his powers or anything else and he still wanted more.

Ryan's cold hand settled right between the blades of his shoulder and Gavin felt like his spine would snap in half any moment now by how much he was arching his back. He was pulled tight and Ryan still tugging at his strings but he was merciful at least now.

The hand that had first buried itself in golden hair was now on his hips, guiding him back down and Gavin hadn't even realized that he had sat up, but he must have, because without Ryan's hand on his back he would just topple out of the seat. With half lidded eyes Gavin watched the ceiling of the library, impossible far away and shimmering with golden stars now. It gave him a moment to take a much needed breath but the mercy was short lived and with a sure grip Ryan kept him right where he wanted him to. Just close enough to attach his lips to Gavin's neck and worry on the skin there.

With a groan Gavin let his eyes slip shut to just feel before it would all become too overwhelming.

Ryan finished the mark on his neck and then guided him to safety until Gavin could rest his head against the other's shoulder. He felt boneless in that moment, exhausted on a mental level but also strung up, giddy even and a tiny bit breathless. He was basically panting against Ryan's neck but it changed into a pleasant hum once Ryan's hand found back to his hair, playing with it.

That felt nice and made him a bit drowsy after the rush of adrenaline. He knew that one move from him and they would go again, a single roll of his hips or a bruising kiss against the column of Ryan's throat but there was no rush, not anymore. They had eternity, so why hurry up?

In the moment all he wanted was to cuddle closer and share his own warmth a little.

"Okay?" Ryan asked him and had to clear his throat right after.

Gavin hummed affirmatively but couldn't help but shiver when the other pulled his second hand free from beneath his tunic. The cold still tickled his spine but it eased once Ryan started to rub his back through the layer of clothes.

Blindly Gavin lifted his head and searched for Ryan's mouth, giving him a chaste little kiss. It tasted sweet after the fire before and even with his eyes closed he could tell that Ryan was smiling. That was good, he wanted the Dark God to be happy as well and Gavin curled into him. Strong arms wrapped around him and secured him from slipping off and it would be so easy to fall asleep now. Even if he didn't need to, he just felt too comfortable but he pulled himself back together again.

When he blinked his eyes open he was resting his head against Ryan's chest and the hand was still rubbing up and down his back. That was good because his back felt kinda numb from the cold but he relished in the feeling.

"Okay?" Gavin asked now and figured he should've asked before. It had been him who had ambushed Ryan like that.

"If you are."

Lifting his head Gavin looked at Ryan because that wasn't really an answer. The other was still a little flushed, his lips bruised up and that looked delicious enough to nearly forget his worry. But there was something in the blue eyes that made him hesitate.

"What's wrong?"

"You're so very young," Ryan murmured and wrapped strands of golden hair around his fingers. "Maybe this isn't right. I shouldn't have overwhelmed you like that."

"Ryan, by all means I'm old enough to chose for myself what I want and don’t want," Gavin told him. "Also may I remind you that I grew up surrounded by people who worshiped me? You don't think I didn't just have to snap my finger and get what I wanted before?"

The look of shock on Ryan's face made him roll his eyes.

"Yes, I know. What a big surprise; your pure little Solar Queen was a teenager once. Geoff and Jack made sure that this whole being a God didn't get to my head too much but there are things not even they know, alright?" He pecked Ryan on the lips once more. "I was just overwhelmed because it was you... and let's be real, because you are way more intense than nervous teenagers who don't even know what they're doing. Myself included."

Ryan was still staring at him but his surprise had passed. Instead it was replaced by a certain darkness that Gavin would like to explore, but not right now. No, now he wanted soft, and so he brought his hand up to caress his cheek.

"But also because you're the first person I like. Truly, truly like. Because you're like me and I was so very lonely before, no matter how many people were around me."

"Or how many sucked your dick apparently," Ryan added, but Gavin picked up on the amusement in his voice.

"We just did a bit of snogging," Gavin assured him. "I was raised properly after all. I was raised to know what's important."

Ryan chuckled and Gavin smiled as well. It felt good like that, being honest with each other and pressed so close together, Ryan didn't feel as cold anymore and he couldn't help but wonder if it was thanks to him. He could just ask and figure it out but where would be the fun in that?

So instead he laid his head against Ryan's chest, watching him from below.

"What about you? Any escapades?"

Ryan took a moment to think about it. He was still playing with Gavin's hair and that felt nice.

"Some humans in other worlds, some in this one here,"  he finally said. "But you quickly learn not to mingle too much with them or start anything serious."

"Because they die so quickly?"

"They age and then they die," Ryan confirmed, and Gavin quickly hid his face in Ryan's chest. That wasn't something he wanted to think about, and Ryan had to be able to tell because he nudged him gently until he looked back up to him.

"A few other Gods, but that was only for pleasure."

"Is it different this time?"

Ryan's eyes remained that familiar blue, open and honest and Gavin knew the answer before the other spoke.

"Yeah." Leaning down he kissed Gavin's forehead. "You're my counterpart, the other side of the same coin. You are the light, Solar Queen. I'm the darkness."

Gavin hummed pleased and for a moment they just sat there, slotted together comfortably as if they were meant to be right here. Above him Ryan moved to drink from his cup of tea and Gavin could barely contain his chuckle. For someone who was so vehemently against everything he didn't truly need, Ryan surely loved his tea. What else could he bring the infamous Dark God?

"The castle is changing on its own," he whispered after a while. That had been the reason he had approached Ryan in the first place but it appeared they had gotten a bit sidetracked.

"Is it because you decided to stay here?" Ryan asked, and surprised Gavin looked up.

"What do you mean?"

"You seem more comfortable here and you are starting to claim your space," Ryan said amused and let his thumb brush over Gavin's cheek. "Like your room or the garden. It's all yours, and if you need more places like that I'll be happy to provide them for you."

A bit helplessly Gavin stared at him and couldn't quite tell why he felt scared suddenly. It was true after all but deep inside he could feel himself lose something so very important, as if he was at a threshold and had only just realized it.

"That doesn't mean this castle will replace the place you grew up in," Ryan said as if he could read his thoughts. "I just want this place to be another home for you, somewhere you can feel comfortable in."

Gavin thought about that for a moment before smiling. That sounded better, and the fear seemed to slip from him because Ryan was still here. Ryan was here and his hands were gentle on him and he would look out for him.

His home was also still there, the farm and the endless fields surrounding it. Geoff and Jack and he could still visit them. He would because time was precious between them and he wanted to make the most of it. He also wanted them to get to know Ryan, the Ryan only Gavin knew.

In some strange way he wanted their blessing.

"This place already is another home," Gavin assured him and reached up to wrap his hand around Ryan's. He pulled them down to kiss his fingers and Ryan smiled at him. “You are already another home.”

"I'm very glad to hear that."

  
  



	6. Solstice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Come with me then."
> 
> Surprised Ryan let his hands fall back down. "What?"
> 
> "Come with me to visit the village," Gavin offered as if it was that easy, as if that was even an option.

Chapter 6

Solstice

 

Ryan stared into the box of tea Gavin had brought him and a feeling of dread came over him. Somehow that had become familiar, even though before he hadn't really known it. As a God, you always had to be sure of yourself and unmoving as stone. If the humans noticed you getting nervous, they would get nervous as well.

Now though, this simple box could make him hesitate in his daily goings just because it was emptying rapidly. That was to be expected; after all, he had learned to enjoy a cup of tea with his research. Sure, he didn't need it but it calmed him down and settled warm in his body. It somehow reminded him of Gavin with his small comforting gestures.

Now though his mindless consuming had left the box nearly empty, just like the sugary pastries that Gavin had brought before. They hadn't seen the light of the next day once Ryan had spotted them and that had greatly amused Gavin.

Back then Gavin hadn't offered to go back to the village to get more, but that was because the wounds had still be too fresh. After Ryan's little outburst Gavin had been very careful not to mention the village or his parents too much, and Ryan had appreciated it.

Now though? Now Gavin would offer to go back and get new tea and Ryan wouldn't stop him. It wouldn't be fair and Gavin was his own person. Also he had returned the last time, right? He had come back to him and now their bond was even tighter knit together.

There wasn't anything to worry about, and Ryan figured he wasn't as much worried as he feared missing Gavin.

Missing someone was a very unique flavor of hurt and he hated it. He was used to have everything he wanted and he was even more used to acting like he didn't care. He didn't care that people hated him, because in the big picture his world was healthy and developing at a rapid pace. He didn't care that people thought of him as scary and evil because that was just a thing that he brought with him as the Dark God. Darkness and the unknown did scare humans after all.

But why was he so scared? He did trust Gavin, but maybe that was the thing. He didn't trust himself to not overreact again, to fall into the very same mindset and just lock himself away in his work. That had been so ingrained in his life in this world, always working and taking care of the world, and he knew that old habits died hard.

Ryan's eyes traveled to the bracelet of sunflowers around his wrist and he touched it gently. The flowers were beautiful and strong, stronger than before. They were barely affected by his own darkness and cold anymore, and he wondered if Gavin had noticed. Probably not, Gavin had a hard time seeing his own accomplishments.

Speaking of him, Ryan could already feel the warm glow on his skin before Gavin even entered the room.

Gavin was humming to himself and didn't notice how animals gathered in every window he passed on his way. They were dedicated to him, following him around and nestling around the castle. Ryan watched attentively and couldn't help but wonder how strong Gavin could become.

As a God of Light the path he could take his powers in were versatile. The heat could turn into fire and destruction, the glow could soothe the mind and body and possibly heal. Maybe he could command the animals to some degree and his natural charisma could be of use later as well, when they had to deal with other Gods.

There were so many possibilities that Ryan feared they wouldn't even scratch the surface in this world, just like he was still honing his skills and abilities. But yes, Gavin could become immensely powerful, and Ryan couldn't wait to see it happen.

Even now the difference was evident. Before Gavin had emitted light in a soft glow and orbs, now he was radiating a presence of light and warmth. A presence of warm summer nights when the day just wouldn't come to an end and the night and darkness was impossibly far away. With crickets chirping in the background and the first shy stars appearing above, distant worlds that nobody would be able to comprehend properly. It wouldn't take long until the humans would notice his might, and it was already happening. It was just a question of when Gavin would realize it.

Closing the lid of the wooden box Ryan sighed to himself.

"The tea is nearly empty." It hurt saying that, and his stomach was in knots when Gavin spun around. His humming had stopped and his green eyes were bright as they found him. Always curious, always ready to learn.

"It's because you're drinking like ten cups a day," Gavin teased him. "I even stopped drinking some so that you could have my share."

That... he hadn't known that, and he felt a blush creep up his face. Gavin must have noticed, because with a laugh he came closer to kiss Ryan's cheek.

"It's okay. I’ve had tea all my life, you gotta catch up! Doing a great job at that by the way."

"You brought me this... this drug!"

"Drug!" Gavin cried out and threw his arms up. "You have no idea what you're talking about, love! Tea is delicious, I agree with you there but as always you're a bit too dramatic about this."

Ryan grumbled a response but really had nothing to defend himself with. Gavin knew that and grinned at him mischievously.

"But that's a good thing. When we go and get more tea we can also look at those pastries again. You ate  _those_ as if you were addicted!"

"You ate some as well."

"I brought ten with me and had one! I even gave you half of it because you looked at me with puppy eyes!"

"I don't possess...  _ puppy eyes _ _._ What eve-" He was interrupted by Gavin's laugh and fell quiet. It sent a warm shiver through him whenever he could make the other laugh.

Reaching out he took Gavin's face in his hand and pulled him into an easy kiss. It was insane to think that he could just do that, that Gavin responded eagerly and with another pleasant hum in the back of his throat. The Solar Queen was warm and soft against him, free of any scars that the immortal lives of Gods brought and the cynical look at the world.

He was gorgeous and bright and so different to every other God Ryan had met until now. And he was all his, had chosen so himself.

"Guess I have to go back to the village," Gavin murmured when he pulled back, and Ryan tensed. Right, he had nearly forgotten about it and the threat came back to curl in his guts.

When he looked up, Gavin was watching him closely and he wasn't stupid, quite the opposite. That was a regard Gavin knew more about than him, things of the heart and soul and he kissed Ryan again to soothe both.

"I don't have to, love."

"Don't be stupid. I'm sure you miss Geoff and Jack," Ryan told him. He wouldn't keep Gavin here against his will; he would allow him to be free and visit his family. It would be selfish to do otherwise, and he had seen how they would clash if he tried to chain Gavin down.

That wasn't the Gavin he wanted, upset and locked away from the world he loved so much. He wanted Gavin to glow and be warm and come back to him on his own free will.

The green eyes were still watching him, attentive enough to know his every thought right now and Ryan didn't shy away.

"Come with me then."

Surprised Ryan let his hands fall back down. "What?"

"Come with me to visit the village," Gavin offered as if it was that easy, as if that was even an option.

"Gav, I can't-"

"Why not?" Gavin grasped his hand and he hadn't even noticed that he had taken a step back as if he wanted to flee.

"The people there hate me," Ryan told him matter of factly. He'd love to pretend that it didn't hurt saying that but it somehow did. How? He had known that for so long but thinking about it, he had never said it out loud and the sound of his own words managed to upset him.

"They have no right to hate you," Gavin said with a surprisingly fierce voice. "This world is prospering beneath your guidance and the humans are doing well. They just can't see the bigger picture but if we show them-"

"They will never understand."

"We have to try, we have to make a start." Gavin laid Ryan's hand above his heart, warm and beating. "Please, Ryan?"

Oh, it was hard to deny Gavin anything, but the thought alone made him shiver. There was a reason why he barely left this castle, why he had messengers that did most of the work for him. There was no reason to mingle with the humans, to watch their fearful eyes and silent whispers about him. Their thoughts that would turn around in their little heads, bad thoughts about him that felt cold and dark when they pressed against his consciousness, like stinking black sludge.

"The people will love you enough for both of us," he just said and pulled his hand free. It upset Gavin and Ryan hated seeing him like that, but he let it go for now. It wasn't the end of it, they could both tell, but for now he could take a much needed breath.

The idea alone had scared him and he didn't like that. It was a stupid thing to be scared about.

 

~+~

 

Gavin didn't mention his idea for a few days and Ryan tried to not drink as much tea anymore. That was a very ridiculous way to prolong the discussion and maybe it was petty as well, but he tried not to think about it.

He was looking for Gavin one evening and found him in his garden, which wasn't unusual. What was however unusual was the stillness in him. He was sitting in the grass, cross legged, and wasn’t moving a single muscle. From here Ryan could just see his back and stopped at the entrance, didn't want to disturb him with whatever he was doing.

It took him a moment longer to notice the vines and flowers crawling up his limbs, tangling between his fingers and sprouting in his hair. The grass surrounding him was growing rapidly and alarmed Ryan marched closer.

"Gav?"

He could now see his face and his heart skipped a beat, because Gavin's eyes were golden, no trace of his normal green left. The air around him sizzled with energy and he didn't react, just stared blankly ahead as the grass around him grew and grew until it died, only to be replaced by new life immediately.

Ryan grasped his shoulder and sent his powers through to negate whatever Gavin was doing. He was using the light for something but it was too much, not focused at all, and just used to make him exhausted.

It faded now and Gavin also brought a hand up to try and rip Ryan's away, but he didn't let him go.

"Gavin!"

Gavin snapped out of it, his eyes shining green and confused as he looked up but he relaxed when he recognized Ryan.

"What's wrong?"

"You tell me!" Ryan demanded and brushed dead leaves out of golden hair. "What were you trying to do?"

"Someone was calling my name," Gavin mumbled and rubbed his eyes. "I just tried to find out who it was and what they wanted."

Ah, Ryan had expected that to come up at some point and he sat down in front of him. He gave Gavin another moment to orientate himself because he had seemed impossible far away and was looking around quite confused. When he noticed the dead grass around him and the vines still wrapped around his legs there was a flash of fear in his eyes, and Ryan reached out to squeeze his hand.

"It's okay. Your powers just didn't have any direction."

"It only brought destruction then..."

"That is a form every power can take, not only yours," Ryan assured him and with some hesitation Gavin nodded. He was a bit pale but tried his hardest to pull himself back together again.

"I heard a woman calling for me," he finally said and Ryan was glad he focused on that. "I could hear her, but when I tried to reach her it wouldn't work. I just stayed here in my body and couldn't travel."

"That skill takes some getting used to. Moving just your spirit is quite a challenge."

"But I did it before, right? When we decided on who got the idea in the desert. You helped me back then, can you help me again?"

"Of course. It will help you get the hang of it quicker, but first I want you to understand what you're hearing." Ryan offered his other hand and Gavin quickly took it. His skin looked so tan against him and was as warm as holding a flame. It was a small thrill each time. "The woman you keep on hearing is praying to you."

"Praying?"

Ryan nodded. "The news that you were born and ruling alongside me is spreading so it was bound to happen. It's actually been happening for a while but you weren't yet able to hear it."

"So it is some kind of cry for help and I've been ignoring them?" Gavin said fearfully, but Ryan just snorted.

"It's hardly always a cry for help. You weren't able to hear them because their prayer didn't come from their heart. Usually they are born from greed or envy because humans always want more. This woman is probably the first who truly wanted to reach you and ask for help."

Gavin was watching him out of big eyes and squeezed his hands. "She sounds very desperate, Ryan. I want to help her."

"That's your decision but know the consequences. When you start answering prayers more and more will come and it can get overwhelming. You'll also get more fine tuned to the prayers, so you'll even hear the ones that aren't honest over time."

He wondered if he should tell Gavin that he had seen Gods break apart because of that. Gods who had tried to please everyone without realising it was impossible, and others who couldn't tune out the voices in their heads. An eternal string of demands being whispered to them.

But that usually wasn't the case and he wanted Gavin to chose his own way. They would deal with it in case it got too much.

"What about you?" Gavin asked after thinking about it for a while. "Are you answering prayers?"

Ryan smiled sadly. "I don't get an awful lot of prayers."

"Oh..."

"There are some islands in the east who worship me and pray regularly. I answer some but ignore most. Often you can just tell by the voice if they really need your help or not."

Gavin nodded solemnly.

"I think this woman needs my help. I can hear it."

"Okay."

"Can you help me reach her? Show me how it's done?"

"Of course, Gav." He entwined their fingers and ordered the other to close his eyes. It was easy for him to leave this body and tugging Gavin behind wasn't hard as well. He didn't think Gavin would have much problem with it as well once he got the hang of it.

After that he did let go though and let Gavin travel for himself. The woman had called him after all, not the Dark God, and he would respect her wishes. So he waited out of his body, lingering in the garden to feel Gavin returning and in case it was needed, to show him the way back.

Not even ten minutes later he felt the warm presence of the other returning and guided him back towards his body. It was always jarring to return, no matter how often you did it. It was the realization that the body was barely enough to contain the spirit and power and there was a brief moment of panic where he feared he would just burst apart.

But it settled as always and opening his eyes, Ryan was just in time to steady Gavin. The younger God wasn't used to it. Gavin looked paler than before and was drenched in sweat. His eyes were half lidded and he was swaying even with Ryan's hand on his shoulder.

"You used too much of your power at once," he told him and wanted to kick himself. How long had Gavin already sat out here, trying to reach this woman? How much power had been wasted because he hadn't known how to focus it right?

Gavin blinked up to him and then pulled a face as if he was in pain. It made panic strike in Ryan's chest and he was on his feet before he could truly think about it. Picking Gavin up was easy and the other barely protested, his hands were pressed against his forehead and he kept his eyes closed.

"I might have overdone it a little," he mumbled, and Ryan nearly huffed.

"Glad we can agree on that. You need a break."

"It's okay. I'll be fine in a moment."

"You'll be fine when I tell you to." He could basically feel Gavin roll his eyes at him but he didn't care. With sure steps he brought him inside the castle and walked right to the next staircase. It was easy carrying the other, Gavin wasn't very heavy and he also didn't try to wiggle free. After a while he even held on tight to Ryan's arm and tried himself on a smile.

"Ryan, you're strong, Ryan."

"I'm a God."

"Do Gods have super strength?"

"Well no," he admitted. "Well some Gods of Bodies do, but we don't. There's no need for it."

"So you're strong," Gavin reasoned and with a huff Ryan gave him.

"Fine, alright. I'm strong."

Gavin grinned up at him as if he'd won something very important. "See? Maybe I should've done this sooner. I like getting carried by you."

"You're ridiculous," Ryan mumbled, but had to fight down a blush. Why did he feel so proud hearing this? That didn't even make any sense.

He finally reached Gavin's room and opened the door. With the sun setting in the west, the light reflected in the golden walls and made everything glow in rainbow colors. Light orbs nestled at the ceiling, but not too many because Gavin barely spent his time here anymore. Still, the room had been the first to change to his wishes, and it always felt a little strange to step in here to Ryan.

He still remembered the vast little room up here, completely dark and without anything in here. He had modified it for Gavin and had lived under the illusion that a window and a bed would be more than enough for the Solar Queen. Nowadays he would build him a castle if Gavin so much as asked him to.

Placing him on the bed, Gavin sighed and quickly closed his eyes. With a wave of his hand the light orbs disappeared.

"The light hurts my head. Isn't that funny?"

"You're just sensitive right now," Ryan told him. "Do you need anything? Should I make you tea?"

"And have you whining about not having any tomorrow? No, thank you. I just need to lay down for a minute."

"Alright."

Ryan lingered a bit awkwardly next to the bed, unsure if he was welcome to stay or if he should go. He didn't want to go, wanted to keep an eye on Gavin, but also didn't want to disturb him. When Gavin patted the space next to him his shoulders sagged in relief. Climbing into the bed, he turned onto his side to watch Gavin.

The worry was irrational because Gavin was a God and nothing was actually wrong with him. Once he rested up he would go right back to being okay but it had scared him a little bit. To see Gavin so pale and weak; he didn't like it.

"I answered the prayer," Gavin said in the silence.

"You helped the woman?"

Gavin nodded. "She was in a bad place. Her husband is very sick and they have two kids. Because she was taking care of her family her fields were dying and without a proper harvest she wouldn't have been able to support her family anymore. So she prayed."

"So you went and fixed her fields?"

"Yeah." Gavin laid his arm across his eyes to block the remaining light out. "She didn't pray for herself, but rather for her family and it was hardly her fault. So it was okay, wasn't it?"

Ryan pulled on the blanket to cover him. "Gavin, whatever you do is right. If you want to help her, do so and if you don't, then don't. It's your choice."

"I guess... but what would you have done?"

That was a hard question. When he had told Gavin that he didn't get many prayers, he hadn't lied. There were some murmurs at the back of his mind, but those were just mindless prayers, people who assured their devotion as if Ryan would care. There was rarely anyone who truly asked for his help and he usually ignored them because a lot of the requests were ludicrous or plain selfish. You didn't pray to the Dark God for a good harvest or to heal a sickness. You prayed for more power or better weapons, for a cheap way out of a challenge. A spark of an idea.

Usually he didn't grant those because things had to happen in order and when the world was ready he would grant them knowledge, not just random people who asked for it. True, he couldn't deny that he had done so before out of sheer amusement. Granting someone the solution to all his problems and watching him despair because the needed machines weren't yet invented was a one of a kind show.

"I wasn't there," he settled on because neither of those answers were ones that would help Gavin. "I didn't follow you to that woman, so I don't know what I would've done. But you helped, so you made the right choice."

Gavin pulled a face as if he wasn't sure what to make out of that but then sighed as he had to realize that there was no easy answer to that. What he had done was done and when the next person would pray to him, he would have to decide anew.

"Somehow it's hard to have no right or wrong," Gavin said. "No moral compass that you can orientate yourself on."

"You do have one. That's why God's grow up among the humans, to learn from them."

Gavin let his arm slip from his eyes and blinked up to the ceiling. He looked tired like that.

"But isn't it scary? I grew up with humans and they shaped me, yes, but that's such a small portion of my life. In the grand scheme of things it will be barely more than a blink of an eye. What will I do in the next world? In the tenth world I will be a part of? When Geoff and Jack are memories and I have endless power and nobody can stop or judge me. What if I lose my way?"

"Then you have all the time in the world to find your way again," Ryan assured him and took his hand in his. "But I don't think you will lose your way, Gavin. I really don't."

"You don't know that."

"I am the God of Knowledge," Ryan reminded him, and Gavin rolled his eyes.

"That doesn't include things like that. You carry the knowledge of the humans, not of the Gods."

"Fine, I'll give you that. But that's something I know with my heart, not with my mind, alright?"

Gavin turned around to look at him and after a moment his eyes softened and he smiled.

"Thanks Rye," he mumbled. He looked small like that, wrapped in the blanket and looking tired. Still, he didn't seem to mind and burrowed deeper into his pillow.

"Sleep," Ryan told him, and Gavin touched his hand.

"Only if you stay."

He had things to do, he always did, but he didn't hesitate a second.

"Of course."

With a sigh, Gavin curled into him and Ryan wrapped his arms around him. Golden hair tickled his chin but he didn't mind. It smelled like summer days and fresh green, like buzzing festivals and the atmosphere of home.

Gavin was asleep in seconds and Ryan could follow him but he decided against it. He had slept not too long ago, out there in the garden and it had surprised himself. Before he hadn't slept in forever because it wasn’t needed. Sometimes he laid down to collect his thoughts but he never really stopped thinking, too many things to consider and take care of.

Now with Gavin here it would get better, he could already tell. In Gavin he had found an ear to listen to, someone who could help him decide and brought a different point of view to the table. A partner most of all, and even though he didn't want to admit it, it had grown lonely being alone in this world altogether.

Outside the room the last light of the day faded and took some of the golden glow from the room, leaving them in a dim twilight, but that didn't last long. As Gavin recovered his brightness returned. Little golden orbs began to float up towards the ceiling and Ryan caught some in his hand. They didn't disappear and burst like bubbles like in the beginning, not with how strong Gavin had become. They just warmed his skin, and he could imagine keeping them in his pockets. A reminder in case Gavin wasn't around, something to warm his fingers when he was away. Maybe he could ask Gavin for that when he returned to the village.

That was still something he didn't want to think about and so he just nuzzled against Gavin's hair and watched the lazy orbs float upwards.

By the time Gavin woke up, Ryan was dozing, but once the other stirred next to him he snapped awake.

"Do you feel better?"

Gavin blinked at him owlishly, which had no right to be so adorable, before he nodded.

"Way better." Rubbing his face, he looked around and then cuddled back into Ryan's side. It took him a few minutes longer until he was fully awake and then he leaned up to press a kiss against Ryan's throat.

"This was all a masterfully crafted plan to get you in my bed by the way," Gavin told him.

"Sure. Masterfully crafted, alright."

"What? It did work, didn't it?"

"You could've just asked, you know?"

Gavin pondered over that for a moment before letting it go in favor of wrapping his arms around Ryan's neck. Despite his words, the kiss was rather shy and sweet and Ryan gladly indulged in it. Like this it was easy to stay wrapped inside the sheets until the sun rose again.

When it did Gavin's glow returned blindingly, and even though it hurt Ryan's eyes he didn't dare look away.

"Come with me to visit the village," Gavin asked. "I want to introduce you properly to Geoff and Jack, I want to show you the farm and the endless fields I grew up in. My birthday is coming up again and during the festivities I will only dance with you, I promise."

And how could he say no to him in that moment? With the pastel morning light reflecting in the room and the sun growing in Gavin's chest. His golden hair and golden skin that looked even more divine against Ryan's own.

"If that's what you wish."

 

~+~

 

Stepping out of the castle felt scary, and it shouldn't. It wasn't like Ryan never left this place. Yes, most business he could take care of from there, but he often traveled to different places of this earth to oversee some developments he had planned. He had also visited Gavin during his birthday after all! But then he usually used the shadows to travel and even though he had offered that to Gavin, the other had refused.

"Where would be the fun in that, Ryan?" he asked and pulled on Ryan's arm. "You can never see the world properly without walking through it yourself!"

"Big words for someone who barely left the place he grew up in."

Gavin just grinned up to him.

The moment he had stepped outside a small bird had made their home on his shoulder and there was a fox close by, eyeing Ryan. Gavin noticed them as well and crouched down to lure them closer.

"Maybe I could chose a fox as my messenger! They're very smart and fast!"

"Definitely a better choice than the bunnies." That had been one of the most ridiculous discussion with Gavin he had until now. Trying to explain to him that yes, maybe bunnies were cute they didn't make for good messengers. "Still the same problem though. They can't reach everyone."

"Foxes can swim!"

"Doesn't mean they can cross an ocean."

"A cute little fish then!" Gavin proclaimed before noticing his mistake. "Right, land and stuff. Also soggy letters are not the best of things."

"There is a reason why messengers are usually birds."

Gavin pouted but it didn't stay for long. It would be hard for anyone to be mad while a fox was rolling onto their back in hope for belly rubs and Gavin gladly petted them.

"Let's worry about that later. You don't want to be too late."

With one last pet to the fox, Gavin jumped to his feet and took Ryan's hand.

"You're right. Let's go!"

 

Every time Gavin had told him about the farm, he had expected a small little hut with a chimney, but now as he looked down to it, the building was way bigger. Of course not as big as his castle, but it was three stories high and there was more than one building as well. The main one had a chimney, though, and they could see smoke coming from it.

The moment Gavin saw the place he'd grown up in his glow intensified and he beamed up at Ryan.

"I can't wait to show you everything!"

So Ryan was dragged down the path and he also couldn't help but feel a little excited now. He had seen grander things of course, fields that were three times as big and houses that were so much higher. But this was Gavin's home and the more his eyes saw, the more he could see Gavin in every little thing. He could tell how everything had shaped him, the golden wheat in the background, the wind around, and the scent of nature.

"The chickens!" Gavin babled and pulled him away from the main path. "Geoff is so proud of them! He has so many and they are all different kinds! I think he nearly has every available chicken around here and he breeds them! The small ones are the cutest things ever, Ryan!"

He could already hear the clucking coming from the little shed and Gavin did not hesitate to jump up onto the fence surrounding the area. Ryan followed more carefully and had to admit that he was impressed by the colorful feathers that greeted him. How many chickens were in the pen he couldn't tell, but they all turned and gathered around them, probably drawn in by Gavin's presence who figured making cooing noises was a reasonable idea.

Ryan watched him from the corner of his eye and couldn't help but chuckle. What a ridiculous situation he was in.

"They all have names!" Gavin told him.

"No way."

"No, it's true! I don't know them all but Geoff does, so you gotta ask him but lets see... where's Millie? She's such a nice blue one, she's my favorite by far." His eyes traveled but Ryan could only watch him. How had he ever denied Gavin coming back here when he was looking so excited and happy? It seemed like a crime now. He was actually glad that he was here, if only to see Gavin's excited expression.

"Watch out for the manure," someone called from behind.

Ah, there was the anxiety again. Turning around, he found Geoff standing close by and Gavin was already jumping down to hug him. Ryan stepped from the fence and followed, not quite as enthusiastic as the other God.

That was one of the things he wasn't looking forward to. Staying here did make Gavin happy and that was great, but it also meant being under the watchful eyes of both Geoff and Jack. Or the entire village once they found out both Gods were here right now, and Ryan hated being watched and judged so openly. Making decisions in his castle where no one was seeing him it was different, it felt safer. It was easier facing big decisions when you were a little detached and not standing right in front of the person of concern.

Geoff looked up then and even though Ryan could clearly see how his arms tightened around Gavin, he still lowered his head slightly.

"Welcome to my farm, Dark God. I hope the visit will be to your liking."

"Thanks for having me. It's a very lovely place."

Geoff stared at him for a moment before he huffed. "Lovely place? Gavin, you rub off on everyone you meet."

"That's what I do," Gavin chirped and threw Ryan such a proud smile that he wanted to melt and get swallowed up by the ground at the same time. Fuck this, why had he come here?

Clearing his throat he tried again, "Your collection of chickens is quite impressive."

"Has to be if you say so," Geoff said good naturedly, and Ryan relaxed slightly.

"Ryan didn't believe me when I told him they were all named."

"Oh but they are! I have a book with all the names written down, but I raised them by hand, of course I know all their names! I only forget Gavin's sometimes."

"Geoff!" Gavin protested, but he was laughing. Geoff had an easy arm thrown over his shoulders but Gavin slipped out of it now to come back to Ryan's side, and he was very glad for it. When Gavin took his hand, he squeezed back even though he couldn't even tell why he was so nervous about everything.

He was just visiting after all and hadn't done anything wrong. But who was he kidding? Geoff's and Jack's opinion mattered to him because they mattered to Gavin, and they weren't stupid. Even now he could see Geoff's eyes focus on their entwined hands, and he probably knew about that, right? Gavin had been using his messengers to sent letters here, but Ryan wasn't sure what he had written in those. Still, this wasn't something he wanted to hide and Gavin also didn't seem to mind touching him.

"Lets go inside first. You two must be tired from traveling." Geoff waved them down the path and towards the big farmhouse. Smoke was still curling from the chimney and Ryan could already smell some form of minced meat coming from the open window.

Even though he had never been here and couldn't quite grasp the meaning of the word, it looked all so homey, and suddenly he was glad. So glad that Gavin got to grow up in a place like this and not in some dark caves where his light would be the most important feature about him.

Inside the farm house it was warm from the fire burning. Ryan hadn't even the chance to see Jack before Gavin bolted towards him and hugged him tightly.

"Jack!"

"Good to see you back, buddy." Jack looked up and at least tried himself on a smile. "You as well, Dark God. Please be our guest."

"Ryan is fine," he found himself saying and was surprised at himself. When had he decided on that? But who even cared when Gavin turned towards him, the sun in his eyes.

"If that's what you wish... Ryan." Jack pointed towards the kitchen table. "Please sit down. Gavin said that you like tea so I prepared some."

 

The sun was setting by the time Ryan stole away. There were a couple of chairs up on the porch and he sat down there, breathing in the fresh air. His skin was crawling from today and he couldn't quite shake that feeling off. It was stupid, sure, but that didn't change the fact.

Gavin had showed him around the farm most of the day and that hadn't been as bad. Actually it was quite interesting because Ryan knew a lot of the things going on on a farm but he had never bothered to actually watch it. Also it was something different to meet the animals for real, to see how they smelled and sounded like. It had been a bit overwhelming at first but he had quickly gotten used to it.

He liked the wide fields more though. Gavin had run through them and the wheats were so high that he easily disappeared in between them. It was a place to hide not only for a child and Ryan could picture himself sitting down and not being bothered for hours.

The hard part came after returning here though. Geoff and Jack were watching him closely, waiting for him to step out of line, and that was laughable. Ryan could easily strike them down if he wanted to, only that he never ever would. That would be the single thing Gavin wouldn't forgive him for.

So he found himself caring what those two humans thought of him and he had never imagined how stressful that was. He didn't know how to hold himself or what to say in fear of pissing them off, Geoff especially.

Jack appeared more forgiving, including him in their conversations easily. Geoff seemed ready to jump down his throat if he made a mistake.

It was all just to protect Gavin, Ryan could see that in their eyes and so he decided to overlook it for now. Still, it had taken his toll on him and sitting here alone was helping.

When the door behind him opened he had expected it to be Gavin, but it was Geoff and he was instantly tense again.

"Lemonade?" Geoff asked and held up a glass for him. "I also have stronger stuff if you want that, but Jack just gave me that and ordered me out here, so..."

He stood there awkwardly and Ryan stared at him, not knowing what to make of this.

"I don't... drink," he found himself saying because he didn't. Geoff just nodded towards himself and then sat down in the chair next to Ryan.

Okay.

"Lemonade it is then. Figured a drunk God might not be a good idea anyway." He put the glass down on the table between them and Ryan nodded as a thanks. Surely the other would get up again and get inside, right? Surely they wouldn't continue to sit in this awkward silence any longer.

Right?

Well, apparently not because Geoff made no move to stand and Ryan didn't dare to make any moves. The only noise for the longest time were the crickets and when Geoff finally sighed, Ryan nearly jumped.

"He's more powerful now. I'm not an expert on it, but even I can tell. I mean, did you see how much Gavin is glowing now?"

"He's growing quite well."

"He's changing," Geoff went on and something cold sneaked into his voice. "There's something new about him, something that reminds me of you. Not necessary a coldness but rather... a firmness, I guess. Like he is more sure of himself."

Ryan didn't feel very sure of himself in that moment, least of all after hearing that and he didn't even quite dare to look at Geoff.

"That's probably something good, he could get very unsure about himself if he thought too hard about everything," Geoff went on, but Ryan could see how he grasped the armrest too tightly. "He was always worrying about making the right decision and being a good God in the end. I always told him that that was an admirable mindset to have and I still believe so. It made him consider each decision more carefully and to see that gone..."

"He still worries a lot," Ryan assured him. "He still considers his decisions carefully, but I let him know that no matter what happens, he can always come to me and discuss it with me."

"Don't get me wrong, Dark God, but your and his methods seem to differ quite radical. I raised Gavin a certain way and I don't want you to influence him to something he doesn't truly want."

Ah, of course. Ryan should've seen that coming.

"I will influence him, that is inevitable. Just like he has influenced me," he told Geoff more sternly. "But I have never forced Gavin to make any decisions he didn't want to. We always try to find a compromise in case we disagree."

He turned to Geoff and found the man pale with something that might be fear. But his lips were pressed together tightly and he didn't back down. Ryan could respect that.

"Gavin won't turn into another Dark God, that's impossible. He is a lot stronger than that and believe me, he would tell me to..." He cleared his throat and couldn't believe he was about to say that, " _ fuck off _ in case I was going to try and push him towards anything. He has a very... colorful language thanks to you."

Geoff's nervousness broke into a a bellowing laugh and when he threw his head back to do so, Ryan felt his hostility melt away. Yeah, he could see this man raised Gavin very clearly in that moment. Their motions were nearly identical and when Geoff wiped unseen tears from his eyes and grinned at him, it was even more apparent.

"Never got that swearing out of his bones," he explained. "One of his first words was literally 'fuck' and Jack never let me hear the end of it. I said it maybe once around Gavin when he was a toddler, but of course that's what he picked up. I swear to you, he did that on purpose! Even as a baby he was a mischievous little thing!"

Ryan smiled, because for a moment Geoff remembered it so vividly that Ryan could feel it. There were bits of memories so close that he could touch and live them if he decided to, but he stopped himself. Those were Geoff's memories and nobody’s else, and they were precious and private. Ryan would have to make his own memories instead.

"It's good like that. Quite surprising yes, but it makes Gavin who he is," he found himself saying and Geoff nodded pleased.

"Gotta give that kid a little fight in a world like this. The elders were always pampering him but that just wouldn't do." He grew quiet, the amusement gone. "I don't want to pretend that we did everything right with Gavin. I'm sure there are better ways to raise a God, maybe show them the world or give them access to every knowledge or something. I don't know. Jack and I just did what we thought was best."

"I don't think you did anything wrong," Ryan tried to assured him, but Geoff just shook his head.

"Of course you'd say that, but fact is that he grew a lot in the weeks he was with you. More than I've ever seen him grow before and it just makes you thi-"

"Geoff," Ryan interrupted him. Seeing the other man so vulnerable felt wrong and he really wasn't the best with assuring someone, least of all someone he didn't truly know, but it was obvious that Geoff had carried that with him for a while now. "You and Jack did nothing wrong. Gavin didn't grow up with you to improve his powers quickly. He grew up here to learn about humans, and you showed him every important thing he needed to know for his age. His powers aren’t even close as being as important as that. You guys shaped him to make future decisions and you did a great job. That's why you were chosen in the first place. Gavin is who he is today because of you. I am sure he will lead this world into a golden age, and that will be thanks to you guys."

Geoff lowered his gaze, not able to look Ryan in his eyes, but he at least thought about it. Ryan didn't know if those had been the right words or not but it was true. Geoff and Jack had been chosen for that purpose and they had fulfilled it. There was nothing to be sorry for.

Before Geoff could find an answer though the door opened again and this time it was Gavin who stepped out. His glow filled the porch with light and it was obvious how distrustful he watched from one to another.

"Are you guys fighting?"

"No, I just bought our guest some lemonade," Geoff told him and then pointed to the glass that Ryan had already forgotten about. Now he picked it up quickly.

"Sure. That's why you stormed out here, Geoffrey."

Geoff huffed but got up under Gavin's watchful eyes.

"Fine, fine. I guess I'll retire for today." He turned back to Ryan, the same glint in his eyes that he had often seen in Gavin's. "I figure you'll spend the night in the room of my son, Ryan?"

Ryan choked on his lemonade and barely heard Gavin's angry yelling. By the time he had stopped coughing Geoff was inside and Gavin stood in front of him, a bit pink in the face.

"He's awful," he mumbled.

"It's fine. He's just worried about you."

"Did he say something bad to you?"

"No, Gav." He reached out and took Gavin's hand in his. "He really just brought me a glass of lemonade and had a little chat with me."

Gavin didn't believe him but at least let it go. "Fine then. How's the lemonade?"

"It's kinda in my nose now."

Giggling, Gavin leaned down to press a kiss against his forehead. When he stood again his eyes were shining.

"Come with me."

Ryan didn't know where they were going but he took Gavin's hand and followed without question. He was pretty sure that he had seen all of the farm today but that didn't matter, and when Gavin pulled him into the fields of sunflowers again, he didn't protest.

Now at night the flowers looked sad, their bright heads hanging low but it was magical to see them all turn once Gavin walked by. It made Ryan shiver and he followed the Solar Queen down the rows and rows of flowers, holding his hand to not get lost.

"You look beautiful here. Like this is right where you belong," Ryan said without thinking about it, and Gavin stopped in his tracks to turn towards him.

"It's because this is home," Gavin told him, and his glow was the only light so deep inside the field. It made long, thin shadows appear all around from the high sunflowers. "But my home is also by your side now."

Gavin let go of his hand but only to step even closer to him and wrap his arms around Ryan's neck. He kissed him in between the flowers he was born in and even though Ryan closed his eyes, the light still reached him.

They sat down then, on the fertile earth and when Ryan looked up he couldn't see the sky anymore. The sunflowers around were so hungry for Gavin's light that they bowed above them until their heavy heads even blocked out the stars.

It had something eerie to it, as if an army of giants were watching them a little too closely.

"That always unnerved Geoff and Jack as well," Gavin told him as he followed his gaze. "I never quite understood why. Those flowers are a part of me, just like the crystals are with you. It feels like they want to protect me."

"It feels a little like being locked away. Just like you felt in the castle at first," Ryan said and after thinking about it for a moment, Gavin nodded.

"I never thought about it like that." He waved with his hand as if he wanted to get rid of a bothersome insect and the flowers all turned away, allowing them to look at the bright stars above.

"Tomorrow I'll visit the village," Gavin went on. "I think they already feel that I'm back, but maybe that's just me. I wish I had more time just with you and my family, but my birthday is close and the village wants to celebrate, so I guess that's only fair."

"There is no reason to show up to their festivities if you don't want to."

"A part of me does want to," Gavin admitted with a sly smile. "I want the Elders to see how far I've come, but most of all I want them to see you by my side. Their faces will be priceless."

Ryan's heart sank a little but Gavin's bright eyes immediately picked up on it.

"I can't make you come with me, Ryan."

"If you want me to be by your side I will be," he told him. "But they will hate and fear me. It won't be the festivity you are used to with me around."

Gavin watched him for a moment before shaking his head slightly. "I don't want it to be the same festivity because I'm not the same anymore. I'm not just  _ their  _ God anymore and I want them to know that. That if they celebrate me, they’ve also gotta celebrate  _ you _ . I want them to see you for who you are. Not a merciless God, but rather someone who just knows better."

"They won't understand that."

Gavin sighed and let his shoulders sink a little. Ryan hated seeing him like that, but he wouldn't take it back.

"Your existence is so lonely," Gavin mumbled and leaned his head against Ryan's shoulder. "It will be the same for me, won't it?"

"You are still tied to this village and the humans living in it, but once they are gone it will be different," Ryan said. "Then it's just us Gods. It's never worth it getting too involved with humans. It brings nothing but pain. Some Gods may live on that pain but I don't take you for one of them."

Gavin hummed thoughtfully but didn't move. He was warm against Ryan's side, a steady light in the corner of his eyes.

"I still want you to come with me," he said after a while. "They won't dare to say a single thing towards you, I won't allow it. If they dare I'll punish them. If they so much as throw one wrong look at you, I'll punish them. I can do that, it's my right as a God. To demand respect for me and you. They owe you so much and they should appreciate it."

The words warmed his heart, no matter how strange they were. Gavin wanting to protect him was sweet but nothing more. He didn't need protection, least of all against humans, and still he appreciated the thought deeply. Still, he couldn't help but frown.

"Punish them?"

For a long moment Gavin stayed quiet before he sat up. His eyes went up to the sky as if he was searching for answers in the constellations above. When he found what he was looking for, he turned back to Ryan, his gaze steady.

"I am the Solar Queen. The God of Light," he said. "I am all powerful and I can bring forth life if I want it to, but that's not all, right?"

He slipped into Ryan's lap easily, his movements smooth as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Ryan let him, transfixed as the green eyes turned golden.

"This light can also blind, I can feel it. If I want to I can burn everyone's eyes out who dares to look at me. Oh, and they always look at me. They can't take their eyes from me, can't stop imagining what they can use me for. For their harvest, for their sick and weak, for their pleasure. It's always for their own gain. That's all they see in me and I'm well aware of that. I've known it for way longer than people thought."

"They think you're stupid and naive, but you are not," Ryan whispered, and Gavin nodded.

"I'm not theirs and I don't want to be used by them anymore. That's what I want to show them on the day that should be mine but never was. I want them to realize their place. To look at me and to look at you and know that we are so much more. That we are one."

Gavin's hands traveled over his shoulders, than up his neck until they lingered on his face. His touch burned and his light was parching the sunflowers around that were now desperate to get away. Ryan let him because it was beautiful anyway. It was breathtaking, that darkness in those golden eyes, the power of a young God with so much potential.

"And if they don't listen I will make them listen. I will burn their souls out if I have to. If they dare to disrespect even one of us because it's not their place. It's not their  _ right ." _

A smile stretched over Gavin’s face, bright and grotesque.

“So let me go tomorrow and let them prepare for their own little festivities. Let them look forward to all their dances and the same old show I was forced to play for year after year. I can’t wait to see their faces once they realize that I won’t play anymore. That the time for that is long gone and the only one who’s allowed by my side is you. The only one who can use me.”

Ryan grasped one of Gavin’s thin wrists and let his own power flow through their point of contact. Gavin’s eyes widened a little at that but he didn’t pull back, just let it happen curiously.

Back when Gavin had first stepped in front of his castle that touch alone had been enough to diminish his powers for hours. Now Ryan could feel the resistance.

Gavin’s light did dim considerably but it didn’t disappear. If Ryan would keep it up he knew that he would win, it was obvious that Gavin was struggling right now to hold him back, but Ryan stopped in time. Like this the sunflowers around didn’t catch fire because he knew that Gavin wouldn’t want that. No, this place was too important to him and he wouldn’t destroy it just because he was emotional.

“I don’t want to use you,” Ryan said softly and let his fingers linger over the other’s pulse point. Gavin’s heart was beating fast, the beat picking up once he actually looked around.

His face fell a little as he noticed the burned flowers but before he could worry about that, Ryan nudged him.

“Whatever you do wrong you can also fix,” he reminded him and like an afterthought Gavin nodded. The burned parts started to fall down and were instantly replaced by new, healthy green.

When he was done, Gavin sat there thoughtfully and Ryan let him. He was just waiting, watching him in his own glow and there was something tired in his face. Something that shouldn’t belong to a God that brought so much life and joy.

It was the face of the ones who were forced to grow up because the world wouldn’t allow them otherwise. Ryan recognized the face because he had worn it himself, and now it was Gavin’s turn to let all of this go.

In some way it shouldn’t be as bad, after all Gavin did have the opportunity to live a long and happy childhood, but maybe because of that it hurt even more. He knew exactly what he was leaving behind, memories and a home that Ryan had never known.

“Go there tomorrow,” Ryan said. “Go and visit this village as their Solar Queen for one last day. Do what feels right and then return to this home. But on your birthday you’ll be yourself.”

“It’s scary,” Gavin mumbled, and even though he said that, he started to smile as he turned back towards Ryan. “But I am so glad that you are here with me.”

 

~+~

 

Gavin’s hand was shaking a little as he held the brush carefully. Still the golden lines on his face were neatly done and Ryan was fascinated like the first time he had seen them.

Back on Gavin’s birthday when he had been so prettily dressed up. Now he was wearing a similar gown as before, the white a beautiful contrast to his tan skin and Ryan couldn’t help but run his fingers from one color to the other.

“You’re tickling me,” Gavin mumbled but didn’t tell him to stop.

“You’re pretty.”

“Oh, I know,” Gavin just said absentmindedly. “You think they will still think that when I do this?”

His eyes turned golden just like in the field of sunflowers. It made the gold paint look greyish and washed out. Ryan reached out, wanted to touch him, but stopped himself in fear of messing up his carefully drawn lines.

They were in his room and Ryan felt still a bit weird being in here, as if he was doing something forbidden. That was ridiculous but he couldn’t quite shake the feeling off. The room was small and stuffed full with things. Trinkets and fairytales and different flowers that were growing through the wooden walls to get closer to the Solar Queen. Gavin’s orbs had bleached out the ceiling in all those years, some even leaving scorch marks from… what? Occasional nightmares? Maybe.

“You’ll scare them.”

“I think that’s maybe the point.”

“Can you hold it for the whole day?”

Gavin nodded. “I don’t have to concentrate on it. I don’t think I need a lot of power to keep my eyes this way.”

“Just don’t overwork yourself. Today will be hard enough as it is,” Ryan told him and pressed a kiss to the inside of his wrist. It was one of the few spots he could reach without disturbing the paint.

“I’ll be careful,” Gavin promised before lowering the brush. He was watching himself in the mirror, a God in gold and whites, and Ryan also didn’t dare to avert his eyes. When they returned to his castle he wouldn’t see him like that anymore. Back then Gavin would be in his usual clothes with the blinding bright cloak, and he loved him like that as well. Little Solar Queen who lit up the dark halls and brought life to the garden. Who was so easily to find but usually tucked away in the library, catching up on the knowledge he was still missing.

This right here was a more nostalgic Gavin, and if Ryan felt like that, he could only imagine what it would be for Gavin himself or his parents. They had seen him come back clothed in the finest clothes this world had to offer, and even if this gown was clearly woven with great care, it just wasn’t the same.

“Give me your hand,” Gavin demanded and Ryan didn’t even hesitate to follow. The brush felt soft against his skin as Gavin followed his bones with careful strokes. It looked like a golden skeleton for a moment and Ryan was about to ask about it, when Gavin continued. Little stars in between the bones that shone bright when they caught the light. Crescent moons as well and he already started to love them. This single light in the dark.

“To show that you are my guest,” Gavin explained before taking his other hand and starting anew. “That we are one and the same. I want them all to know just by looking at us.”

“Alright.” Lifting his painted hand, he touched the shoulder pauldrons Gavin had yet to wear. The golden flowers turned black and the petals were replaced by his crystals. Thanks to Gavin’s lights it threw rainbow reflections on the walls.

“Now they’ll know,” Ryan said but before he could turn back around, Gavin crashed their lips together. The paint felt cold against him and tasted bitter, but that hardly mattered with the heat radiating from Gavin. The Solar Queen was shaking and Ryan knew that he was scared. That no matter how high he held himself today, he was terrified to step in front of the village. Those people were his home, no matter how hurt he was by their behaviour, and they had protected him for a long time. Yes, they also used him, but Gavin knew that they loved him and a part of him still loved them back.

Cutting their ties today on a day that was so important to the village was hard and terrifying and cruel, but it needed to be done. Gavin knew all that and so much more and Ryan wanted nothing more than to pull him close and keep him safe. He didn’t because he didn’t want to ruin the work Gavin had put into the runes running over his skin.

“Be you,” he whispered against golden lips. “That’s all you have to do today.”

“I’m not sure if I can…”

“That’s why we are there with you. Geoff and Jack and I.”

Gavin sighed and leaned his heavy head against Ryan’s shoulder. It was probably smudging some of the paint, but he didn’t seem to mind if it only meant getting a bit of comfort. They stayed like that for a while and Ryan let his head nestle into golden hair as he waited for Gavin to brace himself.

When the Solar Queen was finally ready, he squeezed his hand.

“Let’s go. Can’t be too late for my own party, can I?”   
  


~+~

 

Gavin‘s hand held his so tightly that Ryan feared losing all feelings in his fingers. Not that he was really any better.

The village was small, he knew that, so how did he get the feeling that there was a way too large crowd waiting for them? The market place was filled with so many eyes, people who were watching attentively every step he walked, every breath Gavin next to him took.

It was eerie, their silence as the Gods came closer, and he wanted to ask Gavin if that was normal but he already knew the answer.

The village was in shock because he was here. He was the thing that didn‘t fit in their picture perfect imagination of this day. It would only be the first thing and once they realized Gavin wasn‘t playing along anymore it would only grow worse, but for now they just kept on staring. Staring at Ryan and trying their hardest not to think too loud the things he already knew.

That he had ruined this day, that he didn‘t belong and had corrupted their God. Had taken their sun away.

It didn‘t matter to him, he was familiar with similar accusations, but he usually wasn‘t in the middle of a crowd then. Being out here, away from the safe walls of his castle he felt nearly helpless, which was truly laughable. After all he was a God and neither of those humans could harm him.

That didn‘t mean they wouldn‘t try though and he didn‘t want Gavin to see that, not today, not so soon. This ugly side of humans.

Then the spell was broken and the people began to cheer, to drop to their knees in front of them. If it was meant to ease Ryan‘s heart it didn‘t work because he could see through lies when he was face to face with them and the greed and the disapproval was in the air.

At least Gavin‘s grip relaxed slightly but Ryan wasn‘t quite sure if it was because of the crowd or because Jack had reached out to touch his other hand.

“Stay strong,“ he heard Jack whisper, and there was such a wave of love coming from Gavin in that moment that Ryan had to turn around.

Jack was close by, standing behind Gavin, and it took Ryan a moment to understand. Jack was having both of their backs, was showing his solidarity by not walking by Gavin‘s side but behind both of the Gods.

He must have been staring because Jack noticed and smiled. His hand even reached out but then dropped back down, not daring to touch the other God. Ryan figured he wouldn‘t mind too much.

“You are a curious human being,“ he found himself saying and next to him Gavin giggled.

“I fear I am quite the opposite, Ryan,“ Jack assured him, but that wasn‘t true. That was far from the truth and Ryan knew that if he would touch Jack right now, he would feel the same warmth coming from him like he felt from Gavin. God or not, that was one of the main reasons why Jack was chosen to raise Gavin and Ryan couldn't think of a better fit.

 

The festival proceeded then without much input from them. The humans followed the rules they were familiar with, holding on to them but without looking at either of the Gods.

“Now we gotta listen to the same boring speech as every year,“ Geoff mumbled, making Gavin snort. They were standing a bit in the back and not in the middle of the place like most people probably expected them to, and sure enough the speech started just a moment later, spoken by one of the Elders whose voice wasn‘t quite grand enough to reach them, but Geoff was still mouthing along as if he knew each word by heart. Gavin had to stifle his laugh as he watched him and Ryan also had a hard time keeping a straight face.

Sure, the speech was a bit different to include him as well, but besides that it was apparently the same.

“They are just so happy to have us here,“ Gavin whispered to him. His golden eyes were shining as he looked up to him, and he looked very beautiful in that moment. “Just look at all the gifts we got. You even got your own little stash there.“

“I think I can pass.“

“You don‘t know, it might be more tea.“

“I thought you already ordered tea?“ Ryan asked, a bit alarmed, and Gavin chuckled.

“I did, big boy. Don‘t worry, it should be ready tomorrow morning. Even more than the last time.“

“Good,“ Ryan mumbled and when he looked up again, there was a young woman in front of them. She was nervous, her cheeks bright red, but certainly courageous. There was beauty in someone who dared to go first and as she bowed her head and held her hand out to Gavin, he felt the other God tense at his side.

“Solar Queen, may I ask for this dance?“

For a second Gavin didn‘t move, didn‘t even answer. He stood there, eyes wide and daring to lose their golden color. He pressed closer to Ryan as if to ask for help but it wasn't his test, he couldn't do that for Gavin even if he gladly would. That was his goodbye and Gavin would never forgive him if he took it from him.

“No,“ Gavin finally brought out, barely more than a whisper and the woman lifted her head. She clearly wasn‘t sure if she heard right and Gavin had to clear his throat and try again.

“I don‘t feel like dancing right now. So no.“

They had been watched and an uncomfortable silence fell over the crowd. If possible Gavin tensed up even more and Ryan laid a soothing hand on the small of his back. He didn‘t speak though, he had to be a silent support here no matter how he wanted to send this woman away.

He couldn‘t even fully blame her, not by the way she turned bright red in embarrassment and stuttered a few words as she tried to disappear in the crowd. But all the eyes that weren‘t focused on Gavin were following her, the only one who the Solar Queen had denied in all these years.

A few more tried then, some more forceful than the woman just now as if they had a right to demand that dance and Ryan felt an unknown anger towards them. His hand on Gavin‘s back pulled him closer and he had to bite his tongue not to strike those men down for their disrespect.

But it was easier for Gavin to deny them and he did so with short, unkind words. Neither of them dared to insist but that was also maybe because Ryan‘s smoke crawled up their legs if they dared to step too close.

Now Gavin truly had derailed the festivities and the awkwardness of it all was everywhere but Gavin stood tall.

“You okay, bud?“ Geoff asked him, and Gavin nodded. His smile was forced and Ryan felt the tremors running through his body. There was no going back now, not without being disrespectful towards the ones he had already denied, but the day was still young. There would be more, dozens who would try again, and by the way Ryan watched the wine flow in the back, it would only get worse.

“We can go,“ he offered without much thinking but Gavin shook his head. Before he could say a thing though, he froze, and Ryan followed his gaze.

In front of them stood a small boy, eyes wide and with his two front teeth missing. He was holding two straw dolls in his hands and Gavin instantly crouched down to be on eye level with him.

“That‘s you and that‘s your friend,“ the boy told him and gave him both dolls. They looked exactly the same, but Gavin still laughed brightly.

“Thank you so much!“ His golden eyes were gone because they both knew it would scare the boy, and maybe because of that the child held out his hands.

“Dance?“

Gavin didn't freeze or hesitate. He took the smaller hand in his and stood up.

“Of course!“

He gave Ryan the two dolls and walked into the middle of the marketplace, the boy trying to keep up with his shorter legs. Before Ryan could truly grasp what had happened there was a bunch of children jumping around Gavin and he danced with all of them. Spinning them around or picking them up and laughing. Ryan could hear them laugh and squeal and couldn‘t help but smile himself.

Looking down to the two dolls in his hands he couldn‘t help but feel strangely melancholic. Like this it was hard to think there wasn‘t good in humans, not when he heard the breathless joy coming from Gavin.

When Gavin had tired the children out, there were a few more daring people who asked him to dance but he just walked past them. With a little sweat on his golden skin and the warm glow he looked ethereal as he moved straight towards Ryan, his hand outstretched.

Ryan bowed before him then because it was the right thing to do, because Gavin had taught him so many things that he as the God of Knowledge had yet to learn and he was eternally thankful for that.

“Sorry, I promised just to dance with you tonight,“ Gavin said, his breath still going a bit heavy.

“You promised to be yourself tonight. So this is all I could‘ve asked from you,“ Ryan reminded him and Gavin beamed up at him. His eyes turned golden again as Ryan took his hand but his smile stayed as kind as before.

“Then I want to dance with you now until the sun goes down. Here where everyone can see because we don‘t have to stay hidden anymore. Neither of us.“

“There‘s nothing I would rather do.“

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, writing this story was so much fun! Thanks for all the nice comments and ofc to Riley for the great idea!


	7. Playlist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are the sun
> 
> I am the full moon

**After Image**

\- Playlist -

 

_ You are the sun _

_ I am the full moon _

 

 

**Listen on[Youtube](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLWQbs1V1HCsj7fswC1liJprPpjw94jMB4) **

**Listen on[Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/xldxnql2aybzu29ayv6cir873/playlist/5ANg8w6QyIgYhvbsKep1ZR?si=4tdcvPswScqMUHTSz6dq7A)**

  
  


~+~

  
  


**Between Two Points** \- The Glitch Mob

  
  


We've got forever

Slipping through our hands

We've got more time

To never understand

 

Falling footsteps

Weighing heavy on me

 

Behind darkness

Beneath candles

Whispers waltz

Around our dreams

 

~+~

 

**Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea** \- Missio

  
  


I wait on you inside the bottom of the deep blue sea

I wait on you inside the bottom of the deep blue

 

Welcome to my cage, little lover

Attempt to rearrange with you, baby

Still don’t know your name, Miss Sunny

Let’s go up in flames, pretty lady

 

~+~

 

****

**Right Back (Chillout Mix)** \- Yuri Kane

  
  


I was wrong to say

I wouldn't change a thing cause

In the story of our lives

The best of times

Through colour glass

 

And if you should call

It's no trouble, no trouble at all

I'll paint out the sun

Back where we begun again

 

~+~

 

**Crave You (Adventure Club Remix)** \- Flight Facilities

  
  


I walked into the room dripping in gold

A wave of heads did turn, or so I've been told

My heart broke when I saw you kept your gaze controlled

Oh I cannot solve

 

Why can't you want me like the other boys do?

They stare at me while I stare at you

 

~+~

 

**Young God** \- Halsey

  
  


He says, "Ooh, baby girl, you know we're gonna be legends

I'm a king and you're a queen and we will stumble through heaven

If there's a light at the end, it's just the sun in your eyes

I know you wanna go to heaven, but you're human tonight”

 

But do you feel like a young god?

You know the two of us are just young gods

And we'll be flying through the streets with the people underneath

And they're running, running, running

 

~+~

 

****

**Quantum Immortality** \- Crywolf

  
  


You've got your arms wide

And sin in your eyes

 

And I feel I'm goin' under

'Cause my heart is bleeding colors

Only for you

Only for you

 

And in the dark I find you

Lost in caverns of my head

In quantum haze

Eternally beneath my skin

 

~+~

 

**Telepathic (Acoustic Version)** \- Starset

  
  


Look inside my brain

You know what I want before I tell you

Give me the words to say to make it enough

Don't want your star-crossed fate

You are the sun, I am the full moon

 

And you always turn away

Back to the start when I break through

You can run, you can run away

I will wait in the dark for you

Should’ve never felt this way

Cause you're the sun and I'm just a moon

I'm in the dark 'till you light the way

Cause I'm see through

You can read my mind

 

**Author's Note:**

> Find out how you can support me writing my stories and get early access to chapters:  
> http://kahnah23.tumblr.com/post/140765552875/patreon
> 
> It would help me a lot - thanks!


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